Orlando, of all places. It feels silly for me to go there, but that's where my friends were headed, and I want to be with them more than anything. Anything else is gravy.

So angry. WW initiated the divorce and is just drifting through it, but I'm the one that gets screwed financially (in addition to all the other pleasantries. Infidelity--the gift that keeps on giving). It's like Clockwork Orange--watching this long train wreck happen inch by inch with my eyelids clamped open.

Venting: "You said you wanted to reach an agreement that is fair, but the only way for us to do that is for us to do it ourselves. The agreement that the court will impose is not fair. Why is it not fair? Because neither the court nor your lawyer care that this action is totally initiated by you. It is a completely selfish (to say nothing of stupid) act. It harms your children. It isn't good for me, and it isn't good for you, either (not that you can see that). Completely selfish on your part, but you want me to pay for it. You want me to fund your madness. And the court will say, okay, SDGuy, write her a check every month for $XX. Yep, that's fair."

Okay, now I think I feel sheepish. Literally, just as I finished typing my vent, my lawyer called me and told me that WW agreed to a continuance. The words from her lawyer were "my client wants a continuance, too." No court tomorrow.

So, um, this is good, and I should calm down and quit whining, I think. Maybe do some work.

Right?

Well here our stories diverge a little.

Wayzilla is leading our divorce like Marshal Murat's cavalry charge at Eylau; from the front of 11,000 horses and without failure as an option. It really was better to have her on your side in a fight.

Vent away my good friend. It helps clear the air and solidify your feelings and options. The continuance is good. Hang tough.

I guess I'm glad that our stories diverge, because your outlook was making me feel gloomy about mine. I know that I have a different situation, though, if not very different.

Based on your description of Wayzilla, I think where you are moving to is probably a healthy place.

SD,

Glad you got the conrinuence.... I know the relief you must be feeling.

Just got back from orlando this morning....have fun with your time away with friends.

Still

Ah, a lovely continuance. Just in time for you to take a load off and enjoy some fun in the sun....wait a tick! You already enjoy fun in the sun!

sdguy, take yourself off that [email]d@mn[/email] hook. Put WW up there and walk away. She can figure out how to get down herself. Don't feel sheepish about your vent, just because the continuance was agreed upon. Keep pushing for what you need. Keep batting that fog back--keep it on her side of the fence.

All you people going to Orlando make me sick. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I remember reading something about mattresses that sounded like a good idea.

"Go to the mattresses"

Go to WAR

or

Jump up and down on them like a child...

sdg,

Take a deep breath, breath...enjoy your get away...you need it. You are not a sap...you are a very brave man...anyone in plan B is brave and strong...

I am proud of you for extending that olive branch again...knowing that it might lead to rejection...but if you don't take those opporunities...

Enjoy Orlando

IHC

ditto SL!!!!!!!

and I am in need of some sunshine.....maybe I'll have to do with some of the fake stuff until we actually get some warm weather around these parts. y'know tanning booth.
I love fla, though.

still, I have 3,5 and 8 yr old...I wanted to take them to disney, but didn't think I could handle it on my own.....wouldn't want to loose one of them <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />...and because of what you mentioned....missing WS.... you GO girl.

sdg......YES! I am so happy for the continuance. I know things are not resolved and it may go on and on. but you DID get what you wanted right??? more time to make a reasonable settlement. now, get out of here and take care of you!!!! shed the WW and do your best to have some fun down there. and have a safe trip.

Thanks, everyone. Much appreciated support.

I don't fear negotiating an agreement--I think it can be done by email, and I don't mind paying *some* spousal support. The continuance will let us come up with an agreement that I can live with, so the engagement was beneficial. Plus, I think that there was some value in giving her a glimpse of the reasonable, caring human being on the other side of the Plan B. The curtain will go down again soon.

Going to Disney (without my kids) has just about zero appeal for me. Or telling my kids about having gone to Disney without them. I think I would rather sit by a pool and drink margaritas (then why leave SD?). Oh, well. I'll make it work. I'm going to have a great time.

SD,

Did you hear about Mickey Mouse confronting Minnie when he figured out she was having and affair? He spent a couple weeks at MB (believer greeted him in) getting his research on Spying 101 done. It was a co-worker at Disney and Jim taught him all about exposure to her employers and the OM's wife. Pep helped out and MortarMan told him to "man-up soldier".

He got a great Plan A going and made sure Minnie's polka-dot bloomers were always washed, and cut out "boy's night" with Donald altogether. He knew one of Minnie's pet peeves was a dirty backyard so he spent extra effort picking up Pluto poop.

Finally the night came and as been the pattern recently Minnie was hours late from work and had alcohol on her breath.

With her cell phone records and emails copies in his hand Mickey asked, "Minnie, are you F*******g Goofy?"

OMG, that IS HILARIOUS

FB,

The ;ast 3 days iwas there it was pretty chilly. We were dressed in sweatshirts, jeans and blankets. You would of thought we were watching softball in Maine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

On Sunday we had tornado warnings.

Now back to New England....rain cold and 36 degrees.

SD,

Enjoy.... go to Downtown Disney and celebtrate New years Eve on Pleasure Island. Things you wouldn't do with your kids.

Then you can swing in the rocking rollercoaster ride and jsut don't tell.

Still

Please update! Thank you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Update before you leave town. If not have a great time. Go figure, a guy from San Diego going to Orlando for vacation without kids?

My Swedish Grandfather once told me that the Swedish pioneers all got together and searched the New World high and low for a place that was just as cold and miserable as the one they left. So they stopped their search in Minnesota.

Are you *sure* we're not related? I heard this once (on Prairie Home Companion, I think) and have used the line several times.

Update later, but things are okay.

Thanks very much for asking. My court date was continued until mid-May, and I'm confident that WW and I will reach an agreement regarding support. I'm not sure why this is such a big deal for me, but I think Fox touched on it on her thread. Probably it's my deep hatred of being told what to do, and this makes me feel like I have a little bit of control, even if it means some additional engagement.

Emotionally, I am worn out. Drained from the last several days, but the last several weeks, too. Since the mediation session and finding out that OM is lying to her. It seems like every day I have to fight back the urge to try to show her what a POS he is. "There must be some way," the brain says. "Someone she will listen to--the ILs, friends" and then I have to remind myself "I . . . can't . . . fix . . . this. She is not my problem to solve." Maddening. Humbling. Frustrating beyond belief. I completely empathize with LilSis, because I think she, like I do, can see the obvious solution to the problem and can't understand why she can't fix it. It feels like there's something similar about the way our brains work.

Then the frustration makes me start to question everything. Will she ever be able to come back? Will she ever be able to give me what I need? Did she ever, really? This would all be so much easier if I believed that she knew what she was doing--that she really had us fooled all these years and really is a bad person. But literally everyone agrees that this is so astoundingly out of character for her, it has to be the insanity of the affair, especially when they find ou how affairs work. Her behavior fits the pattern completely.

So I sigh and try to figure out the best way to keep my Plan B going, because I know that she's going to wake up at some point. I try to remember that I need to take care of me, and that I should channel that problem solving energy into doing the best I can for my kids. I try to remember that I am (or at least used to be) a funny, creative guy, too. (I really liked the Disney bit, Chris, I just didn't have the energy/creative spark to play off it.)

I know that people that know me like me and respect me. I know that I am a good person. I know that I am doing the right thing and that I can keep doing it. I know that better things are ahead.

(((((((SD))))))

Thought you might need that...Great job on keeping yourself in check and knowing where your problems begin and her's end...

I understand how hard it is not to enable her...it just tears at your heart stings...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> , you will be fine, soon enough the emotional exhaustion will lift from your soul and peace will replace it...

You just do yourself the biggest favor and keep that head up... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The exact description of reactions to Wayzilla. Amazing!

Have a great vacation SD. Forget about this crap! Have fun but stay away from the ladies!

Sdguy, you're probably already on your way to MORE sunny skies, but I wanted to clue you in on a little secret.

Someday, you won't know when, things will CLICK, change in your mindset, and you will finally, really, once and for all, SEE that you cannot do anything about the WAYWARD. You will finally get it, and Plan B will be there for you. I'm not saying you're daft and can't get it. I'm saying that you have to wait your turn. It will come, and it will release you.

There really is nothing that you can DO outside of a good Plan B. Plan B is like sunlight to a Vampire. There is no escaping it for the wayward, either. Nowhere to place their guilt and anger, except squarely back on their shoulders.

Enjoy your break, have some laughs, hone that humor. You'll re-emerge from the cocoon as stronger person, and you will be happy again.