GREAT..MISSION ACCOMPLISED..ON LETTING HIM KNOW THAT HE CAN DO IT!!

I'm losing track here...so are you agreeing with Owl that it's too long??

If so...what do I take out? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Also, regarding that one paragraph you noted that I should delete, then you say mission accomplished...so are you saying leave in the earlier one, or still take it out?

sorry...trying to follow...

(((SIS)))

What's your plan to avoid contact when he drops the kids off at the house? Will you have someone else there? Don't count on him not trying to come in and see you. It looks like WS's do everything they can to break BS's Plan B's, so I imagine him coming up with every excuse in the world that he "HAS" to talk to you, "HAS" to come in, when he drops the boys off. You don't want him to get that "home" fix if you're in Plan B.

Keep your chin up. You're going to be ok!!

-AmI.

And I would leave this out, too..

Otherwise, it seems fine...

Specifically say that he has to AGREE to NC with Amy FOR LIFE...

AmI: So should I include that when I talk about the kid arrangments, i.e.; "When you drop off or pick up the boys, please do not come in to the house or attempt to speak to me."

The "last letter" was a Marsh suggestion, I think. Eav's had something similar. ??? But it's not critical.

Revised paragraph:
Out of respect for my position, please do not call, send e-mails, or leave messages unless you will agree to forever cut off all contact with Amy and have decided that you want to work on building a new relationship with me.

edited to fix already...

I would delete all of this.

Begin with the I LOVE YOU PARAGRAPH...

and then change the first line of the "I am so sorry paragragh to read: "I am so sorry for showing you such ugliness and anger on Saturday as well as so many times in the past"..change is from "that Saturday" to "on Saturday"...

FOREVER is fine.. but I would make it even more explicit...FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...

I don't know that it has to go in the letter, I just wanted you to think about it and have a plan in place. This seems like a weak point in the plan. (I'll leave the letter writing to the experts, mine was a flop. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )

-AmI.

Revision 2:

Out of respect for my position, please do not call, send e-mails, or leave messages unless you agree to forever—for life—cut off all contact with Amy and you decide that you want to work on building a new relationship with me.

Agree absolutely with Mimi that you're writing to your WH, not your H.

Your words made me cry, but the emotion neurons for LilSis-compassion are all closed down in him right now.

The one thing that must hit him between the eyes is: LilSis is moving on, no more LilSis.

And, honey, the hard truth is that you may feel indifference to him by the day you die...if he doesn't get his head out of his underwear before you move on without him. You may love the memory of your H, but not the ugly person he became.

Stay strong. (I know you will.)

TA

LilSis,

I noticed the first sentence or two of each paragraph basically makes your points, the rest expand or detail them. If you want to shorten it, and it may have more impact, you may want to consider just using those.

mimi...I did move the ILY paragraph to the beginning. Once we get all the tweaking done I will post the whole thing back.

AmI: I did add the sentence I ran past you. I think it is helpful to be very clear about that in the letter...for ME as well...it gives ME a standard that I need to live up to...

Picture me thinking: Ican't cave in because I wrote it in that darn letter and now I have to stick to it!

KWIM?

TA: I'm not sure I WILL stay strong, which is why I need to commit to this NOW. I won't be able to restrain myself from LBing if I have to keep crossing paths with him.

Once I commit to Plan B, I HAVE to stick with it...and I know that you all here will help me with that and hold my feet to the fire if I start to waver (no Plan B SF for me...mimi, tsk, tsk.)

Everyone:
You are saying that I'm writing this to WH, but what does that mean in terms of changes to the letter?

Should I post the latest version again? With the suggested changes thus far? Would that help?

In terms of size: Right now, it is about a page and a quarter, single spaced, one inch margins in 11-pt type.

I think I'm liking it the way it is now...I'll re-post. There are some italicized things that get lost in the copy/paste...but you get the idea.

Tell him what you want, not what you don't want. "Please text DS11 when you arrive; the boys will come out to your car. When you return the boys, please leave them at the gate."

WH,

I loved you on the first day I met you. I loved you when I married you. I loved you when you worked a horrific schedule to be home with Nick, when you held me after my dad’s first surgery, when I proudly stood beside you when you were named Officer of the Year, when visited the farm and the cemetery every Memorial Day, when we worried together over Jake’s bowel problems, when you gave the toast at my parent’s last anniversary together. I loved you when we marveled at the dappled light on the Pierce Stocking, when we would listen for the first red-winged blackbird in the spring and the first cicada in the summer, when we would document the growth of our maple tree in the fall, and when we would watch Orion’s Belt move across the winter sky. I loved you when we went camping at Brimley, when we drove on countless back roads just to explore, when we collected rocks at Point Betsie, when we found petoskeys at Torch Lake, when we had “great days at the lake,” when we spent those incredible days in Pentwater, and when we went to Ludington.

I love you still.

I am so sorry for showing you such ugliness and anger a couple of weeks ago and so many times in the past. My frustration at my sheer helplessness only resulted in driving you further away. I know intellectually that only you can save you, but my heart wants so badly to keep you from losing yourself, losing me, losing the boys. I believe in you, in who you are, in the heart and soul of man that I married. I will never believe that man is gone forever. Goodness always prevails.

I am also deeply sorry for my part in creating an environment in our marriage that helped make this situation possible. I wish that I could go back in time and give you all that you needed to be happy: my undivided attention, my affection, my self—with no holding back. I wish I had made “us” my top priority. I hope that one day you will forgive me for the mistakes that I made and give us the opportunity to create a new marriage.

I have changed. I am no longer the same person I was; that would be an impossibility. But the changes I have made have been for the good: an understanding of who I am, of how deeply I love you, of how much I need to make a place for God in my life, and of what it takes to make a marriage work. Over the past couple of months I have attempted to show you these changes. I want to share those changes with you for one reason: because you are the most important person in my life. I wish I had done a better job of showing that truth to you before all of this happened.

I believe with all my heart that together we can overcome all of this and begin a new and better life, one in which each of us are happy and deeply fulfilled. I want this more than anything.

But my emotions over the past couple of weeks have made it clear to me that I need to protect myself from the pain created by this situation. Watching you lose yourself and seeing you with someone else is simply agonizing. I can no longer endure it; it is tearing me apart. If one day you decide to give our marriage a chance, I need my love for you to be as strong as it is today. And I need to be as strong as I am today. So until the situation changes, the only way I can hold on to my love and personal strength is to end all contact with you.

This is not what I want.

What I want, more than anything, is you in my life—all of you—and all to myself. I am married to you. I promised my life to you—you and you alone. I cannot and will not share you. I cannot and will never be your “friend.” I can only be your wife, in every sense of the word, in the way that I promised to you and to God. That is the only type of relationship that I can accept.

Out of respect for my position, please do not call, send e-mails, or leave messages unless you agree to forever—for life—cut off all contact with Amy and you decide that you want to work on building a new relationship with me.

If you need to reach me, you may communicate through Lisa. Her cell phone number is xxx-xxxx and home number is xxx-xxxx. Her email is xxxx. She will get a message to me. In terms of the boys, I will assume that you will pick them up from school on “your” Fridays and drop them off around 6:00 on Sundays. During the week, we can continue with the same arrangements we have had for alternating Tuesdays and Wednesdays, with you picking them up from school and bringing them home around 8:00. When drop off or pick up the boys, please do not come into the house or attempt to speak to me.

If you decide that you want to work on building a new marriage with me, I promise you that I will leave the past behind us. I will ask only that you do the same. It will take hard, hard work on both our parts, but it can be done, and it will be worth it. I hope with all my heart that one day you will decide to allow us to make a new and better beginning, together.

Please come home. You know the way.

(((LilSis)))

You will be in my thoughts.

No biggie..but seems like handwritten would be best...

LS, what everyone means is that the WH will read this as bzzz...bzzz...bzzz...no more access to LilSis....bzzz....bzzz.

You don't want him to miss the important bit by him skimming over the bzzzz's.

Also, there's a good chance the WH will share this with RT, so it's unlikely to get a tender reading anyway.

TA

I see your point about saying what I want vs. don't want...but help me figure out a way to accomplish this without putting either of the boys in the middle...?? I do not want them to feel that they have to walk that tightrope. He rarely comes to pick them up at the house, anyway. Usually he picks them up at school.