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No fair! You guys can't do this when I'm at work! I'm telling you...book club time.

LilSis #1783139 09/12/07 09:54 AM
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I read mine on break...15 minutes to make sure that I'm in a good place...twice a day! LMAO

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
LilSis #1783140 09/12/07 09:56 AM
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LilSis,
That'll teach you not to leave home without it (jk).

It's about difficult people. I would print it but it's quite long. Now why would Rin think we have difficult people in our lives???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Have a good day at work.

PS. we should start a new thread...

Still


BW me 46
WH 46
Together 28 years married 23
3 Kids DD20, DD17 and DS 14
DD #1 (1st A) 10/13/01 with single OW who was co-worker
DD#2 1/23/02 phone call from OW
WH left job 4/02
MC 10/01 to 4/02 (when he showed up)
Separated 7/04 to 10/04
Retrouvaille 9/04
Red Flags 11/05
DD#1 (2nd affair) 8/16/06 with MOW age 29 twice married and he's her boss.
Moved out (him) weekend after labor day
23rd anniversary 10/7/07
Filed 10/18/06 still seeing MOW
Dropped divorce complaint 6/7/07
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Good one, Rin. I hadn't read that one yet. Thanks!

Sis, you can catch up later. It's about letting go of unrealistic expectations of other people and the frustration that comes from imagining/wanting/trying to force someone to be other than who they are.

No need to start a new thread--I like the activity!

FAR, thanks for dropping by and the perspective. It certainly seems that I am headed the way your situation did. I told my IC last night that if it goes that way I suspect I will someday meet someone who will make me wonder why I was with the SCQ in the first place. That's a concern for tomorrow, though. Today I'm living the day the best I can.

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SD - in my case, I began to wonder why I would want to remain with a person who lied to me repeatedly-- before I met anyone. After I became comfortable with the idea that things actually worked out better for me, I began noticing that there were some (seemingly) decent women around.

Some that know, and live, the meaning of fidelity.

Well - I guess I noticed them earlier than I indicated....

far


foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)

I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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Hey SD and Far!

I am going to a coaches clinic at Pepperdine University on the 19th-21st of October. Not to far from the scene of the Fruits and Nuts gathering. It should be a lot of fun.

Hope you are doing well. You're sounding pretty good these days. I still get my anger moments but they are getting much further apart and far shorter in duration. Life goes on and can be so much better.

Hang tough.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Guy Smiley, you DO sound much better these days. Seems the meds may have hit their target and the reading is helping, too!

Whenever I see Chrisner post saying 'Hang tough', I think of that song by, um, lemme see if my pea sized brain can remember....OH, yeah, The New Kids on the Block--Hangin Tough!

[color:"blue"]Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance.
(rap:) just get on the floor and do the new kids dance.
Dont worry bout nothing cause it wont take long.
(rap:) were gonna put you in a trance with a funky song, cause you gotta be
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) were rough.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Everybodys always talkin bout whos on top.
(rap:) dont cross our path cause youre gonna get stomped.
We aint gonna give anybody any slack.
(rap:) and if you try to keep us down were gonna come right back,
And you know were
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) are you tough enough?
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) were rough.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Get loose everybody cause were gonna do our thing.
(rap:) cause you know it aint over till the fat lady sings.
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) are you tough enough?
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) were rough.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, just hangin tough, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hangin tough.
(repeat & fade)
[/color]


Inspiring, no?


Me-BS-38
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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I don't know this one.

You're sure this was not Luciano Pavarotti? Maybe this is the translation to Puccini's Nessun Dorma.

Oh, oh, oh Luciano is Hanging Tough handing out goosebumps! Rest in Peace.

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Good for you!


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Now if you're looking for real poetry in lyrics, look no further than Digital Underground’s Humpty Dance.

My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.
And all the rappers in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.
I'm steppin' tall, y'all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you're gonna fall when the stereos pump me.
I like to rhyme,
I like my beats funky,
I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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aw, geez! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Where do ya get this stuff!?

Fox

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I love Digital Underground

The Humpty Dance, here's your chance to do da Hump (o,o do me baby) do da humpty hump...


So spiritual, so uplifting, so funky fresh


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No doubt the Humpty Dance sets the mood for those quiet romantic moments when you're gettin your groove on but let's not forget classic CW contributions to poetic lyrics.

Deana Carter
Did I Shave My Legs For This

Flowers and wine is what I thought I would find
When I came home from working tonight
Well now here I stand, over this frying pan
And you want a cold one again

I bought these new heels, did my nails
Had my hair done just right
I thought this new dress was a sure bet
For romance tonight
Well it's perfectly clear, between the TV and beer
I won't get so much as a kiss
As I head for the door I turn around to be sure
Did I shave my legs for this

Now when we first met you promised we'd get
A house on a hill with a pool
Well this trailer stays wet and we're swimmin' in debt
And now you want me to go back to school

I bought these new heels, did my nails
Had my hair done just right
I thought this new dress was a sure bet
For romance tonight
Well it's perfectly clear, between the TV and beer
I won't get so much as a kiss
As I head for the door I turn around to be sure
Did I shave my legs for this?

Darlin' did I shave my legs for this?



Wow! Where's the Kleenex? Talk about the Language of Letting Go!

See what happens when you don't guard your thread SD!


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I'm lost--what day are these lyrics coming from?

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September 13. Geesh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Fox

sdguy038 #1783153 09/13/07 09:20 PM
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Quote
Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower.

This is the point I have been making to you over and over and over...

Does this mean you are finally getting it?


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
BrambleRose #1783154 09/14/07 12:18 PM
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Quote
This is the point I have been making to you over and over and over...

Does this mean you are finally getting it?

Let's see. . . where did I leave that quote. . . oh, yeah. From April 3:

"Acceptance and surrender--two concepts that hurt the most before we do them."

I am feeling much better these days, a consequence of beginning to get it and the meds kicking in. Things aren't bothering me as much, but when I feel angry, I let myself feel angry. I will vent to people who let me (most do), vent to letters and journal (need to do more of this), and be done with it. I heard a song in the car this morning and thought about pulling over to have a controlled pity party ala Sis.

I'm still all over the place in terms of what I want. My IC asked me the other day what I want, and, in the vein of living for today without worrying about what tomorrow will bring, I said "I'm not sure what I want, but I know what I'm doing." She called me on it (how can you do anything if you don't know what you want), so I thought about it and realized that I want to be a family again. "And the SCQ? Do you want her as a wife or a mother?" my IC asked. I paused, because I only know who she is today, not who she will be tomorrow. "I want a real chance at reconciliation," because this would let me see who she can be. If she doesn't come back, however, I am ready for life without her.

It's hard for the kids. At the family meeting last week we were talking about stuff, and I brought up POSOM's name, and DD4 looked at me as if I had said a bad word (intuitive little creatures, they are). "So guys, it's true that I don't like POSOM very much and don't really like talking about him, but if there are things you want to tell me, I want you to tell me. For example, I think you (DS7) wanted to tell me about how you spent the night at POSOM's brother's house, right?" He nodded. Then I asked him if there things he wanted to tell Mommy that are too hard, and he said yes. I talked to him about how I could help him write a letter, or he could talk to my mom who could pass along his thoughts. It's an ongoing discussion. Later I asked him if there are things he wants to tell ME but it's too hard, and he said no.

And DD4 is more vocal with her dissatisfaction. She routinely doesn't want to go to the SCQ's place. Labor day weekend we had individual time with the kids, which DS7 called split-squad (like baseball spring training), so now DD4 is asking for more split-squad time with me. I ask whether she had a good time with Mommy during her last split-squad time, and she says no. It's hard to know with a 4-year old, but she's been pretty consistent with it.

Yesterday at day-care she drew a picture of her family (our provider made a point of drawing my attention to it). She explained it to me. There's a box that is our house that has DD4, me, and our kitten in it. DS7 is absent--a casualty of sibling competition, but far off to the side is the SCQ. It's sad, and not just because I have no arms in the picture.

I know that the relationship between my kids and their mother isn't mine to own or fix, but I think I'm going to send the picture over with the kids when they go back over there. It's tempting to attach a note saying that it doesn't have to be this way, but I'm thinking that's not a good idea. Suggestions welcome.

sdguy038 #1783155 09/14/07 02:23 PM
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Quote
I know that the relationship between my kids and their mother isn't mine to own or fix, but I think I'm going to send the picture over with the kids when they go back over there. It's tempting to attach a note saying that it doesn't have to be this way, but I'm thinking that's not a good idea. Suggestions welcome.

So you can educate her (disrespectful judgement) so that she will "get it" on your timeline? (selfish demand)?

Stop listening to the whispers of Mr. Anti-Surrender.

GOD will ensure that your wife has ample opportunity to get it.

It's your job to stay out of God's way - His imagination is MUCH bigger than yours.


~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
BrambleRose #1783156 09/14/07 05:01 PM
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You are right. Not such a good idea.

Just let SCQ be. She's made her own bed. Stop rubbernecking to get a look at the car wreck, and look ahead at the wide open spaces in front of you. Make your life--and the kids lives--about what's out in front, not the carnage.

You are getting there. You are so close. Live your life--you and the kids--leave her be. Let God sort her out. He is the only one who can. He is the only one who can heal this stuff in her, and only if she lets Him. You have done all that you can.

And I love the conversation with the kids. I love the different ways you encourage them to express their feelings. You know intuitively that they shouldn't be keeping a balance in that anger bank, don't you?

LilSis #1783157 09/15/07 12:20 AM
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Tonight I asked DD4 if she wanted to take the picture over to the SCQ's (comment-free from me), and she said "No. It's just for you and me."

Hard to argue with that.

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