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Well, all, I've been reading on the "other" board. The whole time that I was going though this stuff, I couldn't bear to to look there. Now that I'm recovered, it didn't bother me at all.
The main thing that I didn't realize is how unhappy most of the posters are. That was not what I expected. The other thing is that they KNOW that only 3% of married men leave their wives. That shocked me.
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Well, I hope that I am ALWAYS bothered by injustice. That is a sign of decency, rather than a deficit in recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well, maybe I just hit on a down period. It was just sad to me. I can't imagine posting to a board where everyone's story ends so poorly.
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Agree it is very sad, believer. Particularly for their unwitting victims.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, they brought it on themselves, and they had a choice.
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Only 3% of men leave their wives? *waves blue and red '3%' flag gloomily* Why was I so lucky? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> *sigh* Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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so how filled with happiness and joy are the OW with the 3% men? ( because my H and MANY of the H here seem to be those men)
3% seems like a real underestimate from what i've read here
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I guess the most desperate people find their way here - those who have been abandoned by their spouses are possibly more desperate than those whose spouses stray but stay.
So maybe that's why the percentage is higher on this board. I'd never posted on any kind of board before my husband left me, but needed to speak with others who had experienced the same. I wouldn't have looked for the same help if my ex hadn't left.
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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I dunno if it is 3 percent who leave their
wives - I actually think it is 3 percent of
affairs that end up with the affairees having
a long term relationship.
Larry
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Well, all, I've been reading on the "other" board. The whole time that I was going though this stuff, I couldn't bear to to look there. Now that I'm recovered, it didn't bother me at all.
The main thing that I didn't realize is how unhappy most of the posters are. That was not what I expected. The other thing is that they KNOW that only 3% of married men leave their wives. That shocked me. Believer, you know there is NO logic, rhyme or reason in the mental thought pattern of an OP or WS. So to say they are 'unhappy', that's an observation but in the minds of the OPs and WS, they are happy. That state of stupidity has them giddy, crazy and stupid. As for them posting knowing the odds are against, them..... that is what makes it a challenge to defy. The opportunity to defy the odds. After all what is more odd and an OP and WS? Not much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> L.
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The 3% figure is actually those that leave their wives and get married to the OP, and 75% of those end up divorced.
But seems like on that board, when the husband leaves the wife, the OW counts herself in the 3% club. But there are numerous husbands who then move back with their wives.
"As for them posting knowing the odds are against, them..... that is what makes it a challenge to defy. The opportunity to defy the odds. After all what is more odd and an OP and WS? Not much."
Orchid - I think the odds are much better in Las Vegas. And at least you end up with a little bit of money.
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Beliver,
On TOW, are the '3 percenters' considered 'the winners'? Are they the ones who are considered to have reached 'Nirvana' in the affair world?
I guess that their 'success' begins on day one when the WS moves in with them. They don't consider that real success comes with years of effort. But then, affairees have a very short-sighted outlook.
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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So true Alph. Normal people would look at that as the start of things, not "nirvana".
I really thought my ex's affair would make it. The two of them really had no distractions - kids visiting, etc. But even they couldn't make it.
Somewhere I have an article about how an affair needs a marriage - to survive.
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Somewhere I have an article about how an affair needs a marriage - to survive. Believer, if you could find that article, I would be very interested to read it. Since day one of their moving in together, my ex and the OW have 'acted' married - never seen without each other, OW acting like she is my children's mother, insisting the kids refer to her as 'stepmother', not 'Dad's girlfriend'; pretending I never existed etc, but time will tell whether they actually take the plunge. I have always assumed they would marry. I am ready to hear the announcement if/when it happens. We have been divorced since July so it could happen any time but our finances have yet to be divided. Perhaps that is what they are waiting for? Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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I have it on my computer at work. I'll look for it Monday, if no one else here has it.
They may be waiting for the division of the finances, who knows? But chances are very good that they won't get married. But if they do, they will most likely get divorced.
Try to hang on to as much of the money as you can.
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3% seems like a real underestimate from what i've read here so how filled with happiness and joy are the OW with the 3% men? ( because my H and MANY of the H here seem to be those men)
3% seems like a real underestimate from what i've read here How do you figure? There is nothing here that would contradict that statistic because this is not a controlled group on this forum. Nor do we even keep statistics, for that matter.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My ex-H and OW belong to the 3% club, they are now married.
And they are so happy they need to be in marriage counseling after 1+ years of marriage, or so the grapevine tells me.
I'm sorry EAV, but I certainly don't consider that success. Most NEWLYWEDS shouldn't find themselves requiring MARITAL counseling in the infancy of their union.
Just because they MAY end up together does not indicate success or happiness within a relationship.
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You'd also be surprised at the # of those 3% club that are too afraid to come here b/c their shoes have been reversed. I just have to laugh at the OW on "that" board that are all happy when they get to the 3% club but then cry the blues when they have suspicions that he's doing it to them.
Some of the mindset of those people is just so laughable I can't stand it b/c I know that they'll never get it.
RBW (me) FWH lostboyz
Married for 16 years
DDay on 10/10/03
Reconciliation on 2/8/04
Son 17, Twin son & daughter 16
4 years of a strong recovery
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ST is right, how happy can a person be while married to a person who does not EVEN BELIEVE in fidelity and faithfulness!? HELLO! These are people who believe ADULTERY is AOK. What a horrible way to live!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What is the saying the Brits have about this? Marrying your mistress only leaves an open vacancy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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