Sorry, guy.

Go ahead and be angry. Just let yourself feel it. You will make it through.

Once the lawyers and the judges take a look, they will all do their jobs...none of which is in your control.

Breathe and trust.

((((sd))))

More anger. Getting ready for the switch is bad enough, but once again I got the TM fifteen minutes before switch time: I'm out. Please bring the kids by at 12:30?

At least there was a question mark at the end. I told the kids, and DS7 said "I know where she is. I know exactly where she is. On her way back from Oceanside. Where else would she be?" Oceanside being where the POSOM lives. And he's right, I'm sure.

I feel more sad disgust than anger. Revulsion. The thought of her makes me queasy. When I'm in a more positive frame of mind, I try to turn it into pity, but it's not easy right now. So many things I want to say to her, none of them constructive.

Sigh.

Document, document, document.....

If you present custody agreement is very specific (which I assume it is), make sure you have documented every instance when they came home or left at a time other than specified in the agreement. Keep copies of any emails. If you can forward her TMs to your email, do so.

(Duh, I know, but just in case...)

I understand the disgust. No expectations, remember? Expect nothing good or sensible or considerate from her, and you will not be disappointed.

Thanks, Sis.

I thought about that, but I wonder how it would be used. "See how big a hassle this weekend transfer is? If we had *whole* weekends, we wouldn't have this problem."

A couple of months ago, I asked her not to come to the door anymore when she was dropping off the kids, and she replied that if we had whole weekends, there would be no weekend transfer and I would never have to see her smiling face. Or something like that.

I appreciate your coming around, Sis. You have your own stuff going on, but you're still able to look in on me. Good luck tomorrow.

Strange day here. I went for my beach walk after dropping the kids off. The day was great when I started--82 degrees under Santa Ana conditions. Pretty windy when I started but sunny and comfortable. When I turned around to come back, it had "clouded" up, and I could smell smoke. The wind picked up and was blowing sand.

There are wildfires all around southern California today. It's hazy inside my house, and it smells like smoke. A smoky taste in my mouth, too.

Hope everyone is okay.

I feel a little better but miss the kids. Evenings are better than mornings, which makes me think it's biochemical depression.

SDGuy-

Is a D filed yet? I think that that would help you a lot, to move forward...

She does not seem to be coming out of her fog, she is in a 'happy' place.

Maybe it would be best to realize that you too need a happy place. You need to be able to move past this. I worry that you in plan B for so long is not actually constructive, and in the long run it is not making you look good.... That you are trying to 'force' her to have to deal with you under your terms. If she can't meet your conditions, then you will not deal with her. Maybe you need to learn to deal with her on your conditions, but in a different way? Like discuss kid stuff with her, but get a set Child Custody arrangement, proceed with a D, and move forward.

Would you even want her back at this point? COULD you even have her back at this point? Are you willing to TAKE her back at this point?

I am just saying that maybe if you knew what was going on, that maybe your Depression would not be so bad. This waiting game, especially since it does not seem likely it will change, does not seem good for you.

I once read a quote that said something to the effect of 'too many times we are focusing on a closed door, when an open door of happiness is right in front of us".
Think about it.

I hope that you feel better.

Sadmo

{{{{SD}}}}

I can only quote you back to you this morning,



Thinking of and praying for you my friend!

You will be OK. Take care of you & get some assistance as needed.

((SdGuy)),

Just letting you know that another cyber friend is here for you. Bugs is right "breathe".

No words of wisom from me this morning.... just thinking good thought for you.

Still

Just catching up.

If you like the current weekend arrangement, then fight for it. If not, well, handle it according to what you want, and what is best for the kids. NEVER give an inch, for you will lose a mile each time.

(((guy)))

Let us know if you are OK. The news regarding the fires sounds devastating.

Thanks for checking. It's very bad. They're talking about this being worse than the Cedar fires 4 years ago, and those were devastating. Today we have hot, dry, and high winds blowing the flames west. Fires all over the county. Things will likely remain bad until the winds shift and start blowing off the ocean again, which won't be until Wednesday or so, I gather.

Early this morning they ordered evacuation of a huge swath of northern San Diego county. I am inside the evacuation zone (barely) but am still in my house. I live within a couple of miles of the coast, and the fires are doing the worst damage well to the east. I packed the car and only have a couple more loads of stuff to throw in (so I can be out of here within 3 minutes). Several of my neighbors also have not evacuated.

I don't have the kids today. This morning, they evacuated to the "safety" of POSOM's place in Oceanside. Just me and the kitten.

One death so far, but it sounds like lots and lots of houses are burning.

Thanks, also, to you guys who offered your thoughts (Sadmo, Bugs, Still, SL)--I've been a little distracted with the fires. Sadmo, our divorce is well underway. There was to be a status conference today (it's been put off and rescheduled for something like 6 months now), but the courts are closed.

Anger and fire....2 things that go together in my mind...

God is literally at work here... How frustrated your wife must be at the delay! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Well, it's good to know that you and the kids are okay. Please check in as you can.

Hi SD.

I got home from Malibu this afternoon. My head coach and I attended a coaches clinic with the head men's coach at Pepperdine on Saturday. What great timing that was. We stayed at a hotel Saturday night about 9-miles up Malibu Canyon Road. We were going back Sunday to attend Pepperdine practices but Sunday morning around 5:AM the fire started.

The field house we had the clinic in Saturday was filled with evacuated students early Sunday morning. Embers were falling like meteors on the houses and businesses on the beach side of the Pacific Coast Highway.

I watched a fireman on TV jumping from roof to roof of the close together buildings trying to save the buildings around a central located building and put it out at the same time. It was insanly brave. If not for him alone several businesses and homes would nave been lost on Malibu beach.

We could not get a flight back to Denver so we sat around all day in the smoke. There was a fire North, South (Malibu) and West of us. By 5:00 PM Sunday the sun was blocked by smoke.

Stay safe. This was really something. The winds were just howling last night. They say the Santa Ana event will run until Wednesday.

I am thinking of you Amigo.

Thanks, Chris.

I'm still hanging out, but I'll probably have to leave later. Not sure I want to sleep in the house with the fires still out of control. Most of my neighbors are already gone, but the grocery store around the corner is still open.

Weird. And surreal that my kids aren't with me.

SD,

DD19 read your posts and sends her love. She is worried. Be smart and stay safe.

Thanks, guys. Much appreciated.

I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'd prefer not to evacuate with the cat unless I have to, and it really hasn't been necessary yet. We'll see.

SD-
I hope that you are doing ok!!!! I did not know that you were in the midst of all of that...
If you need to evacuate with the cat, DO IT!!!

I will pray for you and your kids tonight.

Okay...I've evacuated. I'm at work, which is fairly close to my house but outside the evacuation zone. It's open for evacuees--they gave me a towel and a travel kit. Offered me a sleeping bag, etc. So I'll be camped out in my office with the cat. It's a bit of an adventure (especially for the cat).

Hey SD guy! I didn't know you lived near the fires. I'm in Seattle right now watching after dad. But you are welcome to head on up to Oceanside. You can stay with my roommate in my home, or with my sons. Cats welcome.