This is from the book Hope for The Separated by Gary Chapman:

Your prayer must not be:"Lord, if it is Your will, bring him/her back." We already know it is God's will for marriages to be restored, though God respects human freedom. For what should you pray, then?

Jesus said about the Holy Spirit, "And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment" (John 16:8). I believe that you should pray for the specific work of the Holy Spirit in the life of your spouse. You should pray that God will effect a deep sense of guilt for his or her sin; that He will impart a genuine awareness of what it means to be righteous (right); and an understanding of the reality of judgment to come upon those who do not repent. Such praying is in keeping with what we know to be the work of the Holy Spirit. God will answer that prayer.

How will your spouse respond? Your spouse may choose to respond to the work of the Holy Spirit and turn from sin. On the other hand, he or she may reject all of God's pressure and walk his own way. You must give your mate the same liberty God gives.

Some people blame God for allowing their marriages to break up. Do not feel that God has not answered your prayer if your spouse refuses to return. Individuals choose to get married, choose their behavior patterns toward each other, and choose to separate or to resolve problems. If God did not allow such freedom He would have to reduce man to something less than man. he would have to remove the imprint of God's image in man.

Do not give up. it takes time for individuals to respond to God's leading. Continue to pray for your spouse until God's will is perfected in his or her life.

Eph and Kayla:

Your words are so helpful; you have no idea. I have attempted to boil down what you and others (esp. Pep) have stated. For myself, I need a simple, concise way of perceiving...or perhaps living?...with this.

As the pastor said on Sunday, I need signposts to guide me out of this forest and onto the road.

Here is my boiled down version; see if it fits:

Do not get in the way of God's plan. Do not step in to protect others from God's displeasure; in fact, we should distance ourselves from this process.

Sometimes our actions on behalf of others inhibit their ability to have direct contact with God. We are not more powerful than God, and we should not presume to be His conduit.

We must trust absolutely that God loves us and that no matter how far we stray to escape God's influence, it is still there reaching for us like a shepherd seeks his lost sheep.

And to Eph...this is my very simple prayer for me AND for WH: for WH to be open to God's WILL, and for me to be open to God's PLAN.

BTW: I have to ask.

Does everyone go through this kind of confusion as they navigate their way through this experience?

Or am I just particularly dense, or more prone than others to unload my deepest fears and questions here on these boards?

I JUST THIS MOMENT SAW A ROBIN! The first of this season of renewal...

One more thing and then I must go.

God is still guiding me, even this morning, with your words and with this...

I googled the verse Romans 8:28. Among the results on the first page, about four results down, was one from the Chrisitan Reformed Church. A sermon, based on Romans 8:28, was the link. It is a lovely sermon about how God's plan can be so elusive, but encourages us to trust it anyway.

You must understand why this is significant to me. The CRC is a very small denomination, only about 300,000 members in the US and Canada. It is based here in GR. WH and his entire family went to the college that is under the wing of the CRC. I have been attending a CRC church with BIL/SIL, even though I am Catholic.

God is still answering my prayer. He really wants me to get this, to trust Him, to be reassured. To find peace.

LilSis ~ you felt abandoned and alone and hopeless and asked God for help.

I think God's message was as simple. God doesn't do things like deliver His game strategy, no matter how much you think you need it. His message was saying: I am with you, you are not alone, you are loved.

You said you had problems with trust and faith. God sent you what you needed - not what you wanted.

My sponser used to tell me that God had a much bigger imagination than I did. She was right.

LilSis- yes definitely, that was a direct answer. He never ceases to amaze me. Also if you look at Romans 8:26, it tells you that even when you're at loss about how to pray or what to pray, that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf. God heard your heart.

I can remember clearly the turning point for me. It was around 2:00 a.m. and I was driving around town trying to find my WH. I was crying and calling out to God. Then, it was as if a peace overwhelmed me and said, "Let him go." This was further confirmed when I went to church shortly after that and a lady I didn't even know asked if she could pray for me. She did and then she said, I feel like God is saying to you to "Let him go." She said I don't know who "Him" is but I hope that speaks to you. Boy, I was floored. My instinct was to say "No! You heard wrong!"

I did end up letting him go and I was prepared to go on without him. But it was getting to that point where I gave it up to God-- no matter the outcome-- that changed the course of everything.

nanny nanny boo boo

I TOLD you so ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

this clown of a man who used to be your husband is making EVERYONE who is of value cringe .... NOT JUST YOU

only [color:"brown"]TURDS[/color] think this clown-man-bozo is really a happy human

he is obviously miserable

do not doubt this
he is waaaaaaaaaaay more miserable than you ... your own your misery, he tucks his away and will not even look at it ... and until he does OWN his misery ~~~> God will pile more on ... it is going to get ugly (for him)

believe me
I know
I do

his image is tarnished, he knows that
he has an ever-shrinking circle of people who want to spend time with him

or think he is a good quality man !!!!!!!!!!!!! (remember, his BIG old need is ADMIRATION)

next it will be the boys who blow him off ... I just want to prepare you .... do not stand in the way of that reality .... his SONS love him, but notice he is not a shining hero-type any longer .... this is the price of sin

stand away
stand tall
breathe in pure air of your own integrity

Pep

PS ... have some damn fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yep..have some FUN...

I SOOOO AGREE WITH PEP about your HUSBAND...

I'm on my way to meet a now HAPPY MAN who was in those VERY PITS OF HE// that Pep describes..that your WH will have to go to... in order to find his way out of TURDSVILLE...

I pray that God will speak to my WH, but what if WH doesn't really believe in God?

He never goes to church, doesn't pray. How does that work then?

LilSis,

I truly believe God speaks to us in many different ways. I also believe we are often too preoccupied to hear or too skeptical to trust it is happening.

I use to feel like I was in a tug-of-war, fighting God for control. Then I had a dream. In my dream I was just the rag tied in the middle of the tug-of-war rope with God on one side and evil on the other. I was not pulling against God, but neither was I working with Him. It was then that I decided to “put on the full armor of God” and throw myself on His side.

You have been in a dark and dangerous place. Now you are coming out into the light. Just as springtime is beginning to awaken the world around you, and the Easter season is upon us celebrating rebirth, you are experiencing the same.

I love the suggestions about contacting your mentor and the church lady. How about baking Uncle P and his large clan some of your famous cookies? Maybe package some separately for him to take to work as indirect thanks from you for your hidden support there while your WH is away? I’m sure there are many other positive things you can do to continue to move toward the light.

Here is another neat place to go for daily inspiration - http://www.sacredspace.ie

As always, prayers for you and your family,
SHOL

Sis..Meggy...

You are speaking of A PERSONAL TOUCH FROM JESUS..I've been in your shoes and experienced that many a times during this..Oh, sooo many MIRACLES I could speak about...

Oh my Meggy, I, too, have DRIVEN AROUND LOOKING FOR MY HUSBAND..and the Lord led me to that MOTEL..there is no other way that I can explain it..out of all the places that I could have gone that night..and HIS CAR and HER CAR it seems were the only ones there in the parking lot..and AMAZINGLY, I asked the desk person what his ROOM NO. was and she TOLD ME without flinching...I RAN TO THE ROOM...SO INCREDIBLE....

GOD IS GREAT AND GOD IS GOOD....

meggy: I appreciate that story. It is very reassuring to know that others have had this same experience. Sometimes I wonder if I really am nutty. Sometimes the world just seems so off kilter...when something so sure as your marriage and the goodness of your husband goes completely awry, I guess it's hard to trust anything anymore.

Who was it that said it's like flying on instruments instead of visual flight rules because visual can be so deceptive?

Am I really feeling what I am feeling? What AM I feeling? What's right and what's wrong? Who can I trust? Nothing is sure anymore.

NOW I feel peace...I believe...in God, in me, in my ability to be HAPPY. It is inherent in me, it cannot be supressed forever. Things will work for the good, whatever that might be. It's exciting, acutally, to consider what life might hold in store, what surprises await me.

Pep and mimi: Now that I've reached this "place," I KNOW that I will have FUN FUN FUN this weekend with the girls. I have had a great morning, actually...volunteering at school, jamming to the radio in the car...feeling not only peace, but elation! Can you BELIEVE it??

please please please please let me hold on to this feeling!

Check out the GODDESS THEME SONG FOR TODAY...

I can hear you SINGING IT...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

SHOL: I love your idea about cookies for P and J and the kids. WONDERFUL. I was intending to write them a note thanking P for calling and "extending the olive branch," thanking them for their prayers and wishing them well.

I have to give some careful thought about what to say the church lady...but I will reach out. It is something I need to do for me, to reclaim (for myself) my identity apart from that of a "criminal." If you know what I mean....

1/2

Super wonderful news about the prayer lift!

Wh really is under & alone.

We don't have that power. Hard to step aside.

Wh is sort of in an anemic state. Will is weak.Oblivious.

Our shoulders r not that big nor our hemi-spheres.

Only God has the power. We can do only so much.

1/2

Break.

Fun.

Have you been to the Mall? I wonder what this spring's shoe fashion selection lines are like in your area ???

Do give us an update.

There could be a sale happin??? 2 for 1... Wooo, hooo!

Your doing grrreaaat! Look how far you have come!!!

I know this is exasperating. Time to Re-cuperate.

The mall for a peek a boo... time to put your foot down.

Nothin like new shoes... to feel better.

Sis, would you consider yourself a "criminal" if you attacked someone who broke into your home and tried to take away your family?

Well, that's what the stupid wh*re did, and as far as I am concerned you had every right to defend your family from her.

Too bad she didn't end up in the hospital. It amazes me that YOU are the one charged when SHE is the intruder, the homebreaker and the robber and you were doing nothing more than trying to get the real criminal out of your life and protect your children from her.
Mulan

LS:

Is today a good weather day in MI?

The kind you can feel the warmth in the air, you roll down the windows, jam the radio and turn the car heaters onto your feet to make it great?

Miss those days here.....

But TURN IT UP!

Even if the outside weather is cold....

Yep. Light outs the dark WITHOUT FAIL.

This wasn’t the end of it though. At around 8:00 the next morning I received a phone call from the police department. It seems my WH was involved in serious one-car accident that morning around 6:30. His blood alcohol (at 6:30 a.m.) was 3x the legal limit. He apparently passed out, jumped a curb in a neighborhood, took down two brick mailboxes, hit a tree in someone’s front yard and ended up with the front end of his Trooper facing the sky. It was a miracle that no one other than him was hurt (kids walking to school, homeowners, etc).

Our divorce was to be final the next day. I dismissed it after he told me in the hospital that he would do “whatever it takes” to heal our marriage.

WH stayed in hospital for two weeks with a lacerated liver and eventually losing his pancreas. I took him home and nursed him back to health.

This is where I could have used MB if I had known about it. Maybe I’ll start my own thread and tell the whole story and some of the MB pros could kick in and say, “this is where you should have…” so that others might learn from my MAJOR mistakes.

He ended up leaving again anyway. It wasn’t until several months later (and after OW#2) that we truly reconciled.

So LilSis… keep on keeping on. Happiness is coming your way. Regardless of the outcome.

skylite: Does Bath and Body Works count? I went there today...$62 later...

Mulan: I AM a criminal...but you have no idea how much better I feel having spoken to P and know that he and others totally understand how it could have happened and do not judge me harshly for it. All this time I have felt as if I were being shunned by these people; that they were all believing everything WH would say about me.

I know that says more about how my self-image is tied to other people's opinions of me...Ugh. I am probably also unrealistic; assuming that everyone thinks ugly things about me because of what happend. I KNOW I am highly self-critical, so I am likely projecting that onto others.

Who cares! I feel better now. Whew.

LG: Not quite warm enough for windows down...38, but the sun is out (mostly), the crocus just opened today, and the boys are running around outside casting spells on one another, and the snow is almost totally melted.

Wow, meggy! Goodness. You do need to tell your story!

No wonder you don't want to hear that it can't be done. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />