WW read the email and sent a response about how she doesn't like it. Doesn't think that civil co-parenting calls for separate parent-teacher conferences. Hmm. Deal with it.

Then she sent me a text-message at 2am saying "You are such a child."

Dark dark dark

my my my she REALLY hates your plan B....good!!!
keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!

SD,

Wow. One would think that at 2 a.m., in the TERRIFIC, WONDERFUL, PASSIONATE, FANTASY-TURNED REALITY that is the soulmate-affairland, they would be having MAD PAAASSSSIOONNNATTTE looooovvvve-making.


Instead, she's texting YOU.

Just think about that!

Pfffftt - that's the sound of the air coming out of their love balloon. I am ROTFL because I can just imagine OM's face as she paces back and forth, griping, yowling, and hollering about this - and you haven't done anything at all except EXACTLY what she's asked for. Then, she texts YOU. And at 2 a.m. to boot.

She's LB'ing all over HIM!


Your Plan B is working exactly as it should.

SB

LOL

I'm loving this!!!

I told ya she is very emotionally attached to you.

She had been getting stuff from you whenever you'd engage w/ her...fight w/ her.

She's getting nothing now, but cold steel determined plan B and it's driving her nutz!!!

And it is also making you much more attractive to her.

Ha! Poor woman.

She doesn't stand a chance.

You are doing great!

~ Marsh

I had my intermediary forward the email response I got from WW to the mini-Plan B I sent yesterday. Here it is:

"I will continue to use the phone and voice mail when you don't answer. If you choose not to listen to it that is your choice but you may miss something that you should know. I will not communicate through an intermediary regarding our children that includes your parents. I will chit chat with them but that is it. Email and text messages are flat and things can be misunderstood.

We ought to be co-parents and civil for the children. I don't expect you to be my friend that is not what the phone calls are about. I thought you could be a co-parent but it doesn't seem that you are capable of doing that.

You will have to see me. You may not have to interact with me but you will see me. I will be at DS's games even on days when I don't have him. I think it is absurd that you are causing his teacher to have two conferences for DS. At some point your parents will go home and you will have to answer the door when I drop them off and you will have to come to my door when you drop them off or pick up DS on game days.

You are not punishing me by not seeing me or talking to me. That thought didn't even cross my mind. I don't want to see you or talk to you either except for things regarding the children. You will have to be able to do this. You don't need to protect the kids or me from anything maybe except your behavior. What on earth do you think you are protecting us from?

Get this through your head. My relationship with OM has nothing to do with you. It certainly doesn't continue because I think it will hurt you and he didn't meet the children because it would hurt you.

The door is shut."

No comments on WW's email yet. I'm guessing that this is because of the weekend. I think that the words she sent me are still those of an angry fogged-out zombie. But you guys will tell me when it starts to sound like she knows what she's talking about and I should cut my losses, right?

I only accepted the email because I wanted to post it here. I know it's poisonous, and next time I won't accept it, but I guess the poison is gnawing at me a bit. I'm looking for reassurance that I should resist the temptation of Plan F-U and keep up my Plan B.

DS7 told me on the way to the baseball game today that OM was over again last night. I talked with him after the game and explained why I'm not talking with WW. That I still love her, but what she's doing hurts me and makes me sad, so I don't want to see her. That sometimes she says things that hurt me because she's angry. That what she's doing with OM hurts me, and he doesn't have to tell me about it (unless it's something that bothers DS).

DS7 told me that even DD3 is "working on it," by which he meant getting us back together (because it's what he and DD want). I told him that it's what I want, too, but that it might not happen, and if it doesn't we will all be okay. Also that it's absolutely not his fault, and it doesn't matter how good or how bad he is, it won't change anything between me and WW. There will always be two people loving him and taking care of him and a place for him to live. I'm a little uncomfortable with the kids working on WW, but it's not like I asked them to or even suggested it, and if it makes WW uncomfortable, good.

I think I'm doing really well. Right?

sdg...I can't offer advice, but I think you are doing well.
sounds to me like she is trying to manipulate you into contact with her...thats the only focus of her email...oh, for the benefit of the children of course:) just LOVE that one.

don't give in.



I wish I could tell you how to resolve this thought process, but I am very close to the same. I waffle day to day from 'maybe' to 'never again'

maybe just accepting that we don't have to make that decision right now will help to deal with some of the uncertainty that is our life right now. its so hard sometimes to keep the door open.

I feel better. Obviously the correct response is no response. PLAN B her azz.

She's to drop off the kids in about an hour. DD3 was apparently sick yesterday. About 15 mins ago, she calls my cell. I didn't pick up, so she left a VM saying "This is an update on DD3. Call me back, or I will talk to you when I drop the kids off. I will NOT give the update to your mom, so call me back or I will see you when I drop the kids off."

I waited a few minutes, then sent a TM saying "Is it an emergency?"

Should be interesting. I have no intention of talking to her.

You ARE allowed to talk about the kids. Just be sure that there is nothing else discussed. It is hard. My WH used to bait me to break Plan B.

I think this is an attempt to get me to break Plan B, whether she knows it or not. There are many different ways she can transmit the information to me, but she wants to use the one way I have said I won't engage in.

I think you ought to call her back.

Don't say Hi or Bye, just listen to her update ask if that is all and then hang up.

She might want to tell you when she gave him his last dose of medication or something.

~ Marsh

Of course it is an attempt to break Plan B, but you CAN talk about the kids. Let her say whatever is so important. If she deviates, refuse to talk about anything else.

She is HATING Plan B, so whatever you do, don't go to Plan FU, b/c she will LOVE that.

I understand why you read and posted her last e-mail here. I am looking forward to Schoolbus' take on it. But, Plan B REALLY is for YOU! Reading crap like that will dry up your love banks and cause you to reach for Plan FU.

Please protect yourself from interactions w/ her.

~ Marsh

WW dropped off the kids. My mom met her outside, and WW refused to give a medical update. Said if I wanted it, I could call her. WW was enraged and said lots of hateful things, and my mom gave some truth back, which made WW angrier.

I guess I will call back for whatever it is she wants to tell me, but I am really starting to question whether it is worth this.

Thanks, guys.

How manipulative! I must say, though, it seems like you are probably doing the right thing by calling since it is regarding your DD's illness.

Hang in there, sdguy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've not read your whole thread, but seems she has a variety of options to relay the information to you, including just writing down the medicine, dose and time given. Not all that difficult, really. She is choosing to not respect your wishes.

She will not like those "truth mirrors" being held up!!!!

I'm sorry your mom had to take the brunt of her wrath. I can really understand how angry you must be.

I was afraid she would stir up drama when she didn't hear from you.

When the subject matter is the kids, take her call, but say as little as possible and don't let her drag you into any conflicts.

I hope your mom is OK.

~ Marsh

"I will continue to use the phone and voice mail when you don't answer. If you choose not to listen to it that is your choice but you may miss something that you should know. I will not communicate through an intermediary regarding our children that includes your parents. I will chit chat with them but that is it. Email and text messages are flat and things can be misunderstood."

---This paragraph is her "inner child" threatening you. Basically, what she is saying is that she is going to fight you on having things YOUR way. Obviously, Plan B is hitting her right where it counts. The threat that "you may miss something you should know" is a clear attempt to draw you off of this plan. She is saying that she MIGHT have something to say to you that you WANT to hear....but she is lying. Don't believe this woman.

"We ought to be co-parents and civil for the children. I don't expect you to be my friend that is not what the phone calls are about. I thought you could be a co-parent but it doesn't seem that you are capable of doing that."
-----Translation: I am trying to get you to call me and do things MY WAY by calling you names, specifically a bad parent and a weak man, as well as not "adult" enough to be able to handle this situation the way I want you to handle it. -don't bite, SD, she's working HER plan.

"You will have to see me. You may not have to interact with me but you will see me. I will be at DS's games even on days when I don't have him. I think it is absurd that you are causing his teacher to have two conferences for DS. At some point your parents will go home and you will have to answer the door when I drop them off and you will have to come to my door when you drop them off or pick up DS on game days."
------Translation: "Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, I'm going to make it so you HAVE to see me. Made you look, made you look. I'm touching you!!!!!!" Stuff along that line - remember, you did stuff like this when you were about 10 years old. When she comes to your kids' games, she will do EVERY SINGLE THING IN HER POWER to get you to interact with her.

Just. Don't.

Because her plan clearly is to make a fool of herself trying to make a fool of you, in public. This paragraph lays out the plan, with her roadmap for you. She was not wise to write this for you to see. You are now aware of her plan, SD, so watch for it. Watch ESPECIALLY for two or three things: first, the blatant attack, where she will sit where you obviously must see/interact with her, or for her to approach you outright. Second, watch for her to suddenly or accidently "bump into" you, which will be planned on her part. Third, watch for the most insidious plan, where she will approach you ever-so-kindly, putting on a show of how civil and perfectly well-behaved and kind she is to you, with compliments included, in almost loving fashion. She will try all three to get you "to see her".

"You are not punishing me by not seeing me or talking to me. That thought didn't even cross my mind. I don't want to see you or talk to you either except for things regarding the children. You will have to be able to do this. You don't need to protect the kids or me from anything maybe except your behavior. What on earth do you think you are protecting us from?"
-----This paragraph is very interesting, and probably really the heart of the entire communication. She has gotten through the venom, and now comes the real message to you. Which is, you ARE punishing her by not seeing her or talking to her, and she does NOT understand this tactic.

"Get this through your head. My relationship with OM has nothing to do with you. It certainly doesn't continue because I think it will hurt you and he didn't meet the children because it would hurt you."
-----This may be the closest she can come to telling you the truth about her relationship with the OM. It really doesn't have anything to do with you, but with her own problems inside of herself. Her own lack of control, inability to reconcile her thoughts, inability to stop her reckless behavior. NONE of which have to do with you at all. Her affair, it doesn't have anything to do with you - it really is ALL ABOUT HER.

The fact that you are interfering in the fantasy, well, she's pretty mad that she's having to text you at 2 a.m., and that the relationship in fantasy world isn't all it was cracked up to be. That now she's having to deal with your parents, handing the kids off in an inconvenient manner, and she can't do whatever feeds her selfish needs whenever she feels like it. THAT part, she doesn't like.

Chances are, OM doesn't like it much either <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> tooooo bad.



And hey, as for the medication and the little one. If it is prescription medication, at the hospital the guidelines allow for a one-hour error on either side of the time of dosage for a patient. So you can be an hour off, and still be okay. Also, just call the doctor or pharmacist, tell them you don't know what time the last dose was given. They have guidelines on how to deal with that, not a problem, and you DON'T need WW for that at all.

SB