Well I am off to visit the mediator with WW this morning and initiate the beginning of the end. I guess she needs to be promoted now to STBXWW with oak leaf clusters. She has passed along a couple of property “I wants” to her list through DD19. It’s strange but if she wants something my esteem for that item drops immeasurably and off to the garage pile of WW crap it goes.

The best part in all this is the Plan A and B have truly prepared me for something I don’t know how I could have faced four months ago. I am a much better and much stronger person now.

Well I have to go now, time to wrestle with that pig.


"Passion has helped us; but can do so no more. It will in future be our enemy. Reason, cold, calculating, unimpassioned reason, must furnish all the materials for our future support and defense." – Abraham Lincoln

Well I am back to work. The paperwork for the D is under way. If there are no problems it should be final around mid-June, about a month after our 26th anniversary. Serious bummer.

What a ride these four months have been. And what a testament all of this has been to the destructive nature of infidelity and affairs. At this time last month I really thought we were going to make it. One year ago I don’t know anyone I would have traded lives with. DD19, my wife and I were a solid bonded three-player team that loved each other and laughed together out loud every day. Now I live alone, my WW is in a fog at “Infidel Hotel” and DD19 is in tears and lonely at college. If life gave you a free “do-over” now would be a good time to use it.


"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." – Winston Churchill

comedy to dull the pain

I understand how you express yourself

Chrisner,

Sorry about your sitch but glad to hear you're feeling stronger. We all have setbacks and your wit and humor on these boards make things much more bearable.

Stick around GQII abit and let me know when your first edition goes to print. (I was in Barnes and Nobles yesterday and thought of you!)

Thanks,
Ace

Hey Chrisner...if you have time, can u read my pathetic (compared to yours) posts...you really are an awesome writer..any way, can you read my sad little posts, and respond, IF you have room for anyone else in your "friends" list...I'm sure you are quite in demand for advice and opinions...
Thanks.

It seems the Wicked Witch of the Waywards wants to start picking up her stuff in the garage this Saturday. I guess I better not buy the garage sale signs after all. Maybe I can tip the hutch over on her and steal the ruby slippers. Wonder what they would fetch at a pawn shop. Does any one sell roach eggs by the thousands I could toss into the dresser drawers?

No, I am not bitter.

WW told DD19 at their “clear the air” lunch last Sunday that the A is over and they do not contact each other. However she then told DD19, “But you never know what might happen after the divorce is final.” Right, there is no contact. Even DD did not fall for that one.

Well I have to go. Think I will do some YaHoo searches for roach eggs.


“Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.” – Winston Churchill

“I still love you and care for you. If I didn’t I could be a real b!tch about this.” – WW one week after D-Day

I have NO DOUBT

that there will be a time when WW wants desperately to reconcile ... are you slamming that door & locking it and throwing away the key?

Pep

chrisner,

I have a sign in my office that says -

"Arguing with an inspector is like wrestling with a pig in the mud. After a while you realize that the pig enjoys it"

LOL

Just read quickly through your thread. You are a pretty funny dude. How refreshing and uplifting, even in the midst of incredible pain.

Pep,

"I have NO DOUBT that there will be a time when WW wants desperately to reconcile ... are you slamming that door & locking it and throwing away the key?" - Pep

Wow Pep. I have heard that happens a lot in these forums but I find that harder to believe than the affair happening which is still almost inconceivable. The W is so far gone now and all there seems to be is the rotting pod person WW in her place and I am none too fond of her.

Knowing her stubbornness the event you predict would be a long way off and I can’t see it happening prior to the D being final. Where will I be then? Every day now reveals new discoveries to me about me.

The house already looks very different, and truthfully much better, and I like it. The bedroom is beautiful and I like it. I can play the trumpet leaning against the kitchen cabinets at 9:00 PM and I like it. I spend less and less time thinking of her and wondering “what if I had” and I like it. Plan B at it’s Best?

So I guess I took all that time not answering your question. But if somehow you are correct, I do need to find my answer.

I am correct ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ... as usual

*snort*

Pep

Classic!

how do the neighbors and their dogs feel about this?

Just an interesting note.

Do you see the date I sign on to MB? 9-11-2000. (OMG--I've been on here longer than Pep! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />) Just THIS YEAR (that's SEVEN YEARS LATER, for the math impaired), my XH finally realized he had made a mistake and regrets losing our marriage. That's SEVEN YEARS...and I think he is just seeing it as "what he lost" not all the people he hurt and what he did to us. It's still, seven years later, all about him.

Soooooo...chrisner, some of them really never do "get it." They are too stubborn or too prideful or something, but they just can not allow themselves to admit it was wrong. They made a bad choice, and rather than admit they were wrong, they will back it until they die with more and more bad choices. Its sad really....

Your faithful friend,

CJ

P.S. What is a crafty pig called? CunningHAM!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Pep

I am going to keep practicing until the police have to let me know how they feel. As far as the dogs go, payback is a b!tch.

CJ,

I read somewhere that almost 90% of walk away WS's eventually want to come back. Sometimes years later like yours, where the left behind spouse has already moved on and remarried. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The percentage of WS's having exit affairs is very low compared to those that fall into an affair, never really wanting a divorce before hand.

Chrisner,

CJ is a newbie. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Actually, Pep is very likely right and the reality is that often the BS has moved on. But, never say never. You two have been married a long time, and I am betting a lot of it was good...very good. Your WW will one day remember she once was simply a W with an H that loved and a daughter that loved her. She may then remember the times that were good. And then, she just might remember you.

One never knows what wakes people up, but the good news is that they often do.

Oh, and don't worry about how to respond if that happens, it is situationally dependent and unless you can foretell the future, you have no idea what the right response will be.

Hang in there and be there for your daughter.

God Bless,

JL

Well the Kilimanjaro of wayward stuff left the garage on Saturday. DD19’s new boyfriend came to help and was terrific. So far I like this kid. After her last boyfriend I told her I don’t want to meet another one until the person that’s with him is really her and not an actress in a skit. She remembered, because Saturday night she told me, “I’m really not having to be an actress in this relationship Dad” He has been giving DD good support and some real mature advice on dealing with WW and the time it will take them to rebuild their relationship.

This new kid’s dad left his family for an OW when he was just seven years old and then died when he was twelve. His mom never recovered and he has mostly been raised by his grandparents. Yet another affair trampling young lives and destroying families. That’s clearly all they are good for.

I am not sure what WW was expecting but for some reason seemed surprised by the whole event. I was very prepared and with DD’s BF we had her 14’ moving van loaded in fifteen minutes. No talking, just loading. After we completed the load I asked her to come inside and make a determination about a few things that could go either way. This was the first time she has been in the house in a month and things have changed a lot. When you look around there is no evidence she was ever here at all. I am not sure if she expected a half bare torn up mess but in truth the place looks really great.

I would ask her if she wanted this item or that picture and she suddenly started saying, “Well this is just too overwhelming.” She repeated this three or four times at the house and a couple more times to DD who helped her unload at the “Infidel Hotel”. I did not ask her to clarify but clearly it took her back a little.

I told her I would be ready for her to come back next week to sort through the Christmas stuff, kitchen items she needs to select and books (we have a lot of books) and then we should be all through in the house. I then told her that if we remain on the amicable path we have been on she would probably not have to see me any more that 4-5 times again before it’s over. She counters with, “Well there will still be DD’s birthdays and some holidays where we will always see each other.” I told her I don’t think that’s going to happen. She seemed a little hurt and said, “Well, that would be your decision.” I replied to her no, she has made all the decisions here. I guess this is the “we will still be friends” thing.

Maybe time will mellow my stance but right now I really don’t want to see her. Just as it is for the WS’s, contact is an emotional setback for the person still in love and that is clearly only me in this relationship. Saturday was a tough day for me. Funny that if all the Plan A’ing and Plan B’ing fail and the WS files for D anyway then the BS is the one that gets to go through the withdrawal too. Oh well, sucks to be a BS.

Guess it’s time to take Cher’s advice to Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck when he tells her he is in love with her. “Well, snap out of it.”


My advice to you is to get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
--Socrates (470-399 BC)

I prefer the immortal words of Socrates when he said, "I drank what?"

You're doing great. You're showing WW more class and grace than she has shown you...or has any right to expect.

Chrisner.


Sorry your heading for the DV forum, it is what it is.


I had such a great laugh reading your posts....


Your on the mark with "snap out of it". Moon struck is such a great movie...


King of Hearts is hilariously, fabulously funny old war time story about a town gone mad with a twist...


U will re-calibrate yourself and make it through the shock, numbness, profound dissappointment, disrespect and setbacks.

Skylite

I loved that movie. I took my very first “dating” girlfriend to see it at the Ogden Theater in Denver in 1977.

1967 Alan Bates and Genevieve Bujold mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....genevieve

Who was really insane at The Great War?

Plumpick (Alan Bates): I wonder, sir, if you have the right Plumpick, sir. You see, I’m an ornithology (carrier pigeon handler) specialist.

Colonel MacBibenbrook: This calls for a specialist, Pumpernickel. You think we pulled your name out of a hat?

Plumpick (Alan Bates): It’s the explosives, sir. I wonder, sir, if perhaps one of the chaps with ordnance may not do the job just a wee bit better, sir.


star*fish: Did they ever show King of Hearts at the Old Saenger Theatre?


bitbucket old man here’s one for you.

“A prayer is as good as a bayonet on a day like this.” – Color Sergeant Bourne

Sounds like my Saturday.