MEDC,
I try so hard to avoid your posts as they usually contradict anything that is sane and reasonable.

There have been those of us who have been helping IP since the day she posted.

We have seen how fragile she is and how she has worked so hard to overcome the fear she has and to take steps to expose and work on her marriage.

Now you come here sounding just like her WS who is blaming her. How dare you do that to her.

IP, please do not pay him any attention. He wasn't even married to the person who betrayed him- it is a whole different ball game.

*EDIT******* I have been very supportive of her and do not condone her H's actions... but she needs to understand them. *************EDIT***********

An A is the greatest betrayal possible.

But, I'm not asking about the betrayal, I'm asking about the resentment.

If a WS has a resentment that came from an A, rather than any other failed expectation, should that take plan B off the table for his/her BS?

~ Marsh

***************EDIT**********
I was married to a WS. **************EDIT**********

No, it would merely delay it until she knows that her A was handled correctly and that his resentment would not be fueled by her walking away into Plan B. But certainly, the option remains on the table.

It doesn't matter how great his resentment about her affair, it does not justify his affair and does not change how she handles his. She goes forth with Plan A and Plan B just like everyone else. Nothing has changed.

If and when they ever make it to recovery, the issue/nonissue of her past affair can be addressed. But nothing can be done about at the present, so I don't even know why it is being bandied about. It just is not an issue TODAY because it is not pertinent to the situation at hand.

She has quite on her plate right now without having to worry about auxilary issues that are not relevant to the issue at hand.

I have read this thread and every other one she has had since Thanksgiving Day.

oh yeah, Dr Harley is passing out Kool-aid- ALL the advice she has gotten has been straight from his books and this site- you on the other hand are the first to come on here and spout *****
Thanks for calling me******* that just really proved my point.

oh and the******comment too- you really are showing your best side to her.

MEDC...

You cannot rationalize with an active WS...Anything that IP addresses RIGHT NOW about this past betrayal will only fuel his rationalizations and justifications...

You need to back off of this person who has on this very board alluded to SUICIDE...She is in a fragile state right now...Further what you are talking about has a place in RECOVERY, not in trying to end this affair...THAT IS WHERE SHE IS RIGHT NOW...

Normally I don't question your intentions here...But when you seemingly go on attack of a BS in OBVIOUS crisis, I will admit that I have to wonder...Please show some compassion and realize that you aren't helping in this situation...

Mrs. W

I disagree. And the last I checked, it was still okay to disagree here on MB. That is why there is a forum. If everyone gave the same advice we could just direct people to read books to find all the answers. I think there is more to this situation... and have said repeatedly that his affair is not justified.

read the whole thread before questioning my intentions.

I HAVE read the WHOLE thread, AND have been in email contact with IP, MEDC...So trust me when I tell you that I KNOW you are NOT helping this situation!!!

Mrs. W

So, your advice to IP, would be, suck up whatever abuse her WS doles out to her until when???

What does the timetable look like?

When can she be certain that his replies to her are free from the FOG of his A, and aren't being said to her to manipulate, control, humiliate, or blame her for his A?

And will he say to her, "You can go into a Plan B, b/c my resentments won't be fueled by it now." ?

~ Marsh

And WHEN her H leaves her as a result of his resentments from the past...you will have helped too. I will leave IP to the obvious experts here.

Exactly, Mrs. W. I talked to her today and no, this is not helping. She was very upset over this very thing.

She is having a hard enough time without someone else assigning blame.

No matter what happened - NO ONE is justified in having an affair.

If this is the case then I have about oh, 5 and a half years and I can have one and it will be perfectly reasonable since my husband had one. NOT

all I suggested was that she sit down with him and have a heart to heart discussion. So, no... I NEVER said that she handle his abuse... NEVER and your implication that I have is a misrepresentation of my position.

Your opinions have been noted...We appreciate your cooperation in bowing out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

I have no idea what you are "disagreeing" about. But I do know that her past affair makes absolutely no difference in the execution of this program and you can't demonstrate otherwise. [and don't even try] Instead, you shoot your mouth off and call names instead of rationally and intelligently explaining WHY or HOW her Plans should somehow be different.

Calling folks ******* and "************** and ***** because they disagree with you does not a position make. It just makes you look defensive and foolish.

Why not spend your time defending your position instead of calling names? Folks might take you more seriously if you did that. Put your money where your mouth is, fella! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Well, you've just said in one post what I was trying to say in several.

~ Marsh

so, you are saying that he is justified?

very interesting concept

That would mean that all affairs are now justified as I am sure all BS have done things to cause our WS resentment.

EVERYONE,***********AND HELP THIS POOR WOMAN OUT. SHE IS OBVIOUSLY IN A MAJOR CRISIS RIGHT NOW. IF YOU WANT TO FLAME EACH OTHER START YOUR OWN THREAD!

IP,

Unfortunately your WH is cake-eating and trying to salvage his relationship with the OW. I would mail your letter to OWs parents, talk to your husbands HR department and let them know the two have a date on Saturday night, and what are they going to do about it, and get ready for Plan B. Unfortunately, he is really trying to hurt you now, so you need to protect yourself by going to plan B before the holidays. Don't let him walk all over you like this. I know you are scared, but don't let your fears get in the way of doing what is right. Trust the good posters on this forum. We'll help you out with this.

This woman needs some plan B letters and advice right now. I am not an expert with plan B, so could we get someone with some experience to help her out?