Milk, that sounds like good progress. I hope you feel good about sticking to what you want for DS and what YOU need.

It's nice to hear that your WH does have concern for your well-being. Your H is probably still lurking inside. Like you said, walk your line, if the two converge one day, and you are both ready, you may find each other again.

Thanks Silent, that's how I feel too. I have stopped trying to 'control' my destiny. Whatever happens must be the best plan for me.

Milk

I got email from STBX - he spent a night with DS4 yesterday. He said "you are doing a great job with DS4, mama".

Wow! I was really really happy to hear that!!!

Milk

Had lunch with friends I used to work with - it was nice out so we, five of us, sat outside. We had many silly conversations, and I was laughing so hard - I wasn't able to laugh like that two years ago - I have come a looooooooooooong way!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Milk

Laughter is a wonderful tonic for hardship.

May your weekend be kind to you.

SS

Thanks SS. It was a nice weekend.

Milk

I do so love to laugh, and am glad that I can do it again. It really is the best medicine.

Hi Silent, good to hear from you. How was your weekend with your little one? DS4 is taking a swimming lesson this spring and he is enjoying it very much. I read about you losing cool when your 4-year-old told you that he did not 'want' to clean up his mess. I lauged <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, I can so much relate to that! Thanks for the good medicine!

It's been quiet in terms of events/communications between WH and me, and he is acting like more a reasonable/rational person these days. I spoke to his mom this afternoon and she was telling me the same thing.

Last Saturday I took DS4 to his swimming class and WH picked him up from there. He looked at me and said "you look nice Milk". Two years ago, he could not even look at me in the eyes. He was always angry. Last year, we had good communication but that's because he wanted to come home for wrong reasons (financial reasons).

I honestly do not know how I am feeling about him now. I do not think I want to get back with him....., too much water under the bridge...., at the same time, when he acts more like how he used to when we were happily married, of course that reminds me of happy old days, and in a way, it immobilize me.

I wish I could just say "this is the better way for me" and be confident about my decision. Often I feel "wow, I am HAPPY again, and actually my life will probably be much better going forward without WH..." Then when my soon-to-be MIL said "your closing with WH...." comment DID make me sad. Also like I said, a few positive comments from WH make me feel nostalgic.

I guess what I think will make me feel very sad in the future is, probably not so much of losing WH or our original marriage anymore...., but the fact I will always remember H, the man I stayed for so many years with, in a special way (possibly in a very much skewed way too). I hope I will NOT compare any men I meet in the future to my STBX, but I KNOW I will. How can I not? And I know that's not fair to anyone. I will NOT say anything about that, but inside me, I will probably feel "xH would have done this or said that...". Guess STBX will always have some advantage in that regard.

Milk

I will try to take Chrisner's train of thought. My WH was in my life for quite a long time, and when he was in it, we were beautiful together. I will choose to remember this, when I'm far enough away from all of this, I will choose to look on our M with a kind eye. I will have learned many life lessons and will be happy. I know I will.

I believe that I will live a pseudo PLAN B with WH forever, as I do so love him, I will need the detachment for myself. I think, once I move on and find someone or something else to take up my interest and love, I will be able to relax a bit more.

could your H be seeing his way through the fog just a little?

Silent, yes that's true, I'm glad at least I have a 'sweet' memory that I can look back fondly. And indeed I have learned a lot. I have come a long way, and have detached myself from the drama for the most part now. It took me 3 years.

Now I am dating and it is wonderful. I do not want to get too serious yet, but it is nice to have someone who can be on the same page. Yes it is ironic that now STBX seems to be getting some of his old 'H' back to himself, but maybe because I don't depend on him emotionally anymore our relationship (as parents of DS) has improved too. I do feel that in the future I can maintain good relationships with STBX and his family, after our D, and can even count on them if I need any help for DS4. I am pretty sure they will give that to me without hesitation, and I will help them too whenever I can with their kids and dogs, etc. It will be strange, but maybe in the future STBX and I may get together with our own new spouses, who knows. Or, of course it is possible that STBX and I end up getting back together, but I try not to think about that too much.

Eav, I don't know what is in WH's mind. It's possible, and his attitude certainly supports this theory, but like I said, I feel, at least at this point, that we NEED to get over with our divorce. It's been going on way too long, and that's just not healthy for any of us. It's like a kid whose last piece of candy gets taken away - unless that really happens, he doesn't understand how it feels like it. And we, both STBX and I, may feel 'fine' after our divorce. We may feel that that was in the end better. I really don't know. Of course it would be great if we can create a wonderful marriage again together, but can we really? I forgave him and I think he forgave me too but I cannot 'forget'. He cannot forget. And we both have not-so-optimal anger management skills. Maybe this combination is not promising...

Life is whole a lot stranger and unpredictable than I though for sure....

Milk

OK, off the subject but I have a serious question to all female members here. Do you get sever mood swings before you get your period?

Before the whole D thing happened, I of course was aware of my PMS symptoms including mood swings, specifically irritability. But over the past three years, my emotions were everywhere regardless of the cycle of the month.

Now things seem calmer and normal, I just realized that I've been very irritable lately...., and boom, realized that I was PMSing. Do you get sort of depressed too? Is there any way to control the mood swings?

Milk

Milk,

DEFINITELY!!! I have severe mood swings, especially become a bit more depressed for about 3 days prior to the onset of my period.

I've posted this before, myself. I don't really know of anything for the mood swing; I haven't been able to find anything. Sometimes, deverting your attention to something pleasant can be helpful, but it doesn't last. Sometimes I just tell myself to ride the storm out.

So I'm not the only one...GOOD. But I really hate to go through this cycle each month...., as the bad cycle (bad mood) lasts for several days!! Geez...

Oh yes, definitely!! Wait till you hit the menopause. I was launched into it in a major way when I discovered my FWH's EA - even worse when I discovered it was a PA. Not fun.

oh....., I would have never imagined that, but geez, I can see how painful and crazy it must have felt to deal with your FWH while you were dealing with your own internal changes......

I told my guy friend "see, you guys are lucky that you don't have to go through this", and got this in reply "no, I think you women are lucky". I laughed. Guys should have great understanding that we can get a bit evil and edgy every month....., could that be one of the keys to maintaining a successful relationship?

Milk

Well, I think my mood swings were a combination of the A and the peri-menopause to start with. Now I think they are more meno related. I found a terrific menopause support website which made me realise that I wasn't alone and that all my symptoms were normal. It's getting better now.

Can't believe I was feeling that irritated last week. By Friday evening, I felt GREAT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It was a gorgeous weekend and DS4 and I spent a lot of time outside playing.

I haven't posted in a while - nothing much to update. I haven't heard anything back from my lawyer regarding our agreement (I have made the second around corrections/changes and send it back to him about 3 weeks ago), and sent him a follow-up email yesterday. A part of me does not want to finalize it, obviously, but at the same time a part of me does not want to stay in this limbo stage.