Jen, if the A is not on on and my children are happy then I can be content for now. He is much better than he was. The five for was for his empathy of my pain, I don't think he CAN empathize completely with me. Last year at Christmas the A was on and my pain was huge.

FF, first, kudos on your courage to post this here.

Yes... I do think it can work. I can't remember which poster from above stated it...but the big point of contention is what you and xWH put into it.

In your case specifically, this is a really good sign that some of the drama has subsided enough for you to have a chance to think things through. That's a great place to start.

I remember on DDAY..the first thing someone told me here... and it was Believer ...was not to make any decisions for at least six months.

It takes THAT long for you to pull your reasoning and logic together !!

Good place to start !!!

I can't tell you your future, but neither can anyone else. Is he going to mess up again? I don't know honey.

If someone had a way to predict the future, and could guarantee you that he will NEVER put you or the kids in this situation again, would it change your plan of recovery?

I concur with personal recovery.

You have to get to a better, stronger place emotionally before you are able to assess this situation with the weight it needs.

Doubt, is awful. And you have a way to go, before doubt is a stranger to you.

I hate that he won't do it legally, just to put an end to the ultimatums.

He probably doesn't go that route, because as you said, he feels guilty about all the promises he made to her, and there's this toddler who he probably believes he's abandoned.

This CA of his, is going to come back and bite him right in the butt, but this is NOT your fever to sweat.

Give this more time, but it's great that you're starting to be able to look at the bigger picture !!

That's a great thing.

Agree with BIJ - says a lot that you are even thinking about this FF.

Has your H agreed to a paternity test yet?

Hi BIJ! My very good friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you for your post. Exactly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Yes, you are right that is a good place to start. Believer is the greatest, too. So glad she was around to help you. No, I don't think it would change my plan except for the fear part unless that crystal ball also said he would turn himself completely around. I really like the way you put that. I can understand it that way, doubt not being a stranger yet. I agree it will come back to bite him and I am finally at a place that I will just step aside and let it. You know how long I have been stuck in this painful place, so it does feel good to step back even just a little.

He has agreed in words, not action BK. I will believe it when I see it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Faith - there is a lot of heavy psychology here. I am not too good with that. But one of the things I DO remember is: 30 hours a week.

If you are not sure, but recovery is still an option and desired - then you guys need to spending LOTS of time together and HAVING FUN!

I know this is the basic-est stuff, but sometimes we get so bound up in it all, we forget to take care of the basic stuff. If he is having fun with you, and begins realizing what is at stake, maybe his nads will get bigger, and he will become more of a man. (I sure wish mine were bigger...)

For me - one of the hardest parts of my sitch is that I am committed to DAILY interaction with my kids, and so is XW. What a farking mess.

I have tried to imagine your sitch (oc). And then I lift you to the Father. I am glad you are doing well.

You sure have gotten a lot of good advice. I am not very familiar with your history, and your XWH. (obviously I have learned a lot on this thread) Sorry if I am throwing basics to a pro...

far

my question, too, faith.

exactly what i'm always wondering about...

-
Romans

FAR and about2giveup, We are spending lots more time together these days. We have a young man caring for DS lots more than before and it has given me time to relax. We go on walks, we go out to eat, go on errands together etc. My H does not really know how to have fun anymore. He works 6 days a week. I think the extra time spent together has improved our relationship and taken a lot of stress away.

FAR, I worry about YOU. It cannot be easy and I admire how high you place parenting your kids in your life but at some point you need to get your x out of there. Any chance you stay and she goes?

FF

I suspect

that the loss of his OC in his life is huge

I suspect that the stress of not seeing OC will gradually (or rapidly) mount until H breaks NC just to see OC

Because of this, I would guess the best indicator of any future long-term success of your M would be H's willingness to take legal steps to legitimately gain access/visitation (for both of you) to OC

so, if ever this topic is discussed, I think the best hope for your M is OC legalities being taken care of

Pep

Schoolbus

sorry for jumping all over you

my apologies

Pep

Pep,

No problem - you aren't the first one to jump on this bus today, and probably won't be the last!

Apology accepted.

Thanks!

mucho grassyass

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep

Totally 100% agree with Pep.