I'm having a bad night. I feel like such a loser. Why can't I have a wife that stayed faithful? Why did these three guys choose to go after my wife? Why did she allow herself to stoop down to the level of these scumbags.
Why doesn't being married mean anything to some people? All three of these idiots KNEW she was married with children. Why was I cast aside like a piece of garbage.
I am so sick of being such a loser and having terrible things happen to me. I so envy faithful husbands and wives. Sorry I am being pitiful and feeling sorry for myself tonight. Thanks for listening.
Rock <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Rock,

There is hope. You're not a loser but the enemy knows that if he can convince you that you are, he wins.

Please keep going towards hope....it is out there...you're not alone.

Ace

First, STOP IT! SWACK! This is the endurance race of a lifetime. I do not know your story, but we all have felt like this.

Why did all of the above happen? Not because you are a loser, or unworthy of happiness. It is HER. HER HER HER HER HER HER HER HER HER HER HER HER....

Marriage means a lot to MANY people, heck, WE'RE all over these boards! Look at all of the people here working to better themselves, become self-aware, learn to love themselves and become stronger, learn to communicate and be open and honest. Learn to drop the LB's and DJ's. We're all here, valuing M.

Those OM are big ole POS!

You are not like garbage in any way, shape or form. You are DEEPLY wounded. These feelings that you have will be remedied with a rebuild in self-esteem and courage in the face of fear. I understand the envy.

Rock, I'm returning to Plan B for the SECOND time. This journey is tough, and with everyday will come more challenges, HOWEVER, with everyday comes the chance to renew, to learn and to grow. It's not what anyone wants to hear, but it's the truth.

What's going on that you are having such a bad day?

rock - as a FWW, reading your post brought tears to my eyes. This must be how my H feels at times ... I don't remember your story, but I hope and pray that your wife sees this post and does something to comfort you. If not, at least you have MB on your team, cheering you on through this difficult journey.

BTW, ((((((((ROCK))))))))

I thought you could use that after my post...

Thanks guys. I have always had a low self esteem as it was. Then this. I feel so blind sided. I'm sorry to cry when I know that most people here are in much worse situations. I wonder if she even knows how much she has hurt me. I have had a child die. A child die!! And this hurts worse! I feel so bad for saying that.
I would have taken being hit by a bus than to go through this.
I don't know why I am down today. I guess just a dip in the roller coaster.
Thanks for your support.

Thank you time_for_change. It's nice to hear from a FWW. I wish I could tell you my whole story but it's kinda long.

Rock, most people here are in the SAME situation as you. We are here to care and support you, especially in these dark hours.

When my mother died, I thought the pain was the worst. I didn't know then, that when a M dies, it's much worse, because there is no finality to it, not even upon D. Even in recovery, the M that you had is lost. The innocence of NOT KNOWING is lost. The reminders of the betrayal lay within you forever, and you must learn to live with them, to rise above them, and to learn from them. This is no place for sissies, so don't look down upon yourself. It takes sheer will and strength to perservere another day. You have tremendous strength. Keep learning, better yourself, FOR YOURSELF.

I'm so sorry to hear about he death of your child, my condolensces to you.

Giving a synopsis of events can be helpful to those of us who do not know your story. Keep posting and filling us in.

I think I've been pretty strong. It's just a down night for me. My story as brief as I can keep it: I met my wife in high school, went steady for seven years and got married. After 5 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, I had an A. I deeply regret it. Fast forward twelve years and my wife had 3 in the span in about a year. An EA with a coworker, a EA with a guy in a gym that we joined, then a PA with a aquantice at work. That's my story in a very little nutshell.
I never thought that she had it in her to do this with me. Or why, in her own words, she was "looking for an affair.

I envy your husband because you are here and trying to help your marriage. It's actually comforting to see WS here working on their M. It's encouraging.

I keep trying to sort things out. I still love her. Divorcing her isn't going to take any of the pain away. We have 2 beautiful daughters who I do not want to hurt. My wife seems to want to stay together.
So that leaves it all up to me to just "deal" with all this crap.
So that is what I will do.

Hang on, Rock! SL is right, this is an endurance race, a marathon.

Be a rock for your WW. Vent her like you are doing.

I am sorry for the loss of your child. I cannot image what that must be like and then to have this also in your life.

Praying for you.....

I'm sorry I brought up my son. He was born with a heart defect and only lived 5 days. This was about 10 years ago. My wife has a very hard time dealing with that loss. I just brought it up to compare the pain that I feel between his death and my wife's affairs.
Maybe it was disrespectful to even bring it up and compare.

and thank you for the prayer.

(((Rock)))

Sorry you are having a rough night. They do come and go... times like this that only thing I can think of is to give you a big (((hug)))

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Still

No, it was not disrespectful to bring it up. It was painful for you, probably your barometer for pain until the A. Don't disrespect yourself by minimizing it.

I thought cutting off my parents from our lives was one of the most painful things I have been through - but it also pales in comparison to this experience.

I am struggling a little tonight as well - just burst into tears earlier for no apparent reason. I understand how real this pain is.

Need some more words of wisdom? Check out these "Coleisms," great quotes from Ed Cole on men - http://www.edcolelibrary.com/coleism/view_all

Also, maybe some of these songs in my song thread will lift you up in this dark time - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

Sorry you are having a rough night too. As far as crying goes, I can cry now at the drop of a hat. I guess I really was Mr. Rock, but now my emotions are so hard to keep inside of me. Heck, I even get teary eyed at certain TV shows, movies or songs.

I keep thinking of these POS OM. Gee they sure were some respectable guys. Real men of character they were. What possibly could a loser who would go after a married woman with two children have that would make them so desireable? What a catch they must be. WHy give yourself to someone who just wants to get in your pants? How could she think so lowly of herself?

Rock,
Did i read correctly? Did you say you had an A on your wife?
If so, then that, my dear, is your reason. You may have gotten over it, but it looks like your W has been carrying a low self esteem and alot of hurt from it.
I know, i'm a BS, and i feel like i'm worthless now, i feel like i could run away with anyone who paid me special attention. In my weak moments i daydream of someone rescuing me from my M. I love my H but this pain is unbearable. I don't know how to heal, he doesn't know how to help me. Nothing is enough to make this better. I'm a mess inside. I'm lonely, i'm broken, i'm vulnerable.

Sigh, here we go. Yes I am a FWH. It happened 12 years ago and I was very remorseful. I had NC with OW, it was exposed, we went to MC and I did everything I could to help her. If anything, I think that she got over it better than I did. Even in my most recent IC, I have been told that I have to forgive myself because it is obvious that I am racked with guilt. She even told me that this was not a revenge affair and that she should have known better because all we had been through.
So I hope that you are not one of those types that chased me off of other boards telling me that "I got what I deserved, blah, blah, blah,".
I'm sorry if I seem a little harsh. It's just a sensitive subject to me. I didn't have to tell anyone here that I am a FWH. I feel that I have served my time. I was man enough to stand up and throw myself to the mercy of my wife, stand beside her and do everything in my power to make things up to her.
If you were to read some of my other posts you would see that a lot of people here have thought that I have been to easy on her. This is because I know what it's like to be a WS and I do have a little sympathy for her being in her situation.
I hope the best for you and I hope that you never do run off with anyone who pays attention to you. It isn't worth it. Sorry if I came across the wrong way. It's been a rough night and I'm tired.
Rock