Rock, I will say that it is up to you whether you follow the advice that many people here have given you. I fully appreciate what you're going through, as I'm sure many others here do, having all shared some degree of similarity in what is happening to us.

I have never been a keen tablet taker, except for the odd multi-vitamin or herbal remedy. I also used to be reluctant to go to my doctor with every ache and pain, but I seem to have set up a second home at the surgery lately! What with this and the menopause. But I felt I needed something, as the herbal products were not having much effect, and I did feel better taking the first tablets, apart from the side effects, as mentioned before. So, the new tablets - well, I'm not really sure what they're doing, as I've missed the odd day, usually because I have had a little drink and that's not recommended. I should know better really - I used to be a nurse! And anti-depressants are not the same as in days gone by, where you were prescribed them and left on them forever, in some cases. And the more modern ones are not addictive - in any case, your doctor should review you regularly. They will not 'drug you up' and make you unable to function normally. That was my initial thought, but the doctor reassured me. It might be that you only need them for a month or two, just to get over the worst part and get your brain in gear, or your questions asked, or whatever your goal is.

But really I think that the power of the mind has had a big part to play in my 'come-back'. I have practised positive thinking for some years now, but this recent upheaval just knocked me off so much, it was hard to make any headway. Counselling probably would not have helped me either, thinking back to how I was at the beginning of the year. I couldn't have taken it on board. I have been offered some Life Coaching, but I am not convinced that it will be any use now, as I feel that, at last, I am able to put my own knowledge into action.

BTW, I asked my questions last night - it went OK, with no anger on either side, but I did break down at one piece of news, so not a good night's sleep, I'm afraid. We had another chat this morning and things are now OK. I will update my Recovery thread soon, and then I think I am bowing out of MB. I will explain when I update my thread.

Take care.

Thanks for the responses sky and DH.
My computer at home is fried for the moment. I would love to listen to the shows, but I can't here at work. As far as the blood analysis goes, I am scheduled for some bloodwork shortly. I am a diabetic and am having a hard time taking all my medication. I'm not totally blaming all my negligence on this affair recovery, but it sure isn't helping. I am also taking medication for high blood pressure and high cholesteral. My job has been very stressful too. I seem to be a heart attack waiting to happen. I really don't want to add some more medication.

DH, I will be checking your recovering thread. If you do "bow out" I guess it will be bittersweet for me. I would love for you to work everything out and no longer have the need to come here, but I will miss your insight and input. Thank you for the time that you gave to me to help share things.
Talk to you guys later and thanks!

Thank you Rock. I don't really feel I've done that much, but I do try and see all sides of a situation. I will keep checking in on you from time to time. I really do hope that you make it. My thread is now updated.

I understand your concern about the ADs, but your doctor will only give them to you if he thinks it won't interfere with your other meds.

RS,

I am very sorry to hear about your health issues obstacles here. I understand& I getz it...your reluctancy, with adding more meds...why your feeling the additional extra low points... blood sugars drops, etc.

All the meds your taking& being a diabetic, adding AD really requires diligent focused monitoring on your part/doc part...(Even more so as a diabetic it's crucial to be teaming closely with your doc...)

Well, if this any encouragement, I am actually now off my high blood pressure meds, which I had taken for yrs.. I really had to wrk at a stress reduction program for myself.

The combination at the time of taking Ads/HBP meds(side effects from them), caused havoc on my immune system/liver...

I did bring down my blood sugars& high blood pressure levels down considerbly& took a natural route. Again, everyone system & tolerance to prescribed drugs is different.

Getting to this point to wrk with your doctor is a focused huge step of self care. Because if you don't I am very sorry to tell you that health wise, a body organ breakdown can rapidly deteriorate so fast,& can get worse more than you can imagine right now...

I share this from my personal experince.

I know I need to make another important gear shift in reducing, tunning out my acculumated stress levels lately & take more focused action.

Today, in fact, I dropped what I was doing& not feeling very well. Sort of my own personal red flag. Put my foot down & rushed out to get my self swimming passes at the pool...I don't feel a pill for me, can produce the all around positive mind/body health benefits one can obtain from swimming.

Then again, some people are not so chemically sensitive, and can do both their Ads& excerise program perferences....

Sorry to hear your pc is on the frizzz... Hope it's repairable!

RS...allow me to jump in the middle of the discussion here. I have not had the chance to catch up on your whole thread yet but if I am reading correctly, I have concluded this much so far...
you are still not in a place where you feel you are getting 100% honesty and transparency from your wife
you are hesitant to go on AD's.

Let me address the AD's first... I would strongly recommend that you NOT take AD's unless directed by a psychiatrist AND if you have exhausted other means of dealing with your depression first. I will assume that you are very motivated to get well so I am going to tell you that every study that has been done regarding the efficacy of AD's (and BTW, I sold Zoloft while working for Pfizer) has shown that aerobic exercise 4-5 times a week is just as effective and has only positive side effects. Here's the catch though... a lot of times when you are depressed it is tough to get motivated to start exercising. I would suggest that you sign up for several classes, aerobic and weight training tomorrow at your local gym. This cannot and should not be done alone. The studies are clear that the efficacy is greatly improved with group activity.
This should have the impact of lightening your mood and making you more attractive and healthy! All great things for you right now. Regular attendance in the classes is key.

As far as your wife...work the program here. Let me know where you are at right now with her... are you sure of NC. Has your wife committed to working on things?

I am sorry you are in so much pain. Hopefully we can help you find your way to a brighter day.

MEDC

ROCK:

There is a new medication out for diabetics. I am going to a seminar on it tomorrow. Will let you know what I find out so you can see your doctor about it.

Larry

Hey Rock ~

Zoloft saved my life. I agree with MEDC that you should try other avenues first, and excercise is a proven anti-depressant - but if your doctor (and I mean psychiatrist, not internist!) recommends you take them, then I would encourage you to try.

The thoughts we have impact our biochemistry, which impacts our thoughts which impacts our biochemistry....and in situations like this, just getting the downward spiral to stop is enough for you to regain your sense of self and ability to cope with life. I know thats how it worked for me. I only needed Zoloft for a short while - I think I took it for 6 months? But thats all I needed - just a boost to help me keep my mind afloat while I dealt with all the stuff I needed to deal with.

If you do use AD's dont just take them as a cure-all. Take them in addition to getting the help you need with the rest of your life - therapy with an IC, and a 12 step program can also help. Find a church if you dont already have one, and reach out to other people.

Your observations are correct MEDC, thanks for chiming in BTW. I'll post a weekend update shortly.
The gym idea probably wouldn't be good for me. I joined a local one just over a year ago and even talked FWW to join too. Unfortunately that is where she hooked up with her personal trainer (OM2). I'll just have to get more involved in my bowflex at home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MEDC

FYI - I know you have not read the whole thread, but Rock's wife still works with 2 of the 3 OM. If I recall she sees one of the OM everyday and the other ahe may pass by from time to time.

Rock - I am going to keep beating this drumb until it breaks - she needs to find another job my friend. I know that jobs like hers are very good jobs, but something HAS to give here.

If this is the case, then there is no point in trying to recover the marriage until such a time as that changes.
RS...if your wife refuses to leave these places of employment, I think it is time to go to Plan B. It has been 8 months since Dday...I would suggest that you not standing up and taking a stand for you is hurting your M.

As far as the gym... go to another one. As far as not talking to your wife...if you continue to handle this in a less than "manly" fashion, you will not get any where. Stand up for yourself and for your marriage NOW...if you don't, you will have no one else to blame 6 months from now when things are still the same.

What is your plan RS???? Your plan... not your wants, desires or maybes? What's the plan you are working here?

I just want to clarify that I only work with OM1. As we have discussed before, in great length, there is no way that I can quit my job. Both Mr. Rock and I understand that and he has also e-mailed with OM1. So I just wanted to clarify that and state that this area has been discussed.

Mrs. Rock

discuss it all you want... there is a way for you to quit your job... you write a letter of resignation and work in Wlmart if you have to. Finances, careers, personal sacrifices of any matter need to be taken to assure NC. You work with a man that you betrayed your husband with.
Your H should take a stand and say this is a boundary that if it is not respected, that he goes dark on you. There is NO reason that is good enough for you to work with any of your OM.
You are lucky beyond words that this man is till giving you the time of day let alone working on your M. Start repaying this gift by giving him the respect he deserves.

And am I correct that you have had 3 affairs with 3 different men??? If that is the case, I will say this to you directly... he should divorce you immediately since you have shown you are not worth the effort of tying to recover. If you have had 3 affairs, you are a serial cheater that has no respect for her H. If I read this wrong, I am sorry for the misunderstanding.

MEDC

Mr Rock had an A about 10 years ago also. Lots to work thru here MEDC.

I have told them to call the Steve H, get his advise.

Mrs. Rock - does that mean that OM3 not longer works at your co or location??? I know you said in the past that you can advoid the building he works in.

Mine was 12 years ago.
It's tough, but I have accepted the fact that she works with OM1 and I guess I am attempting to "beat the odds" so to speak as far as surviving. OM2 is definately out of the picture. OM3 is just a stones throw away though, but she assures me of NC with him. I know very little about her romance or relationship or whatever it was with him and that bothers me a lot. I blame myself for not "manning" up as you say and getting to the bottom of things.
My FWW did some terrible things and has hurt me more than I ever thought I could be hurt. I choose to stay and try to work this out. I love all the help that I've gotten here so far. I know that I am going against a lot of the principals that everyone has here. Maybe I am in denial, I don't know.
I know that a lot of pros here won't even attempt to help me because of the NC boundary. I don't know. We'll see what happens.
Rock

I too will have to bow out of your thread right now. You need to be willing to help yourself before seeking help from others RS. You are ignoring the most basic common sense things here.... and I think you are doing it to appease your wife. Big mistake. Stand up and be counted or risk being 50 and still dealing with this.

MEDC

Mrs. Rock,

How can you not quit your job? I think you mean to say that "I WILL not quit my job" and if RS pushes this then this is a deal breaker and I will leave. Wrong or right?

RS can do what he feels he needs to but continuing to work w/ a man with whom you betrayed your husband will never be helpful to your M or to your personal growth and withdrawal.

Well, ok, then, I appreciate your attempt to help. She works with OM1 and I have talked with him. I feel confident that he will never attempt to cross that line with my wife again. Very confident, honestly.
We are in no position for her to quit her job. I believe that someday we can work this out. A lot of it just has to do with our lack of communications and my boundaries, etc.
Heck the OW in my affair was a friend of my FWWs and some time after my D-Day they practically became best friends. I give my FWW lots of credit for that.
Thanks,
Rock

My FWW working with the OM was the ONE boundary that [color:"red"] I would not back down on. [/color]

I had to sell a car and get a different one with better gas mileage. Her old job with OM was 10 min away. New job 45 min away.

You do what you have to do.

Thanks Larry. I'm looking forward to what you find out.

WOW! You know my DH/BS has encouraged me to come here, maybe even to start my own thread. You have just reinforced the reason why I don't. You are coming into this thread without reading or knowing the whole history. Your comments to me and about me are very brutal. Yes, I have hurt him deeply and we have a lot to work on. And that is what "WE" are willing to do. Maybe you can check up on us in a few months and see where we are at.

Mrs. Rock

PS I do appreciate his willingness to stay with me....as much as I am sure he appreciates my decision 12 years ago to stay with him.