Just received this from my friend, who's male. He sends them most days. If you need any more, I have pages of them in my email box!!

Fall Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1:
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays - Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2:
The Toilet Paper Roll - Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3:
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4:
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor - Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks

Class 5:
Dinner Dishes - Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6:
Loss Of Identity - Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7:
Learning How To Find Things - Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours

Class 8:
Health Watch - Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9:
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost - Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10:
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11:
Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 12:
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13:
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights, Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14:
The Stove/Oven - What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

Good one DH59!
I was kinda down tonight.

I think I'm gonna sign up for class #3, maybe #10 too!

Rock, sorry to hear that you are feeling down. I was sometimes a bit that way after being cheerful the previous day, as if making up for being cheerful when I think I shouldn't be, albeit subconsciously. I altered my thinking on that one, forcing myself to think of those happy times we've created since d-day, instead of all the stuff that caused the misery. Anyway, here's another funny.

These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department......(This is British – referring to the Council Housing occupants who pay rent to the local council, who in turn are responsible for property maintenance)

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

11. 50% of the wall are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just plain filthy.

12. I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.

13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

14. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat [apartment] and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Sometimes I get confused about what I AM feeling and how I SHOULD be feeling. I don't know. It's confusing.
I'm sure that makes no sense whatsoever.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I think I was a little confused when I made that last post! It was pretty much what you've said in your reply - but is it confusion, or is it some inbuilt (subconscious) notion that you SHOULD be feeling a certain way because of what has happened to you? Therefore you hold yourself back from happiness, enjoyment, satisfaction, or whatever because you shouldn't be feeling those emotions at all under the circumstances? I know that's just about how I felt, but I was unable to lift myself out of that feeling, until I made a conscious decision to do so. How do you feel you SHOULD be feeling?

I reached the decision that I wanted to stay with my H and so I really needed to do something to make him want to stay with me, rather than me moping around being miserable. I still have my down days, but this is now more to do with my fluctuating hormonal situation (menopause!!), which I suppose compounded my depression about the A as well. In fact, it was the shock of discovering the EA that plunged me into the menopause, I feel.

I am taking some natural mood enhancers, which do help, as I didn't want to take prescription meds. If you are not taking any ADs at the moment, it might be an idea to see about getting something to help you get a clearer head. The ones I had from my doctor were OK, but gave me side-effects similar to the menopausal symptoms I'd just managed to alleviate!! So I stopped them and went the natural route. Just a thought you might like to consider.

It's strange. I always thought that I had control over my feelings. I had everything in check, so to speak, but since this nuclear bomb blew up in my lap the emotions are just flying around. I feel like I'm in a big snow globe that someone just shook up. Lol.
I think in a way I am still in some state of shock about everything. I battle with terrible thoughts where I am trying to fill in blanks about things I don't know about.
I know that I have to get a handle on things. I know I'm not helping things by just moping around a lot of the time.
Day by day I guess.

RB,

How did your meat-loafs turn out? Did you try any new recipes?

Maybe you might need to play some of your favorite CD's/meatloaf tunes.

It's OK....it's allowed! DH 59~ Those were hilarious laughs!!!

Re-Posting the lyrics to your orginal favorite songs...


Here's a great one for FWS like me. It's by Hoobastank, it's called "The Reason". It's awesome.

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

Thanks sky! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

RB~~Veeeeeri Welcome! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So r u telling me " a no go" with the meatloaf? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Random Joke...

Things to ponder??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.


No one is listening until you make a mistake.(Aint' that the truth!)


If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?


If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No I didn't try the recipes. Someday. I'm not much of a cook.

RB--1 more 4 ya. A chuckle...laughin at ourselves... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.


"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"


"Sadness," said the student.


And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.


"Elation," said she.


"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"


The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

Rock, it might be an idea to look into some anti-depressants, if you haven't already. You can get some that don't make you all fuzzy-brained. It might just help you to straighten out your thoughts. As I said, the prescription ones I had gave me some unwelcome side-effects, but had I not been in meno as well, I may have continued with them, as they did help. They're called Sertraline (Zoloft in US), and they are in the group known as SSRIs. At the moment, I'm taking Seratone 5-HTP, which has a similar effect, but does not have all the side effects of the prescription meds. Some do have an effect on libido, though, in that it is reduced, so be very careful. I think Wellbutrin is one that doesn't have this effect, in fact it supposedly increases libido.

Thanks DH. I was actually prescribed some generic xanax for my anxiety attacks I was having, but I never took them. I think I heard too many bad things about addiction and stuff. I'm not a big pill taker. Even when I'm sick I usually tend to just "ride it out" so to speak. It drives my wife nuts.
Just "riding this out" seems to be a lot tougher. Thanks for the advice though.

Rock, I don't think you have anxiety, I think it's depression. Xanax is a hypnotic and a sedative type of drug, and you need something that will not depress your system. The SSRIs do not act in this way. I felt more able to cope in the short time I took the prescription Sertraline, but the 5-HTP is just as good, but without the side-effects. That's not to say you would get those same side-effects if you took the same ADs, but there are others to choose from. You will not get addicted. You may only need them for a short while.

I'm not a big pill taker, either, usually, and I more often go down the natural remedy route, but have agreed to try HRT for a short time. I am now glad I am taking it.

RB,

Ok, cooking recipes just may be not your thing right now. Maybe next wk. We'll try it again.

Thinking about you...Maybe sum inspiration...Have a great day...


Rocky 111 Training Montage

Rock, hope you're OK. Here's something else to keep you amused.


Not a lot of people know that!!

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Hearts – Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. – All invented by women.
18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. – Honey.
19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
20. A snail can sleep for three years.
21. All polar bears are left handed.
22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
35. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
36. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

Thanks guys.

Post deleted by rockbottom06

Rock, I've just re-read this thread from the beginning, and I think you should, too. This rollercoaster is what every other BS on here has experienced, and it does get better - keep that thought uppermost.

One or two things stand out to me, as they are things I've also had to deal with. They may or may not resonate with how you think:
1) You seem to impart a certain importance to your W's emotions about the OM, and their sexual prowess, and your visualisations of the SF that occurred.
2) That you want your W to come to you full of remorse and genuine apologies, and for her to think badly of the OM.

These things have taken a back seat in my mind, as it was self-defeating to keep beating myself up with these thoughts. I know the SF happened - I haven't wanted to go into detail of how, etc, as some on MB have. At first I thought that our recovery should be going the same way as everyone else's - then realised it wasn't going to do that, so accepted the way it has gone. I have some understanding of how H reached the point of wanting some closeness from a woman, as I had not given him that for some time. All I can do is make our own SF as good as it can be for us both. I know he had an emotional connection with OW (and she an even greater one to H, due to her unhappy marriage and needy personality), so I couldn't force him to instantly dislike her. I have to live with the possibility that he probably still thinks something of her. I have to let that go, otherwise why bother? Acceptance of certain issues is the key.

I did write some questions to my H a while ago and he answered very thoroughly, although some of it was pure justification and blame, which did upset me greatly, almost causing us to cancel our 25th wedding anniversary trip back in January. He followed this up with another note expressing remorse and apologising and promising to support me in rebuilding our relationship. I almost had to prise this out of him, though. He did not quite see it. It took lots of conversations (some unpleasant ones at that) and tears and sleepless nights to get to that point, but it has been more downhill since then. I do have some more questions, but these have been put on hold for now. We go on holiday next week and I don't want a repeat of the anniversary episode! Writing them down appears to have lessened the need to ask them.

Also, I can't make my H behave like the other WS on here who 'step up to the plate' and I think you may also need to accept that your W is probably not going to do that, at least not yet.

Keep reading that book - or skip forwards. There is something later on about forgiveness that may help you. We have managed without counselling, but I really feel that you two may need something a bit more than you are doing. Learning to communicate better would be high on my priority list if I were in your shoes.

Take care.