She has rented a place but hasn't yet moved out, so I am in a strange attempt at Plan B. At the moment, her parents are visiting. They know and disapprove but can only do so much. They recovered from infidelity in their own marriage but never explained it to my W (she has inklings--I'm sure this contributed to her decisions).

But my W is trying to be nice to me--trying to engage me in conversation, looking at me when something funny happens. I don't know whether she just wants everything to be "fine" or whether she actually wants the connection. I believe she thinks we are still going to be friends and that the kids will be okay.

But all I feel is revulsion. I know that she will call the OM on her secret cell phone later (or already did), and I can't stand to look at her or be in the same room with her. I know that this is part of what Plan B is about--preserving what's left of my loving feelings and protecting her from the things I have to say--pointing out what a train wreck she's making of her life and the additional DJs that will follow it. So I don't say anything. The anger I feel affects how I am with my kids.

How do you do this?

SDGuy

Do her parents know that she is moving out? Is she taking the children?

Express your feelings w/o DJing.

Say things like, "I'm really angry right now."

Just saying you're angry will help lesson your anger.

OTOH, have you heard about the F-U Plan?

Although it isn't recommended at MB, there have been some BS's that have found this plan to be exactly what was needed to bring their WS out of the fog. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

Yes, her parents know that she has rented an apartment. I know they know she is making a mistake, but they also know that they can't just tell her what to do. I have supplied them with info on romantic affairs (that is clearly what my W is in)--I can only hope I'm not coming across as a raving lunatic. We have agreed on 50% custody of the children.

I haven't been talking to her at all, which feels a little juvenille but is an accurate representation of how I feel. A walk helped me regain my composure, though.

I don't know about the F-U plan. . . do tell.

SD

BUMP

Here's a link to the story!

Plan F-U

You may get a laugh at least! LOL

So far, her parents have only seen me in no communication mode, and I wanted them to understand that that's not me. I think they get it, but before I left this morning, I said to my W in front of her parents "It doesn't have to be this way. We can rebuild our marriage and make it better than ever before. I still love you." She was predictably annoyed that I did it in front of them, but I don't really care.

Now I'm going back into communication shutdown.

She texted me this afternoon asking if I could pick up the kids. I responded yes, but where did she want me to tell them she was if they asked. She texted back 'shopping--feed them.' Pretty sure at that point that she was out with the OM, it having been several days since she could have seen him. I thought I would make sure, though, so I called her and asked "Are you considering giving up OM and giving our marriage a real chance?" The response was 1) the two aren't related (ha!) and 2) we did give it a chance. I said 'okay, why don't you not come home tonight--because I don't want you here.' Then there was some verbal sparring about that not being my decision and she won't leave until she can take the kids bla bla bla.

So I took the kids out and got a Christmas tree, brought it home, and decorated it. Decorating it is something she usually does, but I did with the kids. Then I cleaned the kitchen. She's a pack rat and a bit of a slob, and I find myself looking forward to getting her out of here so that I can pitch a lot of the crap we have sitting around in piles.

I'm so angry right now I don't know that I will want her back if she ever wakes up. I really need to get her out.

SDguy,
I haven't had a chance to read up on your story, but I am in the same place you are, living in the same house, working on plan B arrangements, WS refusing NC, wants to cake eat/fence ride until the cows come home. isn''t it funny how they look at you like you have 2 heads when you reiterate how they have to go??? like they don't understand why you have a prob with it. my WS uses the old, "i've been honest with you" like I should give her a medal or something.

MY WS is doing the NICE act to. I have been fooled by it for weeks. I hear the niceness in her voice and jump right in and engage. its not easy to resist. I wish I could do the no communication like you. I am starting to get there though. my MIL said it very well when she said "WS doesn't want your M or OP, she wants to keep getting what she is getting from both of you" they are only nice, to ...releive guilt, keep the peace, be friends. make no mistake, they are not trying to recommit! it couldn't be farther from their minds.

my WS wont be out until feb 1st. I don't know how I can live like this for that long. I may be in need of a little F_U plan as well. the resentment builds, and builds. one can only stand so much. not many words of wisdom, just know that you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel!!!

I haven't read your story either but if you want her out that badly, get her out (i.e. Plan B). I have been there and it really helps. I find that when I get really angry, it starts to affect my interaction with my children. It got so bad this week I asked for (and was denied) a divorce. The kids did not ask for this and it is not their fault. You need to find a way to vent that anger but hopefully in a way that won't get you arrested. When I get angry, I lift weights. I'm thinking of a punching bag. We'll see.

BTW, you want the ultimate DJ? When WW says she will leave when she can have the kids, tell her that there is not a snowball's chance that you want your kids raised by a role model who teaches them that screwing around on her H is a right thing to do. IOW, try to show her what an unfit mother she really is.

Oh, man, FB. I don't know if I could manage until Feb 1. I know that I need her out and to start Plan B because like piojitos, it's affecting my relationship with my kids. Her presence hurts me. I think I'm going to try telling her that (via email) and see if I can get her out sooner.

The whole fact that the WS is oblivious to the pain they cause is incredibly frustrating (but typical). On top of the fact that the whole picture is clear to me--the causes, the addiction, the lies, the insanity, the pain, the solution but I am powerless to help her see it is also incredibly frustrating (but also typical). Plan B. Serenity prayer.

She stayed with the OM last night. When she came in this morning, my son was eating breakfast. Neither of them said a word. It's so sad.

FB, there was a great post by BobPure (imagine that) in one of the other threads with an "I'm not interested in being your friend" letter you might want to look at.

SDGuy

My WW is partway out of the house but still around enough that it's very uncomfortable. Yesterday was her birthday. She spent the day with the kids and then told them she was going to spend the night at her apartment. I caught her in the lie by writing down the mileage on her car. She got angry, called me names, then left and spent the night at OM's apartment. I hate that she is lying to our children, but I guess the alternative is her telling them what she's really doing, and I don't want that either. I need her out. It's just too hard to watch and maintain silence.

Some questions: There is much more of a pattern to these things than people think. What's going to happen to me as I'm able to really Plan B? Are there things that usually happen to people? Stages? Emotions?

Right now it's still very much a roller coaster. I'm in acceptance one minute and then slip back into bargaining (if only she could see what was happening to her). Wanting to wash my hands of her and move on one minute and then knowing it's not really her doing all these things, that she will wake up at some point, and that we can still have a good marriage and family.

It's been so long since I've had any kind of intimacy, and I'm starved for it. Jennifer C tells me not to think about dating, but that's exactly what I'm thinking about.

What's going to happen to my WW? She's so far gone in the fantasy I don't know that she will ever come out. If she does, months seems like a conservative estimate. How do you last that long?

I'm hurting a lot today and would appreciate whatever advice people have.

I've been in your situation. It's almost identical to where I was. Heed my advice.

1) Tell her you love her, but "the time has come"

2) Don't disrespect her, but show no weakness

3) Tell her you want a divorce and you're filing

4) Tell her you're fighting for primary custody of the children. Don't give reasons (don't say you're unfit) just state that as an absolute fact - and tell her like you're serious, but do it nicely. Don't allow this to become an argument - If she retorts ..do not respond, don't say "Good luck" or "See you in court.." Don't be sucked in. State your intentions - then DONE. Do not argue.

5) Ask her not to talk to you unless it's about the health and wellfare of your children

6) Tell her matter-of-factly that you're moving on and you've fallen in love with the posibility of living independent of her or even the possibility of someone on this planet that can return your love

7) Thank her for the time you had with her, in a nice a respectful way

8) Show no weakness, do not waiver, do not lose control of your emotions, be absolute

You've got to become a Jedi-Master. You've got to control your emotions. You've got to know how you will emotionally respond to certain statements before hand so you can react appropriately and maintain control at all times.

Everyone here knows, myself included - that all this business is an emotional cluster-F* - but you've got to master your emotions. Know yourself.

Have you seen the movie "Fight Club" where he pours acid on his arm? .. he's in agony, screaming and crying for relief - but slowly he begins to control the pain and quiets his mind .. it's funny. I always equated this scene with my own emotional struggle.

I feel for you guys as I'm in the same situation right now; WW has her apartment and will be out completely on Christmas day (stay long enough to open presents with the kids). We agreed to 50/50 custody where we each take the kids every other week. My heart tells me to go dark Plan B after her departure but my principle is telling me to go Plan DV. I do love her and would do anything to save our M but it’s so hard to decide.

Inshock, how did your 8 points plan worked for you? Any other advice?

Did you ever read through MYWIFEILOVE's threads?

~ Marsh

I hadn't read MWIL's threads until today. Thanks for the suggestion. Inspirational. I continue to be amazed by the similarities in WS behavior--the slow emotional detachment that signifies that the A is still ongoing. Reading it unfold in his thread was painful, because now I know what the behavior means.

I see some differences, though. The OM in MWIL's case was a more obvious scumbag. In my case, from the outside he seems to be a decent guy and has convinced my WW that his wife is mentally ill/violent, etc. The affair is basically at 1.5+ years now (with some supposed downtime about a year ago). She seems very far gone to me.

And she never let me back in. No ILY. No touching. No attempts on her part to accept what I was trying to give. It sounds like MWIL was getting more indications than I have that his WW wasn't sure about what she's doing.

My W is also very passive--I'm afraid that even if she does wake up, she won't have the courage to do anything about it.

She needs to be out of the house so that I can go dark for real. I heard her talking to the OM on the secret cell phone in another room the other night as I was trying to go to sleep. Didn't get to sleep. . . .

Okay. Jedi-master. I know what she's doing with the OM, so why should I let that hurt me? It's pathetic insanity, to be pitied rather than railed against. Use the Force.

Avoided contact (talking to her, looking at her) last night. She was talking on the cell phone again last night while watching tv. I went down and said "I can hear you talking" to which she replied "I was just talking to the tv." Does she think she's fooling me? Does she care? It's sick. I just shook my head and went back upstairs.

What does anyone think about giving gifts to my ILs? I have been making wooden animals and was thinking about giving a set to her parents and her sister and having it be from me and the kids. Is that too pushy?

Just got off the phone with the OMW. Because they seem so far gone, I was encouraging her to Plan B, but she tells me that she has been plan A'ing for the last month or so and has noticed results. She has his attention--he has apparently been in conflict, crying, talking about how it was easier when she was angry all the time. Like me, she spent many months LBing.

I think that she will read and maybe post here. If she does, I hope the vets will give her some advice, because this feels promising to me. I wouldn't mind some advice myself. I think I need to keep up the Plan B now that she is about out, but now I'm not sure. Maybe I should go back to A, too.

Keep working on yourself man. Even the pro's will tell you to Plan A until you can Plan A no longer. Re-discover yourself. Here's a project for you, it's hard. Every day spend 5 minutes thinking about life without your wife - Being a single independent person - just being ..independent..or the possibility of what could be.

The first time you do this - your mind will immediately flood with negatives. Eliminate those immediately. Think of all the positive things that will happen to you. Focus on those. Lock onto those. Do this once a day.

Pray for OMW efforts. Maintain control. Don't LB. Keep it up. Focus.

You should give those gifts. You're not doing it to spite her. Your motives are pure.

Yes, it is sick and stupid.

But that is the nature of a wayward.

Quit expecting to see your W, she's been taken over by an alien force.

LovingAnyway was posting to a woman here who had a WH who left her every night w/ his bio kids to go be w/ his OW.

She told AMIOK to view his trips to see her as if he were Alice in Wonderland going down the rabbit hole to get his fantasy fix.

This is how you need to view your WW too.



Pushy? I don't think it's pushy at all.

Homemade gifts are THE best. And I think it'd be a very nice gesture.



This IS good news.



I think you should go back to plan A too.

Have you considered giving Steve Harley a call?

~ Marsh

PS: Here's another inspirational story for you, written by a poster named Lostva's (Lori]...


---

Ok, so you guys do realize that I tend to get wordy and talk WAYYYYY too much and you STILL want me to do this, right? I'm gonna touch on a lotta stuff here. I'd shied away from posting lately, but I've actually been ASKED my opinion!! You guys don't know what a mind-field you've set off here!!

Now, I'm not particularly wise and wonderful, but I can share with you my experiences and feelings, but that's all. And sometimes those feelings don't follow the norm, so be forewarned.

OK, history first, I guess. One Monday, last spring, Robert walked in after work. He leaned over to kiss me and I said "Hi, Honey, I love you." He said, "Hi. I love you, too, but not like I used to - we need to talk." That was my last kiss. And the night of the "I love you but not IN love with you stuff." Also the last "I love you" in any form.

Within a week, he didn't love me at all, couldn't stand the sight of me, our marriage had been a mistake and he wished he had never married me. Knew our relationship had been a mistake since the beginning (TEN YEARS???) and it never should have happened. Kristin (my daughter from my first marriage) didn't care for him at all and never would. His family couldn't stand us and we had ruined his life. He couldn't count the number of times he had wished I had been in an accident and died so that he could be released from these "pits of ******". We had NEVER had a good time, never really cared for each other like we should - he couldn't even remember the fun times. And on and on....All this was news to me! We were the couple that most people envied! We had had a hard couple of years, Mom's cancer, Papa's death, but I had NO idea. I wanted to die.

THEN, he told me about PT. She made him feel WONDERFUL. He finally knew what true love really was and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He adored her 3 year old and she loved him. I had NEVER made him feel this way, we were never meant to be, etc......you know the stuff, right? The knife turned. We've all been there.

So, I came here and lurked. And cried. And couldn't sleep, 30 pounds in 30 days, all the standard stuff. One month later, he left to be with her.

When he left, I didn't know where he was. He didn't contact us, not even Kristin. He spent some time visiting his mom, but eventually, cut away from them as well. She was my greatest strength through this mess. Now, don't get me wrong, she welcomed PT into her home, the whole family did. They were afraid they'd lose Robert if they didn't. His sister called me and told me that Robert was finally happy and I should "move on". (Man, I hate those words, what DO they really mean???) But Mom called me daily once she found out what was going on and tried to spy as much as possible. We've gotten closer than I ever imagined we could be.

PT and Robert set up house. He already had her moved into a new place b/f he left. They opened joint bank accounts, he brought her HERE when I wasn't here to get some of his things, set her up with OUR doctor (she supposedly didn't have one), took her all around OUR town (they lived an hour away) as his girlfriend. Told everyone he ran into that we were through. In VA, you have to be separated for 6 months to get divorced and he said as soon as that time was over, we were done. Taught Leah (PT's daughter) to call him "Daddy". (That hurt worse than ANYTHING, believe it or not.) No financial support whatsoever. Took two vehicles so PT could have one. He called infrequently - when he needed something (until the last month), came by rarely, usually to pick up something or hunt. Didn't give me his address or phone number. Was cold and mean to me - wouldn't talk to Kristin at all hardly (except for once or twice during the whole time.) He was someone I didn't even know.

The first time I posted here, Deb responded first...."You'll be ok, you CAN get through this, there are things you can do." Ok, so there was NO way she could know..I mean, she could NEVER have hurt like I did, loved like I did, been treated as horribly as I was. Ok, I was wrong. She DID know! And she was right - so was everyone else.

I owe my friends here my life. They calmed me down. Showed me I wasn't alone. Cried with me, took deep breaths with me, got me through way too many sleepless nights, laughed with me, and kicked me in the butt and outta feeling sorry for myself when I needed it. I think that was the most important thing of all. And helped me find something to laugh at in the midst of all this mess. I soon discovered I was looking forward to waking every morning.

So, like she said, the rawness eased - the hurt found it's place, continuous sorta, but in it's place. I started paying attention to what people were trying to teach me, got rid of my stubborness and self-righeousness. Ordered books, read, read, read! And started thinking.

You know, Robert couldn't come up with one specific thing about me as a wife that was bad. Even said so himself. But, once I got rid of the old ideas and opened my mind, I COULD!!! I mean, I had worked my butt off to be a good wife, but..... You've heard me say before that he broke the vow of fidelity, but I broke a lot of them too - unknowingly. I wasn't the best PERSON I could be and therefore, not the best wife either.

And I thought about him too. I'd known this man for fifteen years - through good times and what I THOUGHT were bad times (this mess sorta changes your perspective!!) This was not him...to abandon us, leave us to starve. He and Kristin were "joined at the hip". To say now that he never really loved her, just cared for her? Something was definitely not right. This was NOT him....not from my experience, or that of his family and friends (who he had now begun to turn his back on.) Sooo.....

Well, after reading a few books on the nature of affairs, looking realistically at my contributions to the state of our marriage, listening to my betrayer friends on this site, I started to understand. It took away the sting of his words and actions. Didn't erase it - just took the edge off. Through Harley's books and others, I learned about marriages and affairs. From Phil McGraw, I learned about myself. I was insatiable. My basic personality is to DO something. Now, I had a bit of understanding, AND something I could do! I got stronger and stronger. Sure, there were bad days. Thanksgiving and New Years come to mind, as well as one notable weekend w/ two love-busting letters. (BTW, I found out that he was thinking hard about coming home at that point and my letters talked him right out of it! The power of a love buster!! I'm glad - I wasn't where I needed to be yet!) As I grew stronger, I felt freer. I realized that I had the power. He didn't keep me going, I realized it was up to me to do that, and to keep HIM going, too! Even though he didn't know it.

First decision. Do I love my husband? Yup, more than life itself - not the things he's doing now, but the man he truly is inside. Second. Do I want my marriage back? Nope - but I want a better one. Third - Am I ready to work for it? Absolutely!! I asked myself these three questions every single day. Every morning, before I got out of bed, I asked myself these questions. Same answer.

So I loved him. And respected and believed in the man I KNEW was inside. I learned to look PAST this behavior and into the soul of the man that I was convinced was still there. And tried to understand the torture he was going through - even though he didn't THINK he was. I knew now, right? I took the good little signs and they sustained my love. I blew off the bad stuff as part of the addiction. So it wouldn't KILL my love. I believed in him and lit a candle (still do, for us and all my friends) and every time I passed it, I told him I loved him and I believed in him. The coolest part was I was also beginning to believe in ME!! TNT taught me that, the power of words and belief.

Since I couldn't talk to him, I wrote a letter to him once a week and sent it to his mom's. Pop would deliver it to work for me. They were light, funny, flirty, news from home - like he was away from camp and homesick!! Works of art that I worked hard on at first, then seemed to come more easily. Somewhere in each letter, when appropriate, I compared something that I was telling him with a good memory of ours (and then this happened and you know it was just like when we....)and laughed about it. I ended each one with "I love you and I will always believe in you." I never took off my rings. He commented on that once - asked why I was wearing them - really angry sounding. I told him I loved him, I was married to him and I would always be married to him in my heart. He looked annoyed at first, looked like he was gonna yell at me and then got quiet for a minute. Then, with a strange look on his face, he said quietly "Thank you, Lori." I laughed and flirted when I saw him. Once or twice, I teared up, but not often. I saved that for when I was alone. At the end of each of the few visits, I hugged him goodbye and said "I love you." I got nothing except "You DO know I'm getting a divorce and marrying PT - no matter what. And even if I didn't marry her, I'll never come back." I just told him to do what he needed to do, but I'd always love him. I never discussed PT with him, never mentioned her name. I never discussed us or our marriage. If he brought it up, I'd just say I loved him and I wanted what would make him happy. No more. He'd just look at me like I had lost my mind.

At first it was "pretending". But I was working on me too, with the help of my favorite book by Phil McGraw. And I wasn't sitting around waiting. I continued to love him, but I had a daughter to raise and life was happening. I knew I couldn't support us and keep this house. She couldn't stay in private school. And I didn't have much time. I knew my job would be ending, just didn't know when. So I enrolled her in public school, started working on the house to sell it. Went to HS football games, shopping with friends, movies with the kids, whatever. I enjoyed more days than I didn't. And grew stronger. So, soon, I didn't have to pretend. During this time, I forgave him. Don't remember when or how, just all of a sudden, realized that I wasn't angry and didn't hold anything against him. Robert had held marriage sacred, had always been there for me, no matter what. Had NO respect whatsoever for any SOB who would stray and was very verbal about it. For a good, kind and decent man - the most wonderful man I ever knew to turn his back on everything that had ever been important to him - something was wrong. And I couldn't love him and not forgive him for something that took him over so completely. I learned to laugh. I began sleeping, I began to live. But I didn't stop loving him. I think THAT'S moving on.

Around Dec. he started calling a bit more, bogus reasons, favors he needed. Still talking divorce. But finally communicating a bit. I just listened. Never talked about us. See, now I wasn't "playing" him to get him back. I was REALLY his friend! You know? I cared about him, loved him and wanted what was best for him. Like a real friend would. So, it was getting easier most of the time. Of course, I still wanted him back, but, I wasn't obsessing anymore. He called one day at work, wanted the Dr.'s phone number and wound up getting really nasty with me. I patiently listened and let him talk, no matter what he said, and eventually discovered that he had had a seizure, the first in 20 years, the Friday b/f. Once I thought about it and the way I know my husband is, I realized he could've looked the phone number up in the directory. He needed to talk - he was scared. And, for him, scared turns into angry. And I was the target. Why? Because I was the one he could trust. And I was there for him. I found out later, I was right. Without even realizing it, when he got scared, he turned to me.

In January, I got the letter telling me he was about to file. It was time to "get it over with." And 4 days later, he asked to come home. We took a month to make the transition and see each other. He still had not said "I love you." That came during that month. So did our first conversations about us since that very first week. I found out later that he thought he came home b/c he decided he SHOULD. Now, it didn't hurt that PT had been a B**** and I had become someone he enjoyed being around. He told his family he really "liked" me now - I was still Lori, but "more somehow". And I really liked me too - a whole lot more than I did before. I was very proud of myself for what I was doing - for my marriage and for me personally. That shines through, I think. It seems that he had been doing a lot of thinking - for practically the whole time. And then, one day, he heard a song, and it stuck in his head, reminding him of committment and all that stuff. He pushed it away and wrote that letter - fighting the thoughts. Well, on his way over here on Saturday, he heard it again. And he decided. He couldn't "move on" until he had finished this. He was coming over to fix my dryer for me (the FIRST thing he had ever offered to do) and wound up taking me for a ride and asking to come home. No real romance there, guys.

The first few weeks were unsettling. PT pulled hard and so did his emotions. There's so much guilt and other stuff. He said he wanted to move out on day 3. He tested me constantly to see if I was real and if my love was real. And, then, very slowly, he became strong. And we began to fall in love. And now, he tells me he loves me forever, loved me even when he didn't love me (that makes sense to me for some reason) and that he's 100% "in love" with me (I hate THAT phrase, too, but I'll take it from him! ) He also says he admires my courage, respects me for respecting him, even when I had no reason to, and that my believing in him made him strong. I don't take credit for all that, but it sure feels good to hear it.

Ok, now for opinions. Don't blast me, ok? I never felt humiliated or shamed. We made mistakes and bad judgements, but...stuff happens. I had small spurts of anger - at specific THINGS he did and said, but anger has never come easily for me - I believe it's simply another way of showing hurt, so I never really had to deal with the slow burning continuous anger - I just let myself hurt and dealt with it. Tootrusting is right - we can't force them. THEY have to figure it out on their own. All we can do is be there and love them - if we choose to.... and that's what it is - a choice. We're not doormats or any such nonsense. We're strong and independent and coping with a difficult situation, thank you. And this is NOT for wimps! I can't think of anything less doormatty (like that word? ) than standing strong for what you believe in in the face of all the nonsense. But I'd be there for my child and I decided I'd sure as ****** be there for my husband as long as he'd let me - and sometimes, even when he wouldn't. A lot of times it would've been a lot easier to run - For my short time, I chose the other path.

Robert didn't decide "all of a sudden". All those months of Plan A (I just do NOT have a Plan B personality!) were slowly building impressions that were eating away at his subconscious. When the time was right, a trigger (the song) brought them to the surface. I'm not so sure that he really did it to "do the right thing." I think that's the excuse for doing what he wanted to do, know what I mean? I mean, his love just grew too quickly to have just been "doing the right thing." He didn't change his mind quickly. Everything was slowing bringing him back to reality - we just couldn't see it. PT was being a B*****. I was being an angel. The fog was wearing thin. The letter was a last grasp to hang on to the "I'll never go back" thing. Fighting back against those nagging thoughts. I found out later that every time he left here, no matter how awful he was to me, he went home and was MORE awful to PT - or quiet and sullen. Then, he'd go out and do something WONDERFUL for her.....trying to hold on, know what I mean? Remember the little Dutch boy? A tiny hole in a dam is NOT a big thing. But that little bit of water, seeping through, DOES eventually break it down! That's Plan A. That's what happened to Robert, I think and so does his mom. It didn't happen all of a sudden, the damn dam just finally broke against the consistant gentle force of the water!!! (I just LOVE analogies - even corny ones!)

OK, warned you this would be long and I don't even know if I've helped at all. The saddest part is that it WAS longer....I actually pared it down a bit! TNT summed it up better than me.

Ok, so that's the closest I can come to a nutshell version. If I missed a question, let me know. I'll try NOT to be so wordy the next time around.

Good luck to you.

Love and prayers,

Lori