I planned to be off from work between Christmas and New Year, I plan to do things with them then. The kids been sick the last two week from the cold, I just been staying at home with them and play games and keep them busy.

My Plan B letter, please advise:

Love,

Letting you go and giving up half of my time with our children are the hardest thing that I have ever done. I want you to understand that it was never about saving face or my ego that I want to be with you; it’s simply me trying desperately to save our marriage and keeps the family intact. I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I foolishly pursued my career and interest without understanding my responsibility to meet your emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most and we are now both suffering from my mistake. I have made many mistakes in the past and cannot change them. What I have been able to do is recognize those errors and I have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not happen again.

Love, I just want you to know that I still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. I simply cannot do this until you end your relationship with him. You must know and realize the pain and suffering that I have endured because of your relationship with him. I simply cannot endure this pain anymore and for that reason I cannot see you or speak to you until you’re willing to recommit to our marriage. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, please email or leave voice mail at work.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. I simply cannot see or talk to you any longer, knowing that there will be more than just me and you. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions. As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from him, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other’s emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt one another. We need to build a new life in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend as well.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing him.

Love always,
Mike

If you want your marriage to work, be firm. Don't file for DV, let her do the dirty work.

I talked to Papa of 3, he said do not give in to her demands!

How's my Plan B letter above? Any suggestion to improve?

I would not go into details about what you did that was wrong (this could be used against you later if D). I would simply say that you take responsibility for those things that you did that contributed to the state of the M and that you have changed, are changing and are willing to work hard to build a new, better marriage where both spouses needs are met.

That the family, children are best served by you two attempting to build this NEW marriage together.

Mention not only separation from the OM but that there must be no contact established as this R with this OM is toxic to your new M and its growth. Explain that there are numerous examples of couples who have built wonderful, NEW (that word again) marriages from the ashes of heartbreak and disillusionment but none have been successful when a third party was involved.

Thanks for your inputs to my Plan B letter, is there others?

I like to start Plan B at the beginning of the New Year but my son's B-day party with his school friends is near the end of January. Should I not attend the party? I'm still going to celebrate his B-Day with my side of the family.

Anyone with inputs to my Plan B letter? Just wanted to make sure I execute Plan B as best as I can.

You need to state more firmly the conditions that must be met before you break your plan B.

1. NC with OM EVER again.

2. Switching all contact information so that OM has no way of contacting you.

3. Complete O&H including accounting for your time, and any other necessary measure to protect your M from another A.

4. 100% effort into rebuilding the marriage including MC and the MB program.

Make sure she knows your conditions so she can't come back and say, "well I'm not talking w/ OM anymore," but refuses to account for her time or share her email password because "that wasn't part of the deal." This will allow you to prevent fluctuating back and forth into Plan B and failed recoveries.

Latest:

WW moved out of our house and into an apartment on Christmas day. She stays long enough for the kids to open their present. We’re having 50/50 custody and I'm planning to give her the Plan B letter this weekend.

WW is asking me to pay half of her credit card bill because she brought all the kids toys on it. Should I pay half of it? What would you do?

Did you pay for gifts for the kids on your own? If so then I would let her cover her gifts.

Is it a joint account? If not, no.

Do you have a legal separation agreement outlining custody? If you do not have all that stuff taken care of she call pull all sorts of dramatic crap on you...don;t enable her by paying half of anything....

Actually she already paid it, it's her account with me being an additional card holder. They do have my SS number so I don't know and they could tell me if it's joint or not.

This is not a legal separation, so no formal agreement. We did sign an agreement on 50/50 custody.

you're looking for trouble...you're trusting an untrustworthy person in many areas...

if they have your SS# it may be a joint account. Check with them!! Cancel all joint accounts...

This agreement on custody that you mentioned. Is this something you and your wife drew up an signed or is it legally binding? My attorney told me that an agreement my now EX WW and I had signed together was not enforceable in court if either of us violated it.

Sendme, My WW may be a cheater but she wouldn’t jeopardize her credit; we both have excellence credit. Once I get my automatic transfer accounts change over to my own credit cards, I will start canceling my name off all the joint credit cards.

Hope, The agreement is something we drew up, signed and notarized. I don’t see why it would not hold up in court.
Do you think I should refuse to pay her for half the credit card bill?

Check with your attorney to see if the agreement is enforceable and no, I would not pay anything on her credit card.

Look, my advice is what it is....and you're not going to like this but here comes a 2x4!!

What color is the sky in your world? What does this mean? "Once I get my automatic transfer accounts change over to my own credit cards, I will start canceling my name off all the joint credit cards"

My FWW had to pay me almost $100,000, spend $25,000 on an attorney, refinanced a paid off house, and did all sorts of other things I never expected (like bang a man almost twice her age a few times)....during our divorce....and we both HAD (I REPEAT HAD) spotless credit.....

As far as your "agreement"...custody is approved by the courts, not by "agreement"...see judges like it when there's an agreement cause it makes the entire process easier...but you're fooling yourself if you think its enforceable....in fact you're being much more than a fool....

From where I am sitting you can really take a beating...you can stand there and remain a victim or take charge...

Pay the credit card bill?? Why would you do this?? For her??

There's my opinion....and what I would do if faced with your choices....the rest is clearly up to you...I wish you the best...

I do notice that Melody is not really involved in this thread....I know there's a reason... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hope, I did check with my attorney before signing the agreement, the 50/50 custody is the best I could get in my state so he advised me to sign it and have it notarized. Like Send me on my way is saying, it may not be enforceable in court as is but this will make it easier for the judge to decided if need be.

Sendmeonmyway, Thanks for the 2X4, I’m in the process of canceling joint credit cards as fast as I can but I have a few bills that automatic deduct from the cards that requires sending in written letter/forms to be able to change the cards. I’m working on them as quickly as possible. I will not pay her credit card, thanks.

In your opinion, what else should I be doing to protect myself?

As to Melody, I don’t know why she hasn’t posted; maybe something I did/didn’t do. I do value her opinion very much and I do hope that she would post here or let me know why. For whatever reason, I could not edit the subject line for this thread.

mike, I am a CPA, cancel your card and then submit new card number to person you need to pay bills...trust me....first time your card comes back "no good" they will contact you!!

In order to protect yourself: Run credit report and check for joint debt. Cancel it all!!

1. Make sure custody arrangement is agreeable to attorney and that child support is mentioned...Make sure that this is not a "friend who has been through it" but a qualified attorney in your state!!!

Mike...one of the most frustrating things about helping folks out here are the ones "that think they know better"...

If you're doing Plan B you must be ready...very ready....Plan B is for YOU!!! Plan B is also what prepares you for life without your spouse. It is hard but we will help you through it...

As far as Mel goes...I can;t speak for her but as I read your thread I thought about how frustrated I was with you!!! And I am a cupcake compared to her....

Good luck....

Sendmeonmyway, I’ll run a credit report; we don’t have much debt but would credit card accounts show up in the report?

The reason my attorney is not seeking a formal agreement is that he didn’t want me to pay child support or alimony. At this time, WW has not retained an attorney and are not asking for CS or alimony but if I ask for a formal agreement through the court, she would definitely get one. He said this is the best situation for me; she moved out of the house and a written agreement specifying custody. He said that I’m not liable for child support or alimony until a DV is filed.

I know I may be difficult at times where my indecisions get the best of me and may have frustrated others. This is the scariest thing that I ever encounter and it’s difficult to make the right decisions at times. I hope you all could understand.

I’ll give her the Plan B letter this weekend and let her know that I can’t pay half of her card. She's mostly will file for DV once she learned that I'm not going to pay but that's her decision.

Thanks,