Like Mel said. She is trying to keep waiting you while she continues the A.

She needs to begin to feel like you may just be moving on. Keep her totally in the Dark until she recommits 100%.

Hi Melody, Nice to hear from you, I was afraid that you may have gave up on me.

Mel and others,

Thanks for your inputs; this place is godsend for me with supports from all of you.

I agree, breaking the N/C with WW do nothing for me emotionally or our M. I also agreed she wants me to be waiting in the wings while she have her cake and eat it too. No more talking and stay dark until WW ends her relationship with the OP. We do need to email to discuss about the kids but nothing else will be discussed.

The locks were changed but with two young children and no go between, she needs to come to the door and pick up/drop off the week’s kid’s stuff. She was supposed to just pick up and go.

Hey Mike! I would suggest getting an intermediary for this. Only allow her to contact you in the case of an EMERGENCY. Much of the need for contact can be completely avoided with a strict visitation schedule. Place a folder in the kids backpacks and put ESSENTIAL paperwork, such as teacher conferences, doctors visits, etc. No notes, though.

Email contact never fails to turn into other contact and keeps you enmeshed and prevents you from withdrawing from her. You won't be able to detach from her until all contact has ended. This also allows her to play "friend," which is something she needs to feel free to pursue her affair.

How old are your kids?

Mike,
You need to have someone else present for the kid switch.
Someone that can manage the transfer so you can hide. Can't you have a family member there? Or a friend?

Do not give her the "fix" of you.

I wholeheartedly agree with the others -- she's trying to ensure that she hasn't pushed you too far away. That is exactly what you should NOT reinforce. That you are still there and love her....she SHOULD fear that you're moving on.

This is EXACTLY what happened in my case. My WW tried testing the waters a few times, each time showing more and more remorse to see if had "moved on". I finally caved and accepted an invitation for dinner to which she promptly cancelled 2 days later.

As Lexxxy said, she got her fix of me and knows I still pine for her. That just made me more resolved and I won't be fooled next time.

Listen to the advice you have been given.

Mel, We do have folders in the kids backpack for that purpose. DD9 and DS7.

I hear ya LOUD AND CLEAR, Sunday’s talk only ensure her that I’m still waiting and she’ll not get that from me anymore. I’ll never play friend with her; I would only play husband or co-parent with WW, that’s all. I would never accept dinner invitation or any invitations from her until Plan B letter is followed.

I know what you guys are saying about intermediary. I just don’t want to burden others with my problems anymore than necessary but I’ll get an intermediary if she violates our N/C in the coming weeks. I’m going to wait and see whether email is effective or not (it has been so far); if it gets too attached or entangled then I will handle it differently.

Thanks for the reinforcement (2X4).

Mike, just the EXISTANCE of the emails undermines the purpose of Plan B. The goal of Plan B is to remove you COMPLETELY from her sphere so you can detach. No contact AT ALL. If you are getting emails, it will prevent detachment.

As long as you have a strict visitation schedule and are passing ESSENTIAL papers through backpacks, there should be no need for any emails. Only emergencies would be legitimate contact.

A 7 and a 9 year old are old enough to get in and out of the door on their own. She can let them off in the driveway and you can just send them out when she pulls in.

mike, I would suggest that you actively look for CREATIVE ways to avoid all contact. It really is not that hard when you try. Lots of folks do it on here every day. Hopethisworks can help you in this regard. His children are around the same age as yours and he is DARK as night.

Mel,

The next time she violate N/C, I will initiate strict dropoff/pickup procedure. I’ll not respond or send her email from now on. Thanks,

Good job, mike! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I like to get some opinions on expose during Plan B. First of all, is it advisable to expose during Plan B because I’m supposed to detach myself from the A?

I have been in Plan B for 3 weeks but I have not exposed the A to the gym where the OP works part time as personal trainer and class instructor, this is how they met. I’m thinking about making some fliers with their picture on it and label it “Cheating Couple; she’s married with 2 kids and he’s her personal trainer!!!”. I will put the fliers on the windshields of cars in the gym's parking lot when I know both WW and OP are there. Any thoughts on this tactic?

Remember Exposure is still the best tactic to kill the A. That is the main purpose isn't it? Plan A or B I don't think it makes any difference. Kill the A if you can. IMO

Yes! In one of my sessions with SH he advised that I hold off on exposure of my WW's PA to her family until I get into Plan B. I couldn't wait that long and exposed in while in Plan A.

As long as you do it with the intention to save your M, anytime is a good time.

What about fliers on windshields of cars outside the gym's parking lot? Is this tactic sees as over the top by people looking in from the outside? Like a spouse (me) that can't let go? She may get supports from others that otherwise don't agreed with her prior to this.

Personally, I would target those that could have the greatest impact on breaking up the A. Is it a small gym or a franchise type? If it is small you could contact the owner and let him/her know that you find it unacceptable and will take further action if it is not addressed.

If it is a franchise type, you may contact the corporate VP and district manager.

I would hold off on the flyers although some may encourage this tactic.

I wouldn't do the flyers.
Work with the management of the gym.

I believe it is a small franchise with 12 locations in my state; each location is independently owned and operated. I don’t know who to contact and what to say to them? I’m just afraid if I call the gym directly and ask questions, I may alarm WW & OP. My WW may have told me that he works there as class instructor and as a freelance personal trainer. If they are discreet when they're at the gym, I don't see how management could do anything about it. They may said this is their personal life, what they do outside the gym is their business and would not do anything about it. I don’t know much about this gym and how it’s operate. I'm concern that WW will find out with my fruitless attemp.

Do you have some sort of proof of the A that you could present to management?

well...why?
why are you concerned about her finding out? -- because she's certainly going to find out about the flyers. And she's certainly going to blame you for it.

I just think exposure is intended to be to those who can influence the infidels.

I personally think the flyers is too broad of a target, and seems a little trashy. personal opinion....

Hope, I have pictures of them together and some emails. What I see is that management will say what they do outside the gym is their business.

Lexxxy,
I'm not concern about her finding out but I do want a direct hit before they found out I'm targeting the gym. The reason for the flyers is that it will have more of an impact on the OP because he teaches classes there and will have to stand up front and center facing all his students that have seen the flyers. I know he has a self image / conscience problem already so this may give him a knock out blow. His students are those people that will most affect the infidels (OP). I agreed the fliers are drastic measure; this is why I’m here discussing this before acting upon. I have another week to think this over.