Next Monday I have a court date in front of a judge for child support issues. My attorney requsted the date due to WH attorney threatening to have no money put into joint account.

Got e-mail from WH today

Hey,

Want to see with you if you would reconsider Monday and try mediation again....probably after April? Since we are both away and all the birthdays....what do you think?

M

I'm not sure what to do. My attorney doesn't feel mediation would settle anything because we weren't even close the last time. PLus I think WH wants to show he has DS more so he won't have to pay CS for him if we have shared resisdence.

My first e-mail to him in response said I needed to think about it.

I'm thinking of e-mailing him this

Dear WH,

You know I don't want this divorce. Why dont we both stop the divorce proceedings, really work on our M istead of throwing away 27 years. And come home.

Otherwisw I think he is using this just to take more advantage of me.

Although it would drag it out some more.

I am so confused please help.

Still

You pay your attorney to represent your best interest in a D.

Go to court.

I think you should stick with the attorney on this one. Your WH is not talking about trying to reconsile, but talking about trying to get things to be more favorable on his end, by delaying the court date and by using mediation. I would not accept his offer and I would not get upset oven this email. He's not working for you and the children, but for his own interests here.

My email would have probably been something like this:

I have spoken with my lawyer and we are going to proceed with the court date as scheduled.

Short and sweet and to the point. Let your lawyer handle the money issues...that's what he is getting paid to do.

Go to court. Your attorney isn't looking out for your WH, his interest is in earning what you pay him to help you and your family. I'm not saying that I have not been known to repeat that D is not what I wanted, but I never told WH to come home. I just stated, "This is not what I want". That's it.

He's asking you to try something that didn't work before because he is backed up against a wall. He has many choices, two of which are to
a) come home, stop divorce, and work very hard to restore love and M.

b)DEAL...

He knows these choices; you have made the road map. Take care of you and your kids first, no matter WHAT he says. Remember, it's what he DOES. ACTIONS.

Hey guys,

How about an e-mail that says

Unless you are want to stiop the D and reconcile on the advice of my attorney I feel we should proceed.

Still

I wouldn't mention stopping the D. SHOW STRENGTH. He wants to see you weaken your fight. DO NOT. If he wanted to stop the D right now, he would, without you telling him. You know this Still.

During D proceedings and dealings, it is not the time to give in. You have extended that olive branch over and over. WH knows that you love him. You don't need to prove it over and over again. This is legality, not LOVE. They are not like chocolate and peanut butter; they are not two great tastes that go great together. Separate the issue here. You're rubber and he is glue, divorce bounces off you and sticks to him.

Agree--stick with your attorney. WH has more to lose and doesn't want to. Don't trust him. You know you can't trust him right now, right?

I don't think I would respond at all. If I did, it would be short. Like

"No." or "I don't want a divorce . . . ."

But you already responded and said you'd think about it? Um, mild 2x4 ahead: that was probably a mistake. You gave him some contact, he knows that he got to you, even if only a little bit. Did you post anything here before responding to his email? The main rule of Plan B is no contact with WS, so when you want to respond, don't. Wait. Breathe. Think about why you want to respond, what you hope to accomplish, and whether it's likely to succeed.

But I still think you're doing really well.

Thanks Silent,

You're right. I talked to my attorney and he said it was up to me. He gave me 2 scenerios.

Right now I have acess to all his income, as he does to mine. And with the judge I'll get something in child support but it won't be as much as now.

But then again it would give me less issues to discuss with him.

SOmetimes I think if I do go with his request... that would mean mediation probably at the end of May. That would give me 2 more months to plan B. Also 2 more months for A to end. And it would drag out the D.

And then i think I just want this over so I can heal. And just because we divorce doesn't mean he couldn't come back. Because i absolutely don't want him as he is.

And sometimes the way I feel I could start living my life again. Find domeone who would love me.

I don't know today was a bad trigger day for me...Woke up crying...cried almost all day at work. Knowing things are getting closer. He laso mentioned he was going to his cousins with the kids for Easter. And I miss the fact I can't go to.

Still

(((((Still)))))

You have so much going on right now, and it's all so heavy. Let your attorney do their job. Try to think of it this way, your WH is not asking you to stop the D, he's asking you to leave him more money. With that knowledge, if YOU want to stall, if you have been waiting for an opportunity to do so, then do it. I wouldn't, however, give in to a sniveling, hindsighted WH, who is looking out for himself. Let your lawyer look out for you, in that case.

Silent,

That's what I'm so confused about. I wanted this stalled.

It is like you said... he doesn't want to stop the D. He just want to try mediation again thinking he can manipulate me. And to have that mediation it'll cost around 1000. for me.

I told my attorney that I would think about it and let him know tomorrow morning.

The thing about dragging it also is it just keeps me in limbo for a longer period of time. Don't get me wtong I still want my M and I am doing everything I can, I'm just not sure agreeing with him right now id the right thing.

He alsready knows I don't want this D and why tell the WH that, I only want my H back.

Still

With the BF of your daughter living with him, that may impact his fun in la la land with OW. My opinion, unsolicited, is to let it all rain down on him at once. You are not making any of this happen, these are the products of his choices.

Still, maybe just sleep on it, as much sleep as you can get.

I am behing you 100%, whatever you choose to do.

Still,

Oh darn that WS!

You know I am no expert, but from the outside looking in,,, without My emotions being on the line, I say proceed

As SL says, it is time for him to face the reality and consequences of HIS actions

I know none of this helps your heart right now, but know you have done and continue to do what you can for your M. H has to show up,,,and that email was from selfish WS. Treat him as such

Will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers

No advice Still, just sending my support and prayers.

My response w/b something like:


[color:"blue"]Hey?!??hm....is that how you address your W?

Please provide a reason for reconsidering mediation. Last time it didn't work. You are still a WS who has chosen to abandon his family, so please tell me why you now want mediation. I will take it under reasonable consideration providing you give me something reasonable to consider.

Sincerely,
Your Wife [/color]

See now that w/b my response because if I don't get a reasonable explanation what's in it for me to consider? Just to get short-changed, stomped on?!??!? Don't like those options.

JMHO,
L.

Orchid,

I love your response... and I may send it.

I guess you could say I''m still sitting on the fence. All night tossed and turned and asked God to send me an answer. And I asked God to send an naswer I would under stand (feel rather dense right now)

Just got up real quick to check reponses and to see how much snow we got...about 8 inches and still snowing. Kids have a snow day today.
We'll do something fun later.

Everyone thanls for all the support. I'm going back to bed for a little longer.

Still

SD,

Missed your post completely last night. I got the e-mail at work and can't post here at work.

2X4 taken.... I did talk to attorney before I responded to WH. But your right I should have just responded with my answer when I decide.

I am now going to go abck to bed and think some more.

Still

(((((stillhurting01)))))

It hurts because you still care. He doesn't.

He knows you and your "emotional buttons" after 22 years, but he could care less about God, so you don't even "rate" on his radar screen.

This is STILL "all about WH" and what HE wants.

IF he truly wants mediation, let him obey God FIRST.

"Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.
Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
Let her be the the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a stange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.
His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.
He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray." (Proverbs 5:15-23, KJV, emphasis added)

He "bargains" with God and he "bargans" with you, all in order to continue in his sin without consequences.

Honor God and stand against his latest attempt to manipulate you into letting him continue without "disturbing" his self-centerd fantasy.

God bless.

Still:

I've not been keeping up with your situation.

Are you in PLAN A?

If so, why not STALL THE DIVORCE?

I'm not sure I agree with pushing for a court date.

Attorneys DO DIVORCE.

I don't want to CONFUSE things, coming in on this so LATE but I actually agree with your first E-MAIL...where you SAY come home..don't waste 27 years... stop all of this CRAP...

Unless..you are in PLAN B...

Mimi,

Still in very early in Plan B.

Mimi,

Like Bugs said I've been in plan B for about 8-9 days.

I want to cry because we had alot of snow and I went to get coffee and the ho was at his place. No tire tracks in driveway.

Mimi what would you do knowing I'm in plan B?

Still