Chris-
OMG! That was hilarious!
SD- I DARE you, YES, DARE you to send that response to SCQ! It would be hysterical!
And it may lighten the mood a bit... Just a thought! ;-)
LOL!

Oh my gawd. I needed this tonight. I haven't laughed like this in ages. SD, I especially liked your response. You seriously need to consider writing a book about this someday. Your WW is about as foggy as I've seen. What a hoot.

Yep, she's Foggy all right. It's just one more sign that Waywards just don't get it. I'm sure to her it makes perfect sense to want to discuss chocolate milk with me--in the SCQ's (typical Wayward's) desired world of friendly co-parenting, we would talk like this all the time. It's the kind of thing that Plan B takes away.

Great stuff, Chrisner, as usual. I would work in something on the lactose-free milk products except I'm a bit too close to it. Feeling okay today, though.

Here's the email I sent last night:


I know that it has too much of me in it, but I would still prefer to avoid the FTF mediation. Not at the cost of totally giving in on weekends, though. If we go to mediation, we go to mediation.

SD,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. You continue to be a source of inspiration for me. I'm amazed at how long you have managed to hang in there. It has to be hard with children because the A is rubbed in your face constantly.

The thing that makes it somewhat easier for me is that I have no small children, and the A is taking place 600 miles away. I don't have to look at it everyday.

One question - is the OMW willing to take him back? Almost sounds like OM is having second thoughts about your WW.

Be careful Guy..

I think SCQ may actually be 'playing' you... I'm seeing a pattern here between the sippy cups, the chocolate, and the underwear... well, not so much the underwear.. but she's obviously trying to document her parental superiorities via email.. and baiting you into an exchange.

I think it'd be prudent now to plan B all laundry room and kitchen related kid talk.. find an intermediary -quickly-.. Might I suggest Elmo.. I can think of nobody else better for your situation to be an intermediary.. sexually ambiguous, loves kids, and can think on her level.

Yes, she would. It's pretty clear to me that he's been cake-eating all this time. She told me they had a huge conversation about their relationship on Christmas Eve. That she did most of the talking, but that the next day he said he wanted to continue the conversation. Lunch together. Soup when he's sick. Cake.

Were I to dwell on that aspect of it, it could be pretty frustrating. She's been enabling him all this time. Every time I talk to her, she says she's finished, that she's going to plan B him, that she can't take it anymore, but then he drags her back in. Plus, she knew about the affair months before I did and didn't tell me. Had I known then . . . .

But hey, I'm not dwelling on that. Trying not to. It's just hard for me to let go of this stuff when reconciliation is still what I want. Especially hard when it rears its ugly head at me like with the custody stuff. I have to be extra good to myself.


Maybe, but I don't really think so. She has never wavered from 50% custody and isn't trying to screw me financially. I think it is what it appears to be--she wants to discuss parenting with me, either to talk about stuff or correct me.

I usually just ignore emails like that, not that there are many of them. When I'm feeling triggered and need to vent some stuff, I post 'em on here because I know people get a kick out of them, and Chrisner is pretty reliable for some serious entertainment value from them. I guess if she ever finds my thread on here, I'm toast.

I guess it's possible she could try to use the fact that I won't engage in that kind of parental dialog with her against me with the mediator. Maybe I'll print out a copy of the email response I Didn't send her and have it with me in case something like that happens.

SCQ: Look, I sent him this email about Important Parenting Stuff and he didn't even reply to it.

SDG: Yeah, it felt like she was questioning my abilities as a parent, and this is what came to mind for me (hands to mediator). I didn't think she would want to receive this email, so I figured it best if I didn't say anything at all.


Yes and no. Hard because that's what keeps me in it at all. They are the only thing attaching me to the SCQ right now. I believe I am over her. If she doesn't return, I personally will probably come out ahead. I don't miss her so much as I miss having someone. I can do better.

Not hard because they are my children, and I would do anything for them. It's what they deserve. I have a responsibility to them. The SCQ and I owe them taking a real shot at making our marriage work, and we just haven't done that yet.

I agree, you can't dwell on it, but it sure sounds like that A is on the flipside. I would bet that if she Plan B'd his [censored], he would fall off that fence.

Funny you said that you were over her. Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to love that person again after all that has been done. Those here who have recovered say that it is very possible, but I think most say that it takes years to get beyond it all. I can certainly see how that is true.

You are doing a wonderful job though. You have put your children first, and that is the most important. They will remember that in the coming years.

OK, now go do something for yourself tonight. We'll declare Tuesday the "do something for me" night. I'm watching American Idol. What will you do???

I agree completely and gently told her as much. Plus, it would make *her* feel a ****** of a lot better, too. He's totally stringing her along. It's her call, though.

Jennifer: What we're doing is waiting patiently on the sidelines for the affair to end, and the fact that he's not a nice guy works in our favor.


What I tell people is that I do not love the SCQ right now, but I know that I could. I believe it completely or else I wouldn't be doing this.

For myself. Let's see. I did yoga at lunchtime. I thought about trying to get a massage today but waited too long. Physical therapy for my shoulder (still hurts) tomorrow and Thursday, so massage on Friday, I'm thinking.

Grocery shopping. Some housecleaning. Then fun stuff--woodworking or maybe a movie.

Sorry about that Guy.. was really just playing along and wasn't really serious about what she might be trying to do with the chocolate milk email.

Was just razzin the old man <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Aaahhh, you gotta love a man that does grocery shopping and some house cleaning. You'll be quite the catch SD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ouch. I am too close to this.

It sounds like you really are close to this one, guy.

I hear you, about the kids. That was our connection. Our son kept me going, but our recovery is all about us. I have STAYED, in some moments, for the sake of our son, but I battle on for me and my husband. I promised him I would when I married him, so I'm giving it all I've got in any one moment.

Oh, and I'm 36 today...

(((guy)))

Time to update that sig then SL...

Happy Birthday (sorry for the TJ there Guy)

It's ok.. I'm way too close to my situation too at times, but I'm not supposed to be in Plan B either.

*wags finger*

Ok.. I'm done flogging with the damp spaghetti noodle.

Ok, James, update complete

The email negotiation is very draining, but I think it beats a FTF session with a mediator, where I might be triggered enough to LB. "The reason you really want this is so that you can force the kids to participate in your adultery without having to admit it to anyone. What's the big deal with the secrecy and the lying? Doing something you're ashamed of?"

I've had a couple of more emails from her. It will be nice when this is over.

My parents arrive tonight, and the kids come back over, so that will be good.

SD,

Why aren't you using an intermediary? SCQ wouldn't have to know about it. But, YOU could be protected from her nonsense.

Let someone else screen your e-mails. They could just send you the important stuff w/ the jabs editted out.

~Marsh

Hi, Marsh

Thanks for dropping by. I was using an intermediary at one point, but her content had become so jab-free that everything came through and it seemed like more trouble than it was worth.

Even this milk thing is pretty innocuous--she just wants to have a conversation about parenting. Trying to get a need met, but I won't play.

Any content is triggering, though, so I think I'll go back to the intermediary once the mediation bit is over, which will be soon, I hope.

Ah, ok.



Me too.

Hang in there.

~ Marsh

Thanks, Marsh. I always appreciate your stopping in.

Aye, yi, yi. Leave for a few days and there is a chocolate milk crisis!

I hope all goes well when you hit mediation, sdguy.

Mediation was tough for me. It meant laying all my cards on the table and telling WH exactly what I wanted. This is CLEARLY a man I could no longer trust, yet I was laying everything on the table for him to pick through and change. He hadn't even thought of some of the things I had, but by laying them on the table they were brought to his attention.

As you know, mediation was a bust for me. Valuable lessons were learned there, though. I won't be repeating the same mistakes.

Glad to hear your folks are coming and the kids are returning. Isn't there a saying about idle minds?

I'm glad chrisner was here to give you a laugh about the chocolate milk - waywards are so silly. Seriously, who cares what chocolate milk you use? I imagine your DS would make it clear to you if he disliked something.

I tend to be a bit suspicious, but I doubt she did it solely as a caring parent. "Poke, poke....you still out there my BH? Can I still get to you? 'cause if I can, you still care. And I like it when you care, it makes me feel important." Cake....that's what that is. She gets to mess around and do what she wants and then gets to pretend what a kind caring parent she is - points it out in hopes that you (and others) will admire her for that quality. She NEEDS to be seen as a good parent - even if she isn't one.

How uncomfortable would it be for her NOT to be able to point out her "superior" parenting? As uncomfortable as it is for you not to be able to educate her about infidelity?

Hmmm....I think that was a vote for a deeper Plan B.

I understand that mediation, young kids, etc makes it difficult. It's your call. Can you think of other options that would help you go darker but jeopardize too much for you.

Just thoughts.......

Take care.

Fox