by MIGHT WORK WELL, i meant........
they are going to be there either way.
LS can not totally avoid them.......can't totally do the Harley plan B when they will all be in the same auditorium, ya know?
for her to take YS8 and try to sit far away from WH and inlaws kinda looks weird to me.......kinda defeats (what i think of as) the pupose of plan B.
seems to make more sense that she deal w/ the inevitable "sighting" head on.....but avoid conversation and excuse herself early.

i am not trying to start a debate here, mimi.....just wondering what would truly work best for LS's situation.
she can't not go to the concert......and WH and IL's will see her.

this makes sense.
sounds like you know the routine and will work it all out so you don't feel vulnerable or hurt. that's all i cared about when i said might work well.

I just don't want you trying to make a point to stay FAR AWAY from them......chances are,they will catch a glimpse of you.
but, HEY...YOU own the place!
good attitude. don't loose it.

IL's might try to corner you.then you can excuse yourself politely. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I can't come late, as I have to bring DS. WH will be late, as he is coming directly from work.

....as an aside....

I don't think WH is missing me. I hate thinking this, but in my heart I think it is the truth that I don't want to admit.

WH has never, ever pursued me. Not once since d-day. Nothing. He's running as fast as he can...away from me, cutting every tie. He's committed to his Plan, just like I am committed to mine.

What's God's Plan, I wonder?

That said...I'm working my Plan, because I agree, mimi, that I will fare better this way, even though I feel like recovery is unlikely.

It is very, very, very important here for both WH *and* the in-laws to get the message that LilSis is NOT NOT NOT EVER going to be pals with any of them as long as WH has a mistress.

They all must absolutely understand that time is NOT going to heal this.

That time is NOT going to make one nano-ounce of difference.

If Sis gives even the slightest indication that she is coming around and learning to accept this situation -

That she is getting used to the idea of WH having a girlfriend -

That eventually she will not be angry about this anymore -

That in a year or two everyone will be "friends" -

Then she may as well just as WH to move his girlfriend into the house so they can all be "friends" together.

As long as the WS and his/her family think there is one ounce of hope that the BS will just learn to be okay with the OP and everybody will just relax and be "friends", they will all keep pushing to have that happen.

LilSis - and any BS - must NEVER, EVER, EVER give them that hope.

That's why she wouldn't dream of sitting near WS and the ILs at the concert and being "nice" to them.

Capice?
Mulan

THAT IS AN ASSUMPTION. Remember my post about NOT MAKING AN ASSUMPTION. You don't know what's REALLY GOING ON...

It is important to PRACTICE not PREJUDGING...


I was thinking I should have left off that part anyways about my H being in pursuit...everyone's different..AND I didn't want to BELIEVE he was pursuing me either..folks here warned me...




EXACTLY...Work YOUR PLAN..and get out of the way of GOD'S BUSINESS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I was in NO WAY suggesting that she be freindly or give them any sort of hope that she is accepting the situation.............the way i was seeing the situation was that it would be better if she presented heself poised and aloof than trying despreately to run and hide from them.......IF she HAS to be in the same audotorium anyway.

but,
seems like LS knows exactly how to deal w/ it.
so sorry i brought this subject up, LS.

Capice!

This is also part of the reason to enforce a quasi-NC with MIL. It is too painful to me, just as it is too painful to have a relationship with WH while he is engaging in adultery. It is a personal boundary. Sort of like the old "with friends like these I don't need enemies" thing.

I will not be "smoothed over" or made to come around. And if they all choose to see that as me being shrewish, or that I'm not looking out for the best interests of the boys, then I need to remind myself that that is their OPINION.

Any "shrewishness" on my part (by standing up for what is RIGHT, btw) does NOT equate with WH's adultery in terms of the boy's well being.

No worries, nia! It was actually helpful for me to think this through, and by raising it, you helped me learn something more about myself.

(not sure what, exactly, but I know I got something out of the discussion! maybe a reinforcement about what I thought Plan B should be, and what it has become for ME)

i hope something good came out of it.

i was picturing a much smaller auditorium....and a DS8 who was making eye contact w/ his dad and grandparents very innocently.....while you wisk him away..etc.....i am glad to hear it will not be too difficult to avoid them....but, mostly, i am glad to hear that you seem to have a handle on the fact that plan B is about you and protecting yourself and your feelings.

Sis, is there another parent who you are aquainted with that can take DS11 to the concert early ?

I like the idea of coming in at the last minute and sitting in a *safe* place...

If this would work out...

It fills up very quickly with about 500 people...I don't think I'd have a problem making myself scarce.

Sis, totally off topic, but if you have time, can you read Sadmo's thread and help her. She has done Plan A and is skipping straight to Plan D, and she has kids with WH (otherwise, I might agree). Maybe you would have some insight. I feel like Mimi, trying to talk sense to her, but she can't hear just MY voice. It's worth a try.

I know you weren't, nia, but the trouble is that WH and his family would just love to grab onto any shred of hope that she's learning to accept things so she's got to very careful to avoid anything that would let them think that could happen - as do all BS.

You are a reasonable and civilized person, of course, but WS by definiton are not. That's why they get Plan B'd.
Mulan

LilSis:

Scarce?

I sort of picture you like Glenn Close in "The Natural" at the end. Halo around your head and watching your son during the concert.

You won't be seeing much of MIL. Because of Deranged Dumbo. Pick ups and drop offs. Ain't gonna be no high tea at the IL's w/LS anytime soon.

Get your Mom to go. Provides a security blanket for you. WH will have his, and you can have yours.

The IL's will arrive later, and may come over to where you are, cuz you were there first. Expecting to save space for WH.

So avoiding WH is easy. Avoiding IL's will be more difficult. And that's the direction that the conflict will come from, if any.

But, forwarned is forearmed. The events that day will be what they will be.

LS will be seen by WH/IL's. Unavoidable. But on your terms. At the distance that you determine. If they wish to CLOSE that distance, then, that is another issue and you think pretty fast on your feet.

Breaking Plan B? Your not. They are trying to. You just keep working the plan and side-stepping them.

This is life for WH during Plan B. And if Plan D occurs, this is exactly what the future holds.

I still think that WH will make a serious attempt to break Plan B soon.

The phone calls/going around intermediary indicate that. The pressure of IL's being here, may create more. JMHO.

Glad to hear that you are Kick Butt at the office.

Keep smiling.

And avoid the elephant dung piles...

LG

BTW, that was a great analogy about the Elephant in the Room being cute lil' Dumbo for the WS & family but a deranged destructive rogue pachyderm for the BS & family.

I do plan to steal that one to use for future struggling BSs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Mulan

I know this issue has been hashed and rehashed today

But thought I'd throw in a quickie

Some BS's in Plan B have obtained permission to watch a concert or performance from stage left or right and then escape out the back after the show never revealling their presence and not giving the WS even the opportunity to look at them.

If DS8 were to go with IL's and sit with WS...you'd be free to be there early with son, support him from backstage, see the concert and leave.

WH gets nothing. Not even the opportunity to complain about your seeming gamesmanship...that is until DS tells him you were actually there.

BTW, your WH hasn't demonstrated concern over your Plan B because he is a cop and refuses to acknowledge or let on to anybody that he's not in control. It's a power game to him that he wants everyone else to believe he is winning. His pride won't allow him to demonstrate any effect...but trusting Harley, I think it is. If you were backstage watching...I can bet...you'd see his head spinning for find you whereas if you were there to be seen he'd look once, get his fix and then TRY to ignore you thereafter...intentionally.

Mr. Wondering

It's got nothing to do with his profession... he is just being a bit of a jerkk. I know a lot of cops that freely express their feelings...starting with me.

MEDC

He isn't doing these things because of his profession.... it is because he is a WS. They are all stupid and cruel this way.

JMHO,
L.

NO, you're both wrong.

ALL COPS ARE THE SAME.

Mr. W

just kiddin', I was certainly generalizing. Many of the cops (not all) I've personally known certainly like the power and control that comes with their jobs...to a certain extent..they seemed to get off on it.

Same goes for any profession or position with a degree of power.

It does include lawyers, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.