This morning was a test for me. they are fixing the street in front of my house and the comapany my Ex works for is the ones doing the concrete.

This morning they were pouring the concrete and guess who the driver was? If you guessed my EX your right. There he was big a life standing in front of the house. I was home alone and could not help but watch out the window at him. a small part of me was hoping he would try and come to the door. hard to imagine he has totally forgotten about our lives together and he can pretend I don't exsist anymore. I wish I could feel that way.

It took all I had in me not to go outside and say something to him. I just wanted to see where his mind set is. But I already know that deep down inside. He is still angry and using all of his justifications.

I guess after almost a year and a half and he still is acting the same he is just as foggy as ever. Makes ya wonder if he will be foggy forever.

Seeing him so close and yet so far away is still hard for me. I do believe he is afraid to speak to me , afraid I will let the OW know about it.

He has yet to let me know where he and my son have moved to. I do know the address as my SIL found it last sunday. EXWH called his sister whinning about people spying on him. He says no one needs to see where he lives. Why do we all sneak around looking? No one sneaks around it was pure luck my SIL saw the house with his truck parked there. And he just happened to see her drive by and went nuts about it.

As well such is life I guess....

HI hurting!

Sorry this has been so hard on you. How is your job? You did cut back to just one job didn't you? Has your move been postponed or cancelled? I hate to see you have to endure these run ins w/ your EXWH. You need a life all your own. You need some fun w/o the constant reminders. You deserve a happy and fullfilling life.

Cha Cha,

The job is going real good right now. I am down to the one job. It was way to hard working both. I am doing ok finanacially and will be in my own place by the end of next month I hope.

I think moving from my MIL'S into my own place is going to help with the reminder thing. I am going to stay here as I feel leaving will npot be good for my DS. Right now he is still blowing me off pretty much, won't call me back or even come over. I feel if I leave town it will just cause the riff between us to beciome bigger. I am patiently waiting it out for DS to come around. I know I could force the visitation woth him but I feel that would be counter productive with him and just make him angrier with me. I call every few days and leave messages on the answering machine at their home. I am sure OW hates hearing those but who cares.

I am doing just fine its these chance sightings that just get to me. I guess its because I see him and it brings up old feelings and memories. They will fade in time I am sure.

Hurting

Hi Hurting,



I know the feeling!

(((((((((((((((((HURTING)))))))))))))))))))))

((( Healing ))) I hope that you do not mind me calling you that. I think it is what you are doing, little by little.

Dear God, Please bring some peace to our angel Healing in Ok. She has followed your path for her and she still needs help in dealing with all that has happened. Please Dear God, bring her peace and let her heal. I know that there will be brightness for her soon and help her to see this too.

I have been in and out all summer. So sorry I have not been able to post more to you. It certainly is not because I have not been thinking of you and praying for you. In fact, yesterday I yelled a big hello to you when I was riding through Ok !!!

Sending my very warmest wishes to you honey.

carnation

The chance sightings are awful. Stay in NC, it's a wise decision. Is there a back door you can leave the house by a back door, and get out that way? Spare yourself whatever pain you can.

Don't try to guess what he's thinking. I go through the same stuff -- it's unlikely he's forgotten you, but even if he has, what difference does it make at this point? My XWH sends out strange signals occasionally -- but he's still with his wistress, and even if he weren't, I wouldn't want him back.

And I'd leave town if you can. Son will come around on his own time, and your phone messages just give him something to reject.

You deserve a life.

H, I know the chance sightings stir up emotions within us and that is why NC is so helpful. I'm glad you didn't try to get his attention since it would have just confirmed his belief that you are still not over him.

I like the idea of you getting your owm place since living with your MIL will only delay recovery. Have you been getting out with some friends and doing fun stuff? I find that really helps rebuild your self esteem and get your mind of your XWH.

Stay strong.
HTW

Thinking of you Hurting, and understand how you must have
felt to see EXWH. I bet anything he was very aware of where
he was and was curious too. Funny and sad how their pride,
stubborness and fear of a controlling, manipulative OW can
reduce our formerly strong, admirable, courageous men into
tired, scared, weak morons who are controlled like puppets.

Had a great time on my trip, but came back to reality where
I'm still looking for a job and had an expected visit from
WH who had divorce paperwork in hand. (update on my thread)
Hang in there,
Slammed

Hurting,
He planted himself right in front of you where he knew you would see him. How do you know he wasn't subconsiously hoping you would come outside? Do not minimize your life with him. It was good and important and true. Yes, things changed but that doesn't wipe out what you had.

When you spend a lifetime with someone, the two of you are so entwined on so many levels that it is very hard to make a clean cut. Why do you think divorce is so hard? You have to give yourself a break. This takes time . . . .years to get over. You are grieving, allow yourself to do it, it's a necessary process.

Maybe he has compartmentalized you in his mind so he can deal with the destruction around him. I can assure you this is not a man at peace. You have to realize the depth of the mess this man has put himself in. He may have moments of passing fun with the little girl but his ship will go down. It will become harder and harder to stuff his feelings and the novelty of her will wear off. I'm not saying he is going to come back but I hope it gives you some satisfaction to know he is NOT living happily ever after. Believe it. Remember what they say, 2 years or so is when most relationships fizzle out.

The chick is also young. How long do you think she's going to want to stay with him? Someone closer to her own age will come along without so much baggage and turn her head. He owes you money and child support, that always puts a cramp on affairs. Reality sets in.

Your children are there. Nothing like a couple of teenagers living with you to stir up an argument on the spur of the moment.


I think you are right about not moving away from your son yet. Your presence as a mom that has not abandoned him is getting through to him on some level. Also, how do you know he gets your messages? My guess would be that that the OW deletes the majority of them.


Just breathe and know that the hurting is normal, it is deep, and it takes a lot of time. Don't become bitter. Remember God has a plan for you. Do not ever undervalue the life you have lived because it ended badly. You are just as worthy as the next one who is married. And I will say it again, your ExH has NOT forgotten you. I would bet under all that hurt, fear, and anger, he thinks of you fondly and is sorry for how much he has hurt you.

Take care girlfriend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
S.

I know the exact feeling...Bless you.

Hi, hurting! Based on what you've said about his behavior (why is everyone spying on me?) I would say it seems like he is not very happy. Reality of his situation is probably in the process of setting in, and maybe he's realizing what he has lost. Remember my old post titled "when do they realize they've traded treasure for trash?" That's exactly what has happened, hurting. He's traded the treasure of his family and loving wife for the trash of OW. It'll hit him, sooner or later.

About your DS, I wish I knew what to say. It may be that he is hurting about the divorce and doesn't know how to deal with it. My heart goes out to you... as a mother, I can't imagine what that must be like. (((hurting)))