NO NO NO NO NO!
no marriage builders info....no educating the WS.....

things are WORKING....the LAST thing you want to do is tip him off that this is all part of some PROGRAM!

one of his fears is that Lilsis' changes aren't for real....you don't want to give him justification that its all just temporary because of a book!

Plan B is NOT an ultimatum. Making him choose you or RT right now, or you will D him and take him to the cleaners is.

Plan B is about stating your boundaries for M, letting him know you still would like to be married to him, and then totally going dark so OW has to try and meet all his ENs. I'm sure he won't take it well at first, but after months of no LilSis after all the positive interactions you've had lately will leave him questioning his decisions.

Yes, I'm aware of that. I have a feeling that Plan B is going to hit LisSis's WH with the impact of a bomb.

[color:"red"] Mimi [/color]



you bet your cowgirl boots I do !!!

Pep

Happy Birthday, dear sweet, brave, Lilsis!

((((Lilsis)))

He still loves you.

~ Marsh

Sis:

I STRONGLY, STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO COUNSEL WITH STEVE H. BEFORE GOING INTO PLAN B!

He will tell you EXACTLY what TO SAY to your WH prior to that time IF he thinks that is indicated.

This seems so DELICATE now that EXPERT GUIDANCE is needed.

Mimi...cowboy boots and ALL...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"] H [/color] [color:"green"] A [color:"blue"] PP [color:"purple"] [/color] [/color]Y [/color]

[color:"red"] B [/color] [color:"green"] I [/color] [color:"blue"]R [/color] [color:"purple"]T [/color] [color:"red"] H [/color] [color:"green"] D [/color] [color:"blue"] A [/color] [color:"purple"] Y [/color]

[color:"red"] L [/color] [color:"green"] I [/color] [color:"red"] L [/color]

[color:"blue"] S [/color] [color:"purple"]I [/color] [color:"blue"] S[/color]

Another quick stop home before I head off again. I am so tired today. The emotional rollercoaster just took its toll this morning. I do not feel at all pressured to do anything at this point. I am removing all pressure from myself and giving myself permission to just BE for the rest of the day.

I did send WH a TM: Thanks for being there today when I needed you.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Plan A needs to carry on a little while longer so Plan B can have it's maximum impact.

LilSis, I'll come and give him a whack that will get him on the right side. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm sure there would be others who would join in... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

And I have a picture in my head of what Mimi looks like, and now she's wearing cowboy boots! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I agree with Marsh (hi Marsh!)- He still loves you.

Just so I am clear... I am NOT suggesting a Plan B at this point. My idea is to just let him know that you STILL want this to work... but to lay the foundation that the window obviously cannot stay open forever. In my mind it is the most fair thing for everyone at this point... for Lilsis because she will know that she has been heard as far as wanting him to reconsider his choices... and for her H because I believe he is again waffling because he can.
I actually see no down side to the suggestion if it is worded correctly. It is not an ultimatim... it is more of a "be careful...pay attention to the signs" suggestion that he KNOW where this is headed.

Either way... I want you to just be okay.

MEDC

BTW, MEDC:

I did have such a CONVERSATION as you are suggesting with my then WH. It was face-to-face. I rehearsed what I was going to say. BUT..it was JUST PRIOR to going into PLAN B. I was giving him the opportunity to END THE AFFAIR BEFORE GOING INTO PLAN B.. I took my words from LOVE MUST BE TOUGH..."I'm setting you free..I don't want you until you want me..if you end your affair, we can reconcile..but until that time..basically, I DON'T WANT YOU AND WE WILL NOT BE FRIENDS....

Wow..did he have a SHOCKED LOOK on his face....

No...no worries about me doing a Plan B right now. I'm just needing to get through the day today. The boys and I are going out for dinner (yay, no dishes or cooking for me tonight). Then I will come home and take a bath and go to sleep. Tomorrow's another day. (BTW...tires will be with the boys, they have the day off school...any any overt romantic gestures would feel--and seem--really artificial after today's emotional dump anyway)

While I really like the idea of a letter to WH as per MEDC's suggestion...honestly it would probably be more for my benefit than for his. He would just see it as more blah, blah, blah at this point. I did so much talking last Friday and on Saturday AM.

Again...words and actions, right? Plan B is ACTION. Up until then, the only ACTION I can take is Plan A stuff. The rest are just words. When in Plan B, the only thing he'll have are the words in my PBL. And they will be crystal clear.

My best friend called to wish me a happy birthday while I was in the carpool line. We made plans for Saturday. She also told me that she heard from a woman friend who is a detective at the PD. This detective's husband is a principal at a school in the neighborhood. Apparently WH was on a call at the school and unloaded "everything" to the principal. My BF had emailed back to the detective wanting to know more of the scoop...what was WH saying, asking about, etc... the only thing she had heard back at this point was that WH asked about my BF and her FWH. (remember, BF's FWH used to work at the PD, too).

Back around Thanksgiving, just after BF and her FWH began recovery, WH said to me regarding their recovery, "just give it time." (implying that it would soon fall apart.) Well, they are still hanging in there. Not easy, but they are doing it.

Sis, I've forgotten to tell you HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I'm so HAPPY you were born...YOU'RE A SPECIAL LADY!!

So sorry we have forgotten HOW WONDERFULLY you have EXPRESSED YOURSELF to your WH....

Yes, you've already said A LOT of what needs to be SAID and he HAS HEARD YOU...

Hugs to you...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LilSis,

Can you make a "play date" for the boys tomorrow? Their friends should be out of school as well.
It might be better for you and WH to go alone to get the tires. You can tell him you made the "play date" b/c you knew the boys would be bored, and you get to have WH all to yourself w/out the distraction of the boys. (clearer thinking?)
Also, if RT finds out that he was helping you, WH can't use the excuse that "the kids were with us!"
LB's will fly!

Happy Birthday!

PGA

this is what i assumed you were suggesting in the first place....and i liked the idea....sort of prelude to the possiblity of a plan B.
so he kinda has a clue what he has to loose.

i had a BIL who tried to do what seemed very much like a plan A a few years back.....i had no idea what MB was then ......but i saw him trying so hard to win back his WW......and then all of a sudden he went to plan B and it was OVER....felt like an ultimatum to her and they never talked again.
i think if she had been given a softer, slower introduction of what she stood to loose...they might have had a chance.

Sis,

You have to feel exhausted right now and deserve a NIGHT OFF, so take it! Relish in it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

If you think about anything tonight, think about how much you have learned and grown! Take a step back from the action to allow yourself to see that you have done such amazing things in a relatively short time so pat yourself on the back for a job well done!!!

Remember to take care of yourself and give yourself the credit you so richly deserve.

where are you going for dinner?

don't forget to order dessert. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When did this "unloading" take place?

Do you think she'll find out more intel?

~ Marsh