((lilsis))

I can totally related-even now that he has his D. You can't expect to stop caring for your WH when you made a covenant that was forever. And not having had a choice in the disruption of our M makes it even harder.

Something my IC said that made sense was that I may always have pain for my X because I do love him. That doesn't just shut off. And maybe all I can do is be still in the pain and know that God is God. Let God work in that pain, in that stillness. So I did. And guess what, there has been release of my spiritual bond with my XH. I can't really explain it, but I know that it's real.

I still think of him, I am still so sad over his choices and the consequences in our lives. I still miss the R I had with him, but I am choosing to put him and the OW into God's very capable hands.

So I capture those thoughts and lay them at Jesus feet and I pray for him. It's a discipline right now, kind of like getting exercise. But I hope it will soon become a habit.

Hang in there

I can realte totally.

LilSIs... He's my first thought in the morning. My last thought at night and very frequent thoughts during the day.

I still think of him more often then not. It is a withdrawel from them. And I agree with both you and Johnstwin that it a withdrawel we didn't choose to happen.

It's also abeautiful day here.... going to meet DD for linch. DS is crashed and I think will sleep all day today. Last night was a ballgame and overnight at the JH, needless to say they got no sleep at all.

Love you all and will check in later.

Still

Thank you both.

I thought the same thing to myself yesterday AM, Johnstwin...that it is much about discipline. My "first thing in the morning" thoughts have become a bad habit...one that needs to be changed.

Let the thought happen, but immediately follow it with a prayer or a "giving it over" to God. Develop in myself a new pattern, one that allows me to stop the thought (about a situation over which I have no control), and do something productive with it...like saying a specific prayer for WH...and with the Amen, consciously turn my thoughts away from him and towards ME and the boys and our lives.

Well...thanks for letting me know (for like the 1000th time) that I am not the only one... fortunately for me, unfortunately for you, because I wouldn't wish this on anyone...

TJ over....have a great day.

Sis

LilSis,

No problem with the TJ.

It is comforting to know this is normal feelings.

Still

Well, throw me in the lot with thinking about STBX...LMAO

I actually feel so sorry for him, the choices he's made, he's got to be lonely in that house at night by himself, no laugher, no fun, etc...

Meanwhile, I'm laughing and playing with the kids, it's never quite, well, except in the dead of night! I think about how angry he is which is evident from the comments that I'm hearing! Projection!...

"You enjoy being a sexaul deviant!" meaning "he enjoys being one!"

You know he would say that his femine side was lesbain and here he is calling me one! Funny, huh?

Still, there was something that I wanted to 2x4 you for....hold still! LMAO

Ready?


LMAO...not for the drive-by! Who cares what he's doign? (I know you do!) But he IS NONE of your business...play in your own sandbox...

I have to remind myself sometimes, I have to 2X4 myself and remind myself that what's he's doing IS none of my business...

I guess that would be a lesson we all need to practice more...being that we think about them...

Perhaps if we can envision putting our WH in our cupped hands and actually giving them over to God, that would help!

I know for me, if I focus on that then I'm only hurting myself...I'll get angry and it SURE it's doing anything to HIM!

Whacking session over with wood! Pardon the interruption!

Back to being happy! Happy MOM'S day to you too! All of you great and wonderful moms! I'm so proud of your decision with DD, Still...

You're stronger my the day whether YOU see it or not! Great Plan Bing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Okay 2X4 taken. Boy I have a headache. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know I shouldn't think what he is doing.... it is so hard. I think the wedding thing was a little trigger. He's having the time of his life and here I am dealing with outside work and indoor work.

You know what I wouldn't change places with him for a million dollars. I know I couldn't live with myself doing what he's doing.

I like the picturing him in my cupped hands and offering him to God. I think I'll do that whenever I think of him.

Had a message on my answering machine from my attorney... will return call on Monday. Also seeing my pastor on Monday. Bringing him coffee,

Still

Still,

Ok, you got the 2x4 , so let me just add this

You can also picture WH in your cupped hands,,and when you can't bring yourself to hand him over to God, then imagine yourself smacking your hands together really HARD and squashing him!! He!he!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Enjoy the love of your kids tomorrow!

Even I like that one!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You got a giggle out of me Bugs....

Can Ho be there when I smack my 2 hands together???

Still

Had the best Mothers day one could have without my DD19 who is in Germany and without my H.

Started the day out going to Church with my kids then for breakfast. Wh was at the place we went for breakfast so that kids could sign his moms card. Didn't look at him. But I was dressed very nice and it was a good hair day. DD came in and said dad TM about not giving at church because he had already. Didn't get it when I checked it he also wished me Happy Mothers Day.

Hung out with DD, DS and DD boyfriend. Picked up dogpoo and DS mowed backyard for me. We are getting there, then kids took me to dinner and DD and DS had made memory boxes (DD did actual work) with pictures of them and family vacation pictures. I twas amazing. DD's BF also brought me a yellow rose.

Checked e-mail this morning one from WH from last night. He had e-mailed me Sat morning about propane for the pool and he had something to discuss. Ie-mailed him back what about it.
his answer "This is cold....do you really want to do this by e-mail"
Just sent back "yes"

Now just working up the courage to call Attorney and see what he wanted.
Was hoping that I would of had an answer to last e-mail I sent but it really doesn't surprise me I haven't ever been a priority in his life.

Also meeting with my priest today.

Still

Just got off phone with attorney. Just about his bill and such.

Hasn't recieved anything from his attorney that was requested. In the brief exchages he has had with WH attorney he is moving forward with the D. So he told me I need to reconcile this and also move forward.

We will not have a date this month. I still told attorney that I am in no rush.
So right now it looks like June.

Found out the witness list is just myself, him and appraisor.

I hate this I just want this to stop.

Still

HAd a very emotinal visit with my priest.

He asked me if WH and I were still separated? I told him yes we were and that he was still seeing a married woman who he is her boss. He was surprised as he hadn't really heard anything from me in a while just to pray for WH and that he was going back to chuch.

He then said that WH may have been dishonest about our situation when he taked with the priest that is in charge of SB. Because he said when the SB team rooseter came up he mentioned to Father that WH was separated last he heard. I told him it wouldn't urprise me if he left out those facts. He then told me then we can't have him repersenting our church.

We talked alot about M and commitment. How we can't change another person. I told him I'm praying for WH and our M. He told me to also prayer for a clear vision of what God wants. How this simetimes gets all mixed up with what we desparately want God to do.

He also told me not to give up hope because we never know what God has in store for us. Also mentioned about how letting someone go because if they come back there love is ours if they don't come back it never was. This I have a hard time coming to terms with... as I know our M was real.

We talked about how it doesn't seem WH ever put the commitment into working on our M before getting involved with another person. And after he was involved he is too wrapped up in his feelings to see anythhing else.

He asked me what I was afraid of. I told him to be alone. And why. I told him I want and need someone to love me. He said I do have people love that love me. I told him my WH left me for another woman. He asked me if that made me feel unlovable. I said yes it does. He said WH leaving is no reflection on my being lovable or unlovable. It is a reflection on himself as a person.

I told him that I'm only communicating with WH through e-mail. And how WH doesn't like it. He thinks it's cold. He offered to be a safe person to be with us and we should talk. Not about D proceddings or bills. We should talk about what happen and explain to each other our feelings. He told me I don't need to explaian to him why I need a safe person. (I do because I will fall apart if it's just me and him and probably LB) I told him I'm open to this.

He also said if WH refusing to talk without a third party present he will talk to the other priest about his actions. This way it doesn't look like me trying to amnipulate the situation. So it looks like either way WH will not be playing SB for our church.

So I'm going to pray on this and formulate an e-mail to offer this.

Pastor also told me I can't be a doormat for this man. That in order for reconciliation I must have boundries. I told him MOW would have to be out of the picture comopletely and MC.

He also knows OW isn't D either.

Please would like opinions....

Still

Man, that really chaps my hiney. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Of course he says that! The attorneys (both his and yours) have no vested interested in seeing this divorce halted. To them, it's just another day, another dollar. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You stick to your guns. He works for you. Tell him HE needs to reconcile to the fact that you DO NOT WANT this divorce and that he needs to DELAY this as much as legally possible, if that what's YOU want.

(((Still)))

PM,

He knows I want this delayed... and he's doing it as much as possible. He's not ppushing for things that have been requested a while back.
But you're right he has nothing emotionally vested in this at all. But he knows how I feel and the way I'm taking it as be prepared if this doesn't happen.

PM any comment on what my pastor said?

Still

Still,

I do believe this is the most significant reason I didn't end my marriage. I wonder, if I was 20 years younger, if my decision might have been different.

It would be interesting to see the statistics on that. I sure hope the best for you in all of this. The situation makes me feel sad.

(((((Still)))))

Whome,

I do think some of it has to do with my age. Statisitcly (sp?) it's harder for divorced woman to find someone then it is for a divorced man. At least that is what I've read. I also see that in my community of the divorced woman.

Still

Yay for him! He is absolutely correct about this.


I agree, except as far as I know God hates divorce, but has allowed it under circumstances of adultery.


Agree. Sometimes we DO get in the way of allowing God to work. I know I did.


Disagree. Isn’t this just a platitude? Maybe this applies in a dating situation, but I don’t think it applies to a marriage. Even Plan B isn’t letting go of your marriage, it’s preserving the love you have left for your spouse by taking yourself out of the equation.


This is true, but you already knew that.


Does he endorse MB? Maybe you should tell him more about it so he’ll get where you’re coming from. I’m all for counseling but I’d make sure it’s with someone who shares your beliefs completely… and it sounds like he does.


Absolutely. As some of the MB pros will tell you, Plan A isn’t being a doormat. Someone described it more like a welcoming mat.

By the way, what is SB?

Thanks for your points about what pastor said. I'll reply more on that later. Need to get DS and DD

SB threw me for a minute there... happen to be MOW intials also. I'm using it here for softball <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Still

Thank you for posting that communication with your priest. Lots of good advice and wisdom in that post.

Hopeandpray,

Yes it was very helpful talking to him.

When we talked about M and how some of my friends are claiming that I'm not married anymore. He told me in the eyes of God you're married until death. That is not the case in the legal sense.

It's nice to see he's not wishy washy about this. WH is going to think all of this is my fault.... hey I'm starting to get used to be his excuse for all his wrong doings. I'll just do what I have done in the past... I'm sorry you feel that way. Sometimes we need to look within ourselves to find answers to why things happen.

Also saw MOW today drove right by her. If she wasn't wearing sunglasses our eyes probably would of met. Evil evil woman.

Still