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Be vewy vewy quite. We’re hwunting wascally waywawds.

It is very, very quite. NC is holding so far (please feel free to perform whatever good luck ritual you have right now) and withdrawal has not been too dramatic yet. Plan A is rolling along and in truth I like a lot of what I have done. I like having goals again for the day, the week, the month and the years. I like the discipline.

As a side benefit, I have become a house cleaning machine. When I finally lose my job because I am face down asleep at my desk I could have a future at Merry Maids.

At first my WW ignored my efforts and acts of consideration or dismissed them as “too little too late”, but now I am seeing she is starting to really appreciate many of the changes quite a bit. This of course, makes them all the easier to do.

My WW has opened her life to me in a very complete way and has remained completely accountable to me about her time and communications.

She always answers her cell when I call now. If you are new here, add that to the list of clues that you have been sent to the bench for a new starter. While the A was in full swing the cell bill indicated OM did not have the same problem getting through as I did. All I ever got to do was leave voice mails that were never returned. Oh yeah, and I got to pay the cell bill overages.

Quiet talks, DVD’s and popcorn, lots of coffee, a few smiles and a couple of laughs. Physically not much more than a little handholding and a couple of backrubs but at this point I am thrilled just to have that.

I am as prepared as I can be for setbacks, which I expect, but overall the MB plan has been very effective. I thank you all again for your support and thoughts.

Hopefully my insurance will pay to fix my Marty Feldman eye I have developed watching her every move.

Hey look! I am a full fledged Member now!

If you are going through H*ll, you better keep going.
--Sir Winston Churchhill (1874-1965)

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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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add me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Welcome. Well, you can't get your thread locked again way back here.......

By the way, has your wife written a no contact letter to the OM?

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Glad to see you over this way. JFO doesn't get a lot of traffic.

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NC is holding so far (please feel free to perform whatever good luck ritual you have right now)

*shakes a dead parrot*

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Pep, SD, B, Bitbucket!! Welcome to my humble thread. If I knew you were coming I would have cleaned it up a bit. It is a definite fixer-upper.

Believer, the NC letter was done by email from home. It was pretty straight and to the point. No Waa Waa. I did make a point to be sure that the OM’s two-year old son was specifically mentioned. What were they thinking? Now I just cross my fingers and do my best to roll with Plan A and be the light at the end of the withdrawal tunnel. You want to say how hard it is but in truth everything I am doing now I should have been doing before the A was ever possible. Idiot!

I think I have a very strong ally in the OMW. She was almost scary strong. She was in perfect accord that NC was the only option. OM has really gone to ground. But, the searchlights are on, the concertina wire laid and the Dobermans deployed. And I still have that sexy Marty Feldman eye thing going for me.

Bitbucket, thanks for your good luck parrot ritual. It reminded me of the old Monty Python Dead Norwegian Blue Parrot Skit:
'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

We are going to my IL’s tonight for a birthday dinner. Don’t get me wrong, I dearly love my MIL and FIL but this woman can not cook. If my MIL had been the chef on St. Helena in 1821 there would be no debate or controversy on what really killed Napoleon.

Thanks again for the thoughts. I will keep posting as things come up so hopefully you won’t hear from me much. Have a great weekend.


Winston Churchill and Lady Astor –

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."


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LMAO!

Welcome! Don't be hesitant to check in every so often...hopefully for positive update sharing. Withdrawal and recovery is a land unto its own, and is difficult to say the least. Expect some distance, expect some closeness, a lot of waivering in-between. Consistant is what you are searching for. Keep your Plan A (lifetime version) in full swing, and keep busy pursuing the 15 hours of togetherness a week that Harley recommends. But keep a keen eye open for when she just needs a little space, too.

Welcome aboard, and best wishes,
SD


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Pep, SD, B, Bitbucket!! Welcome to my humble thread. If I knew you were coming I would have cleaned it up a bit. It is a definite fixer-upper.

No worries. It has that lived-in look.

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Bitbucket, thanks for your good luck parrot ritual. It reminded me of the old Monty Python Dead Norwegian Blue Parrot Skit:

That was the desired result! I caught a couple of Python references in your original thread on JFO.

I was trying to think of a way to work in Color Sergeant Bourne from 'Zulu' into your war of the waywards thread, but sadly I failed in this mission. The jump from Natal to the American Civil War was one I couldn't figure out how to make.

"All right, nobody told you to stop working!"

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I like your strategy. Your thread won't get locked this late at night. Clever..........

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Bitbucket,
Perhaps guys that can recite the Norwegian Blue Parrot sketch and Color Sergeant Bourne’s lines (ably played by Nigel Green) from Zulu were fortunate to ever find someone to marry them in the first place. These rare and useless skills also rather place a “born on date” across our foreheads.

My favorite Bit from Zulu:
Lt. Chard (Stanley Baker): “The army doesn't like more than one disaster in a day.”

Lt. Bromhead (Michael Caine): “Looks bad in the newspapers and upsets civilians at their breakfast.”

My own private Roarke’s Drift was quiet again this weekend. WW and I did some shopping on Saturday and she actually called me honey. Such a small thing and yet I can’t remember how long it had been since I heard it last. I really can’t. Otherwise she kind of swings from warm and at least a little engaging to sullen and quiet. All as you all have predicted.

The night hours keep bringing me some combinations of anger, depression and anxiety but I think I have managed and concealed them that they have not done any lovebusting. It’s a long slow journey.

Hi Believer. I have indeed learned my lesson about discussing woodchippers in polite company.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same
level of thinking we were at when we created them.
--Albert Einstein (1879-1955)


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LMAO!!!!

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Good news! Your 'too little too late' thing was EXACTLY what I went through. I am a cleaning machine now too.

Keep at it and good things should come!


H (37) Me
ww(37)
Married 10 years
2 DD's 6 and 9.
Together for 17 years.
D-Day on EA -Oct 28, 2006
Second D-Day 12-08....Divorce in Process
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We are going on twenty-one days of NC. Shake that parrot bitbucket.

I heard a rumor in passing conversation through a third party that OM got thrown out of his home by his wife recently for some reason. I said, “That’s awful. I wonder if he was having an affair?”


After reviewing my notes of the past few weeks I offer the following:
Words and Wisdom of the Wayward – 11/23/06 to 1/5/07

On the Affair:

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“This is not about you, it’s about me.”

“We never planned for it to happen.”

“I didn’t even think you would care anymore.”

“You just have to let that go.” (referring to my insistence that the A was in fact a problem) “It has nothing to do with the problems in our marriage.”

“I don’t know what I am going to do.” and “I can’t remember.” about two hundred times each.


On Exposure:

IF…….YOU…….CALL……..AND…… TELL……..HER……..I’LL……..
The above skit is best performed with a beet red face, clenched fists and jaw, and a snarling delivery through your teeth. She never finished the thought but my guess was it didn’t end as “buy you a new fishing rod.”

“Their marriage is none of our business.”

“It was never my intention to hurt their marriage.”

“I don’t know anything about her or their marriage and don’t want to”


On the marriage:

“I just grew up.”

“I still love you and care for you. If I didn’t I could be a real b!tch about this.”
Come on, I know you’re smiling! That has to be a MB prize winner!

“We have nothing in common anymore.”

“We drifted apart”

“I have too much anger and resentment.”

“You NEVER EVER……(fill in the blank with a positive thing).

“You ALWAYS….(fill in the blank with a negative thing).

“We NEVER EVER…..(fill in the blank with a positive thing).


Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
--Mark Twain (1835-1910)


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After a few glasses of wine, pre D-Day, my already WW looked me right in the eyes and asked "do you think it's possible to love two people?"

Huh?

The snooping began that night...


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

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Well it’s time for an update and it’s not too good.

I got my WW’s half of a phone conversation with my BIL last Tuesday where she told him she was going to ask for “some space” the following night. If I agreed, she would leave on Saturday to move into my IL’s. If I baulked she would sneak out on Thursday night while I was coaching at my youth girl’s basketball practice. During the A my Tuesday/Thursday basketball practices were “date night”.

There were considerable fog-like exaggerations to my BIL about things happening at home. Conversations I had thought were good, low-key and positive she referred to as “knock-down – drag outs”. Blah, blah, blah. She told him once she left she had no intension of coming back and identified marital property she planned on getting. She used terms like “I’ve earned that”, and “I have always been third place here”. She told BIL she has not spoken to OM and he would probably not return a call to her in any case.

As a side note, my BIL is living with his parents after his divorce out of an 18 year marriage due to: That’s right! An A with a MOW. My WW and BIL have “reconnected” several months ago and we can all see why now. He has been very enabling of my WW during her A and withdrawal. His A is still ongoing. This is all getting very sickening.

I told her Tuesday night I knew what her plan was and she packed her clothes and left for my MIL’s “Home for Wayward Waywards”.

I had to launch Plan B the next day and delivered the letter to my MIL. I gave her a copy as well so there could be no distortion of the contents. I have not seen WW or spoken to her since.

Thursday night DD19 asked to please get the whole story on what was happening. She has been told some but has tried to stay as far away from it as possible. Like me she thought we had made tremendous progress over the past month. DD19 was devastated to learn the whole story and is very disappointed and non-responsive to WW right now. She added a few of her own stories that I did not know that indicated she had been used and abused during the A as well. She is hurt.

My observations:

- WW is in a serious mid-life crisis and just wants to run away from the marriage rather then work at it.
- WW would pursue the OM but I truly think he is gone. I think some of her pain there is that she was far more into him than he was her.
- Her family is 100% behind her in spite of their normally extreme religious views and professing their sadness for me.
- After NC started I pushed too hard for her to leave the company and she dug in her heels and started to resent it. Her job and job satisfaction has always been a major EN for her. But my focus was on NC and I did not know just how far OM had run.

I know I need to continue on the dark Plan B, but my bucket of love has a hole in it and it’s getting bigger. A growing part of me just wants to throw it in and cash out of a 25 year marriage.

I read so many other threads and they can give such hope but I am starting to feel there is none here.


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Not much time...it's Ace....with a hole in her bucket that's closing.....may need a screenplay writer for film of exposure to OW H. Hoped you might be around, but sorry for your bad update.

Don't give up...your bucket can withstand a lot more. Hang in there til the pros get here.

Ace

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Sorry to hear of the new development.

A couple of things...are you sure there is/has been NC?

She still sounds very foggy, which only contact would explain.

Your daughter should not be restrained from sharing her feelings with her mother, not at 18 y.o.

Plan B is a very stategic pre-emptive strike as you are doing it. This, I think, is a really good move. Stay dark as humanly possible. Search Mortarman's threads for how his went, and how well it is appearing to turn out.

I'd return to enough snooping to see if the NC is still in place, or has continued.

Sorry again, man...wayward women are horrible to deal with, no question about it.

SD


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Hi SD

There is no way to be 100% certain but I really do believe there has been no contact. In the ½ conversations I captured she told both my BIL and MIL that he is gone off radar. The OMW was a tough nut and I think he is on a very short leash. I have had some third party info that supports this too.

I think maybe the combination of a serious withdrawal and frequent exposure to my fogged up BIL who no doubt uses her to justify and rationalize his own ongoing A tipped her over. I also think the OM’s seeming ease of ability to disappear on command when he felt the wrath of OMW hurt her.

WW has no idea the damage she has done to her relationship with DD19. If it becomes a serious rift it will be the highest price she will pay for her good times. My daughter is very hurt and that makes me very angry.

I really thought I did a good Plan A while she was home and I know it caught her attention, but it was only six weeks long. Not enough time. Plan B just seemed forced on me but I felt it had to happen under the circumstances.

When the Soviet Union allowed limited immigration out of the country for Jewish families during the early 80’s they would only allow them to take one suitcase of clothes and the equivalent of $2,000 dollars in cash. Nothing else. Sounds like a good law for infidels leaving a marriage to me.


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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sounds generous to me!


BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04

***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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You're right SD, what was I thinking. Replace suitcase with a trashbag, replace clothes with their soiled sheets and undies, and replace $2,000 with a coupon for free STD testing.

That seems fair.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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