This does not sound like someone that you should want raising your kids. You need to fight for full custody and do everything your lawyer tells you to attain that goal. Figure out a way to arrange daycare for your children, and document the harmful things your WW exposes them to including OM.

IMHO, I feel that you are enabling her A. WHat are you doing for yourself? How are you taking care of you?

I wouldn't let your WW just have her way like she is now...please DO something anything...fight to SAVE your M...you still have time...

YOU still have the opportunity to be her one and only...regardless of the history between the two of you!

Again, my O, but it kinda sounds like a doormat situation...She did this to YOU and YOUR family...she's tearing your family apart and it sounds like you are just taking it.

I'm not bashing you...supporting you all the way...please don't take me wrong...but this is your kids...your life...your blood...Do you feel that you have done EVERYTHING you can at this point?

Sure...she'll be mad...WS's alwaya are...

((((((((A))))))))

A much quoted line around here

"let her choke on Plan B"

Best of luck to you

Silent,

I tryed explaining to her that happiness comes from within. I asked her, if she could have a thriving, loving marriage with secured futures for us and the kids, would this be something to give her happiness? Or will her happiness be found in being a single mother of 3 searching for love in men that fool her and use her for their needs?

She only replied that she could not be happy with me.

Couldn't aagree more with this statement. The kids are the most important thing now. Be there and protect them and show them how much you love them through this. Don't cave into her decision.

This A will not stand the test of time. At 23 and her 36 he has to start thinking about the other young women out there he will be missing out on sooner or later.

Wayward babble all the way. She's just trying to justify her awful actions, Alrey. Don't buy it!

Listen to those here, advising you to get control of the situation on your end. Fight for your kids, do whatever it takes, even if that means changing jobs for their sake. You can't REASON with your WW. She can't see straight right now; she's HIGH!!! It all FEELS TOO GOOD...

I think the time for reasoning and talk is over. You really should contact your lawyer and ask for what you want; find a way to make what you want happen...

Rinder,

I don't want to enable the A. How am I doing this?

As far as me, I stopped all LB's that I used to do, I changed my hair and facial hair, I straightend and whitened teeth, I went to a skin doc and had blemishes removed from my face, I worked out but then stopped.

I wish I could find a way to be her one and only. I have done a pretty good Plan A and she has taken notice of a few things. She does not think my changes would last. I have shown her my love and compassion. I do not know what else I can do to save this M.

Maybe2late,

I see you are in recovery. Did you have to go into plan B? Was D ever filed by either of you? I would love to hear how plan B can help, if indeed it helped you.

Just an idea so don't kill me if you don't like it.

The OM is 23 - a kid more less and has no idea what it is like being a father.

What if A2 sent him a letter letting him know that with D coming soon that the OM will need to do some daddy things. Make a list of what the kids need, do, when they do them how they will need help from the OM.

Make is sound like when the D is done then he (OM) will need to pick up the slack of fatherhood when the kids are with mom.

Scare him some. I know when I was 23 I didn't think of kids at all, just beer, job and women.

My 2 cents

Hmmm...I got to thinking and maybe the key to breaking up this A is through the OM, not your WW. Did you ever confront him face to face? Maybe he would cut and run. Also, if he is the type of 23 year old guy to sleep with a married woman who is 13 years older than him, I'd be willing to bet that he'd EASILY cheat on your WW. Is he an attractive fellow? Maybe you should do some surveillance on him to see what he is doing on the days that he isn't with your WW. Get some proof that he is cheating on her. This may be going too far, but hire someone to seduce him, get the two of them on tape going into a hotel room together, shut off the camera, and have the woman walk out of the room. That may be going too far (but isn't illegal), but hey, I'm just brainstorming here. You want help, at least I'm trying here!

Jim, you and I think wayyyy to much alike. People should never peeve either of us off!

Yeah, OM was left scratching his head when his parents, sister, and best friend all had proof of his "relationship" with my WW even though they live in three different states 1000 miles from me. I already knew where he lived in Boston and had a standing offer for a friend of a friend of a friend to kick his [censored] in exchange for a couple of cases of beer (with no traceability back to me). If I had any Italian blood in me whatsoever I would have done it. I also sent out a mass email to about 50 different people exposing the affair, and my WW flipped out. I am not one to be crossed.

Oh! the scheming and intrigue is starting. I like it.

Way better than just waiting for the A to end.

Thank you. I try not to disappoint.

Now you guys are getting creative. I like the brainstorming. Funny but I bet he will cheat on her in time. I just wish he would do it and get caught. I do not think meeting him face to face would be good, I would love to but I would land in jail.

I did actually call him once and have some words. I told him I was still sleeping with her, wow did this get him worried, he is quite the jeleous type. I also called him a few words and stuff. One was that he was a wussy with a P. He replied "I am what I eat". Nice come back, indeed it had me mad for days.

I am about to get off work and head for the house to tell my kids it is not my desire to leave but mom does not want to be married to me anymore.

Is there any truth to the statement that plan A is still somewhat smoothering to the WS and they are trying so hard to get out that they do not have the proper alone time to sort things out. Possibly plan B allows this down time for the WS to think and maybe decide to change?

Have you talked with your lawyer about how moving out might be used against you in the D. It might be seen as abandonment and could jepardize your chances for custody.

Just feel you might want to give some more thought to this.

Hi, A2...

you mentioned that she comes home late...it sounded like she was spending that time with OM...make this inconvient for her...

As far as the earring and necklace...state that you KNOW that they are from OM and you would appreciate that she did not show evidence of her A around you and the kids...

What about the family get together...What I'm saying is bring reality in her direction...don't let her think that she's getting away with this...

Right now, even with the D, she is having her cake and eating it to...I would make her move out...fight and make it hard for her...

Are you checking cell records...I would also do more exposing like the rest have mentioned....

Have you stated to her that she is breaking up the family? I also would talk with the kids and let them know what's going on...get her out of the house, and plan B from there...

You can bet that the thought of OM moving in after the D has crossed her mind...MOF, I would get the house, regardless if I could afford it or not, and then sell it after the D...just to ensure that he didn't move in...

Regardless of OM income, that will be helping your WW out, if he does...with Food Stamps, and child suppport, she may be able to pull it off...

I love the self care...WOW, BABY!

I am not one to be crossed.


Me either Jim. People would describe me as easygoing, loving, kind, giving, caring, compassionate, etc BUT if someone hurt's someone I love or is hurting someome (family) I love I can be the meanest SOB you have ever met and not in a stomping, raging, yelling kind of way but in an assassin, ninja, covert ops kind of way....

If I were to concoct a plan for someone to seduce OM, here is how I would do it (I'm not recommending you do it, I'm just speaking in hypotheticals).

Find a young, attractive escort, stripper, or someone of lesser moral standing and get her to lure OM into a hotel room nearby a bar he "frequents" where she supposedly is staying. Once inside, have a man call her pretending to be a BH that has caught his WW cheating on him and have her exit quickly. Film the entire encounter like a PI. Sit on the evidence for a few weeks to allow him to not tell her. Make up some story that some friend's sister's cousin used a PI to catch his WW cheating on him, and the tape found its way back to you. You are just providing it to her because you thought she should know. I'm not advocating it, I'm just saying that's how it could be done.

A 2ple of things...

If you're moving out, tell your kids about the A when you do. I know the youngest are young, but there are ways that others in your si2ation have done this.

Full blown exposure. It's the right thing 2 do.

Stop worrying about "alienating" your WW. Her A has done all of that. Nothing you're doing is responsible.

Plan B is not supposed 2 be a 2l by which the BS manipulates the WS in2 wanting the M. It can accomplish that, but the BS needs 2 be prepared for the other, perhaps equally likely outcome - you end up divorced.

Since she's filed and there's a date it's finalized, you're headed there anyway. So, I'd focus on getting yourself on a more even keel with plan B, NOT on winning your W back at this point.


Protect your kids! Earlier you said that your step daughter wasn't "yours" in the state's eyes. I find that hard 2 believe, if you've been raising her her whole life.

So, based on what you said - that you met your W when she was pregnant - I have 2 ask: Did your relationship start as an affair?

-ol' 2long

2long,

Hi, nice post. How do I get on a more even keel with Plan B? Just that I need to be prepared to face Divorce? or fighting her every step? So, if a D goes through and I fought when or how does a person try to regain the relationship?

Yes, I raised the oldest her whole life. The state does not require I pay support on her, but I do not know all of my rights with her. I know my WW wants me to still be there for her just as the others, visitations too. I don't think either of us would want it any other way.

As to my WW being pregnant when I met her. No, it was not an affair relationship. She was not married and the father did not want to marry her. I met her at 3 months pregnant. We did not actually date until the baby was 3 months old. At that point the father had cancelled a wedding and she was looking for someone new. Do I think now that she was still seeing him on ocasion when we first started dating? Yes, she would take the child to his mothers and say to see grandma for the first year. Knowing what I now know of her, I would say she was seeing us both for a time even though I was told she was not.