Great to hear!!

The bees are ahead by two!!

It is amazing to me when the waywards attorney's offer a dose of reality. I have been going through similar things with my ex.

Unlike you, however, I haven't always had the self discipline to stay quiet and I think it is very admirable of you.

I strongly believe your DD should write Wayzilla a letter. Hurt words from you would do nothing compared to the razor blade cuts she would feel about words coming from her daughter.

It is amazing to me that she actually believes that if her friend wasn't in the equation as an influence that she thinks her daughter would be ok.

My ex is the same way. She thinks the kids will be just fine with no acceptance of the fact that step parents, step kids, and mixed families are the number one indicator of divorce above anything else.

Mixed families are a huge challenge, but you have a grown daughter, so that won't be a huge issue for you.

I seriously admire your strength. I know you may not feel it at times and I'm sure you do your fair share of crying, as I did, but you have been strong around Wayzilla and that is very commendable. I wish I could borrow what you have and used it a year ago.

Congratulations. Don't make anything easy for her.

Unbelievable brokendreams. She thinks her best friends distaste for infidelity is damaging DD19.


My sister's husband asked a very, very sobering question last night when he heard about WW's physical appearance and color. "Does Gollum do drugs?"

The thought had never occured to me and hit like a brick. The unthinking knee jerk belief is "Oh no, she would never...". But for 25-1/2 years I believed to my core and with my life that she would never have an affair.

For whatever is left of WW I have to hope for her that it could not be sinking that low. The question has left me a little in a daze.

Well, it is certainly grounds for asking for a drug test. You can bring it up with your attorney.

Take a good hard look at her and see if it passes your sniff test.

Congratulations Chisner. I think the proceedings went about as well as you could have hoped. WW is getting a reality dose of with DD and her friend who will not support her fantasy. Good for them. Be the rock for your DD and she will never forget that.

The waywards are capable of anything (see the article about wayward stabbing 3 year old son after OMW outed their affair and desparate astronaut, and WW who killed husband and cut his body into pieces and dumped it in the river). Nothing the wayward person does anymore surprises me. They are and have truly gone insane and carry a little evil with them as a badge.

Hang in there.

DRUGS <~~~ was the first thought that came to my (medical) mind when I read your description of how Wayzilla physically appeared

Pep,

If I had not been married to her for 25 years it would have been the first thing through my mind too. I have had several manager training sessions over the years to look for things just like this.

I so dearly hope for her that it is just the stress and the guilt being surpressed deep, deep inside by what little of W remains.

Have DD pull a hair from WW's head

Chisner:

Late to your thread. Congratulations on your mind set if not for why you had to get there.

Echoing PeP,


First thing I thought of when I started reading your thread.

Since your daughter is of age, you probably have no grounds for a requested drug test. This is something to keep in the back of your mind should DD19 decide to start seeing more of her mother. Drugs would explain a lot of what I read in your story.

Larry

Probably no need to even go that far Pep. She has lost a lot of hair since I last saw her. Her brush would probably be full of it. MIL has very thin hair now and Wayzilla started having early issues with it the past couple years too.

But it really surprised me how much hair loss she has had since I saw her last.

Chris, that's a scary and sobering thought. At this point, would knowing make any difference to you? (I say that off the top of my head and haven't thought it through either way.) I expect that I would want to know. Maybe it would make things easier to forgive. Don't know.

The A alone can make the WS appear t/b an addict. I questioned my then WS as well.

Still if you can get a sample of her hair strand, maybe you can get confirmation for your peace of mind.

L.

No SD, in truth it would just make me want the next 49 days to pass all the faster. I wish her no harm but I have no control over her life. She has chosen her path. If this were somehow true, it will become known soon enough and I don’t need to go looking for it. I just don’t need it to happen in the next 49 days. Orchid’s explanation still seems the most probable one to me. For WW’s sake I truly hope so.

After the experience at court yesterday, and with her embarrassing affair fogenese she barked out in the conference room I really know now that I no longer love her. This is now all for the best. It is best for me and I will do everything I can do to make it the best it can possibly be for DD19.

She gave me the best of everything she had for over 25 years and I will never forget her for that. For those years she truly deserves my thanks. It was a great marriage and that’s how I will always remember it. . She was a beautiful, smart, caring woman who could never say no to anyone who needed help. Together we brought our incredible daughter to adulthood. I was always proud and lucky to have that woman at my side as my life's best friend, my lover and my partner. I never thought it would end. But that woman is gone. And clearly in her mind, that man is gone too.

We may not even have to see each other again to complete what we have to do to finalize the divorce. If so, one of my last memories of her will be her walking off into a driving snowstorm from the courthouse looking alone, frail and defeated on the 26th anniversary of my proposal to her.

The lights have been extinguished in the lighthouse.

((((((((((((((((((((((chrisner)))))))))))))))))))))))

I am very saddened to hear that the lighthouse has been extinguished. I clearly remember the day the last little candle blew out in my instance too. and even while your head knows it's the best and wisest thing to do, it's still a little sad.

However, I tip my feathered tiara to you! Raise your glasses everyone! Here's to chrisner and his wonderful new future! From this point forward you can hold your head high, because you behaved morally and faithfully in the face of enormous pain. I have to say that personally, I admire the way you have handled yourself at every turn, and you are the kind of gentleman a true lady would look for. You have many qualities and characteristics that show deep character. So here's to you, chrisner. You have an emotionally and mentally healthy future ahead, a smart, wonderful daughter in your life, and hey...you're in the Rockies and it doesn't really get any better than that!!!

TO CHRISNER!!!


--CJ

I second all that!

My glass is raised to you! TO CHRISNER!

Here here! SLAINTE!

May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields,
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of his hand

Chrisner,

That was absoultely beautiful what you said about you M and W and your years together. I admire that you can see past the pain.

Need to wonder do the WS"s ever look at thier M the same way.

You are going to make some lady a very happy woman some day with the love you have to share. Ladies in the rockies prepare yourself there is soon to be a wonderful man free and available.

Still

No offense, Chris, but your plan B is being ruined by your DD19. Plan B is a means of protecting what little love you have for your WS and allowing the OP to try and meet all your WW's emotional needs by removing yourself completely from the horrible situation. Through no fault of DD19, you are getting daily updates of your WW's wayward behavior which are continuing to make love bank withdrawals. If there is any slightest notion of a hope of getting back with your WW before you move on (and I wouldn't fault you if you did move on), you need to sit down with DD19 and tell her that if she needs to talk to you about her mother, that's okay, but other than that, you would like to hear nothing about her to protect what little love you have left for her. She will understand. Plan B is always hard when children are involved. You need to further distance yourself from Wayzilla's madness.

Absolutely no offense taken Jim. I am very truly glad you posted on my thread. I have followed your story for the entire time I have been at MB and have silently but enthusiastically cheered you on. You are without a doubt the Sir Galahad of the Knights Against Infidelity and the Order of Exposure.

In spite of what you have read here I have almost no knowledge at all of what WW is doing. When she left our home I ceased in all activity of trying to monitor her love life. Based on the fog talk etc I have heard I have no doubt she is still quietly active in her affair. DD19 is actually working overtime to avoid any contact with her mother and the last thing she wants to know is about the status of the affair. She is no source of information regarding WW’s affair at all. When the divorce is done I believe their relationship will be happily displayed for all to admire.

I am fairly clear on the goals of Plan B but I have many strikes against me. I have an entire household of supportive (and fairly wealthy) family enabling and rooting my WW on to her goal of happiness. Even with split finances she has no problem making any ends meet. They have completely replaced me as a financial need. I have no doubt he has replaced me at all emotional and SF needs. In addition, when this divorce is final WW already knows she will have close to $175,000 in liquid cash (yes that’s right) and another $200,000 in investment assets. She is not sweating and will probably have the patience to sit in her Mother’s spare bedroom quite a while for her payday. I have no leverage. I have no weapons. She has all the weapons and the high ground.

I have lost and must surrender. I long ago realized I have only the choice to lose or lose very badly. I have chosen to simply lose.

My only goal now is to help DD19 to the very best future she can achieve with or without her mother. I don’t know how that will turn out. But the irony is that WW stands to lose the most valuable asset we have through her own selfishness and entitlement.

Yes Jim, my loves light has extinguished, but it had nothing to do with DD19.