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was told that I was ruining my children's lives, going to lose my spouse, ruin my reputation, trash my soul, and hurt everyone and everything around me by CONTINUING in this affair that would have been enough for me. Sadly, it isn't for a great many. Yes, but that is healthy thinking H&P speaking.... You must put on the insanity cap and try to choose to end an A while your mind is in an altered state. I wonder if shock treatments would help WS... ~ Marsh
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hopeandpray,
My sentiments exactly. We had a good marriage by any yardstick. If you can believe what my wife said and wrote to me before the affair began, she thought so too.
Well, I believed her.
It is beyond my comprehension that I could sacrifice my family to continue an affair with any other woman. My son's well-being is paramount to me; my wife was my dream girl.
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Marsh,
Thanks for the comments. I really don't I have the capacity to be that unhealthy. think I could be short term stupid but not once I saw what I was going to lose.
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Joined: Dec 2002
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It is beyond my comprehension True Hiker. This is true.... AND as Marsh says: An insane person does not have the capacity to THINK LOGICALLY. When I came to ACCEPT this, I realized that my WH was like a DRUG-CRAZED ADDICT...waiting to get his next fix... I eventually came to know when he was about to see or talk to her..He would act GIDDY... YUCK.....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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It's the willingness, er, the NEED, er, the COMPULTION, er, the REQUIREMENT, solely due to the addiction...to be together despite the cost that often, I believe, makes them FEEL even more justified in following through with it. Most all of us heard or desperately stated ..."BUTT, I HAVE to do this". It's just such the romantic gesture to give everything up for their interloper.
After all...they are ASSoulmates.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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..."BUTT, I HAVE to do this". You heard this, too ???? Soo..scripted...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Of topic:
I so love when my DD says:
"But....Daddy, why can't we buy this or that or do this or that"
My standard response: "Did you just call me Butt Daddy"
W
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Of topic:
I so love when my DD says:
"But....Daddy, why can't we buy this or that or do this or that"
My standard response: "Did you just call me Butt Daddy"
W LMAO!!!! I am so stealing this from you!!!! ~ Marsh
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Hey Ark..I don't know if you have read my any of my posts, but I was wondering, when you have a chance, can you read it and please give me any other advice on what I need to do? I am fearful, that when my WH gets home from overseas, that I am going to lose all emotion, forget what I want to say, and then regret not saying those things after he leaves. Any and all advice would be so appreciated. Thank you-LoveGod
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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BS (Me) - 31
WH - 31
DS - 2 in January
Found Out About Affair - 10/6/06
Married - 10/10/98
Been Together Since - 10/27/90
H won't have NC with OW
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THE GOAL was to RECOVER my MARRIAGE. In my situation, PLAN KICK BUTT, right after D-DAY would have been GIVE YOUR H TO HER ON A SILVER PLATTER. KICK BUTT was my normal and typical response to ANGER. PLAN A was SHOCK THERAPY. It blew my H's mind. He tried his best to turn me into that B..tchy, mean wife that he saw me as being..he wanted me to turn into her in order to continue to JUSTIFY his AFFAIR. I maintained MY PLAN A..."MY PLAN" is what Steve Harley called it. He said: "STICK TO YOUR PLAN"..... Another important point.... In PLAN A, the BS shows REAL LOVE..AUTHENTIC LOVE...as opposed to the PHONINESS evidenced by the OP... The WS does not learn this IMPORTANT FACT until PLAN B...when with the OP 24/7.... So, as ark states, IT'S PLAN A THEN PLAN B.... Sure it would have empowered me to KICK BUTT..but it would not have led to RECOVERY of my MARRIAGE ..it would not have led to the RETURN of my sweet, loving H whom I just spoke with on the phone.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Couldn't agree with you more Mimi!!! My FWH expected me to do a plan KIA, he didn't think I would care or love him enough to fight for our M. Plan KIA would have fed his justifications and I could have kissed my M goodbye. I didn't find MB until almost 4 months after d-day but luckily I had read divorce busting pretty quickly afterwards and used the 180's which for me mirrored alot of plan A actions. Once I found MB I kicked it up even more and I can honestly say that plan A followed by a very perfectly timed but surprising plan B (FWH never saw it comin!!!) literally saved my M. I did such a great plan A followed by the sneak attack of plan B that in its own way it was plan KIA. And to me it made much more of an impact than kicking a$$ from the get go. OK, back to reading the rest of this thread... just wanted to back up the importance of plan A. Even now in recovery plan A helps me through the difficult moments when I'm feeling not so loving towards my FWH.
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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lots of good stuff in this post for you newbies...
hard wrought though by those that have lived it...
blessings come in many many different circumstances...
though I will never embrace the thought that everything happens for a reason......
some things just suck soooo bad they are unimaginable...
ARKIE^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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I think part of the reason that my sitch has gone on for so long is that I didnt' find MB until after our first year in infidelity land, THEN I started Plan A, Then plan B, so now we are ongoing almost two years now in infidel limbo-land.
Once I did begin to work the plans, It did have some return, but the narcotic can be strong. That's when Plan B comes in, and the WS is left with the OP, with none of the benefits of the BS there to comfort them. This is hopefully, when they hit bottom, or as princessmeggy has put it, God breaks them. The plans DO work.
I still shake my head thinking this couldn't possibly be happening, but I have a plan, so I'm okay...
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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bumping this cause there's a lot of good stuff in it...
AND
I can't find my plan A get grounded here post...
I hate this search engine...
I never ever find a n y t h i n g...
ARK
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