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you just won't quit will you? Haven't you disturbed this lady's thread enough?

jm,
that is EXACLTY what she was getting and has been getting until MEDC decided to jump in and make her feel like she deserved being screwed around on. NO ONE deserves that.

We will continue to give her advice from this site, the Harley books and our experiences as it relates.

thank you

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Enough everyone. I don't care who started it, but I don't want to see anymore threads that don't give IP any plan B advice.

We need a BW, that has plan Bed her WH to personally call and talk IP through this. IP still sounds like she needs some convincing and calming down, so it would be nice if someone here could talk to her. I know Eph(SCBetrayed) needed it to go through with his plan.

If she hasn't done a rockin Plan A, it's too early to go to Plan B, in my humble opinion.

Who is this or what is this BW.. Please. Sorry to threadjack, but I was referred to a BW thread regarding Plan B and I cannot find it anywhere...

Thanks

BW = Betrayed Wife

IP,

For the record, I don't think you did ANYTHING to deserve what your WH is doing to you now.

Nor do I think your situation disqualifies you from using Plan A or Plan B.

(((((InPain)))))

~ Marsh

In Pain, I think it's clear that 99.9% of us are in agreement:


But Plan B works best if you can pull off a memorable Plan A, so that when he starts to "come down" from the Affair high, he'll remember where Home is.

Plan A is about making Home a warm loving inviting place that will call to him when he hits the inevitable bottom.

I think she's been working on Plan A since 10/6 and Dr. Harley recommends plan A for 1.5 to 3 months for a WH. Her WH is becoming increasingly psychologically abusive, so I think she is ready for plan B. She is at her wits end, and I think she needs to stand up and protect herself from further abuse. Her husband is a cake-eater as well, and they all need plan B to wake them up, so staying in plan A will just prolong her pain.

There should be no Marriage/Recovery/Relationship talk during Plan A though, and I'm concerned she has been too mopey to leave a good impression. Of course I could be wrong and if she's at the end of her rope, there's not much more she can do, but if she's not ready for Plan B, and she thinks she can lighten it up, then I would try to go a little longer. Just a thought.

I haven't seen many WS who weren't abusive. I thought that was one of the standard characteristics. It is in my experience.

Whatever. I do what I want. [flutters hookerwear blue shadow clad lids]

This is my advise.

You sound extremely BROKEN. You can't do a thing to help your marriage until you get YOUR head above the water line.

Right now you are getting tossed in the waves because you are making what I would term response based decisions...meaning you keep pushing buttons trying to find the one that will give you the immediate response that you want.

I'm telling you that button doesn't exist.

What I suggest is that you seek IC...probably ADs too.

Take a walk. A bubble bath. Read a pulp fiction novel. Go to a salon. Self nurture and self soothe.

Then when you are calm and centered.

READ/STUDY the material.

This does not mean post. It means read/study the books.

Do you agree with them? Why or why not?

If you do not actually study and consider the material and choose it based on your agreement with the principles involved I guarantee your resolve to work the plan will fail you every single time you get negative feedback from your WS.

If you decide that you do agree then I suggest you call SH for strategy and negotiation counsel.

While your history as a WS in no way justifies his affair..it does complicate the matter and indicates that NEITHER of you function or cope very well and both tend to become lost/escape into fantasy.

This is something you really want to be mindfull of and I demonstrate particular concern because you have both been an active WS and have demonstrated some suicidal ideation...you need HELP to stay grounded in reality. Probably more than a message board can offer if used as your only means of counsel.

Let's not put the cart before the horse.

Don't try to work a plan [use a tool] you don't understand and may not agree with once you DO.

First get centered. Take care of your needs. Create a support system. Address the psych issues.

Then study the material.

Then make a plan.

Only when you have done these things are you truly prepared to execute a plan.

Um, Jim did somebody die and make you King Marriage Builder? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> You seem like a very nice guy, but you are FAR too young to be my daddy, k? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Some of us have been here long enough to KNOW when someone NEEDS defending from certain posters, lest they be left reeling...I know you didn't know...so, no worries! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Mrs W and moveforward - since you are in touch with IP, please walk her through how to block her ability to see destructive posters who insist on posting destructive advice on her thread. It will help her greatly to focus instead of get distracted and reduced to more pain. Her WS is attacking her enough without help from MEDC. Please call her tonight and make sure she does this.

thanks Kayla
I will talk to her in the morning. I don't want to call tonight when he is home.

ROFL Kayla!

LOVE the sig line <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hear ya KA and agree...we'll pass it along...AND...


LOVE THE NEW SIGNATURE LINE!!! LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

**snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

*chortle*