I completely understand how emotions can guide your actions. This past year I have acted out of fear and anger and it has really made things sour with my ex and I.

I am really trying to interact with calm and respect (deserved or not) with her now. We don't say much to each other, but I have tried to be positive and even throw a complement or two her way.

For example, she had many concerns about a baby sitter watching the kids while we worked. She called basically to tell me all the things I should make sure I pass on to her. I could have acted defensively and said something like, "I'm responsible enough to take care of this myself!"

Instead, I let her get those things off her chest and told her I would pass on what she suggested. I texted her later and told her that the kids would be fine and that her inputs were welcomed and respected.

Really, what does it hurt to listen, even if it is unnecessary?

I guess I'm just entering a different stage in this whole mess. None of this new life is better than when things were bad when I was married. I would still take my bad times then over my good times now.

I'm hoping she gets more reasonable with time for you.

It doesn't hurt to listen, you're right. That's what I tried to do this past week when I bit my lip. Now, I think I would rather not listen at all. I don't want to hear anything unless it has to deal with the children. As for me, the bad times now, are better than the good times when I was married to her. Sad to say. I look back and it seems like we were both very unhappy almost the entire marriage. Both our mistakes for doing nothing to correct the issue.

We had a lot of turmoil in our lives as well, but I thought that our marriage was better for it, not worse.

9/11 happened right before we got married. She got pregnant right after we got married. Then followed by the war (I was an AF pilot), moving to England, deployment, busted tests (as a pilot, she stuck by me on that), a twin pregnancy (which was really rough), depression during that pregnancy, deployment during the pregnancy, the birth of our sons, a bad relationship with our commander, a move back to the States, another deployment.

The twins were a joy and a burden at the same time. Twins are very, very busy and draining, but I love them very much.

I thought we made it through all of that stronger as a couple. Just 9 months before she got abducted by aliens and had her brain scrambled she was writing me and telling me how she loved me more deeply for all we had been through. When I deployed I would go to sleep every night by pretending she was behind me, with her arm around my waist.

I had no clue that she felt our problems were so bad that they couldn't be resolved. We never went to counseling after she revealed her feelings to me. She became a WW and I did everything wrong and lost her.

It has been a ****** of a year. I guess that letting go of someone you love so intensely makes the letting go process more intense as well.

I still hurt a little when I think of her with someone else. Not anywhere as bad as a year ago, but it still stings a little. There has been much anger on both sides.

I believe we're through the worst and we don't seem to argue as much lately and we keep our conversations short. It has been my own personal emotional evolution that has led me to choose to stop arguing. I finally see for myself that doing so if futile. Life itself can do all the speaking for me.

I'm just now making myself available to date again and I see how challenging it is when there's kids in the equation. She hasn't felt this yet because she hasn't gotten serious with anyone. She's been with the same guy for 8 months, but it isn't serious. It may be in her eyes, but how serious can it be if he's never been around the kids? I'm completely speculating there and she may see him as not being serious.

I think she keeps them from him because she wants to protect the kids but also because she doesn't see him as marriage material but merely as someone she can go out with and have fun. At least that's what I think.

Hang in there mustang. It will get better, I guarentee it. I remember those times. Now, I am in a much better place. I went through the depression. My life, has improved ten fold. I am a much happier person now than I was married. Sad, but true. I have met a wonderful woman who is everything I could ever ask for. If only I could see my children everyday. The only negative to this situation for me. I too, have twins that were a blessing and a curse on my marriage. One was born with a lot of health issues that added to the strain. Twins are a lot of work. The only thing haunting me about the D is that I feel I let my children down. I feel they deserved to have a mother and father together in the same house. But, I wasn't about to let my XW have a BF and be married to me, like she wanted.

It will get better...

You know, it's possible that she could have some real concerns about the GF that have nothing to do with her trying to be a pain-in-the-[censored] on purpose. I can think of 3:

1) She's worried about how your GF is treating the kids because she's not there to see it. Maybe you don't worry about the BF but most women WOULD worry about the GF.

2) She's worried that your GF might be treating your kids TOO well. She doesn't want to be replaced. This is an irrational fear, yes, but it would be normal.

3) She's worried that you are using the GF as your new babysitter and therefore the kids are not getting much quality time with YOU, their dad. If I were her, I would be very worried about that.

In ref to #1) I understand, however, I feel it's not my choice who my XW chooses to have around the children and it's not her choice who I do. You can worry all you want, but as long as the children are being treated well that's all that matters.

#2) I agree, it's irrational. At first I felt this. Thinking about my XW moving in with her BF and the fact that he would be around my children more than I would, but I soon realized that I am their father and they know that. No matter how much they might like him, I am their father.

#3) My situation is a bit different than most. Although my papers say I get visitation every other weekend, my work schedule does not allow that. I only get one weekend a month off and can not meet the XW to pick the children up on weekends I work. I only get my children one weekend a month as it stands right now. My XW up and moved the kids 4 hours away while we were divorcing so she could be closer to her BF.

You are making this way to complicated. Do you have any court ordered rights to visitation, joint legal custody, etc?

If yes, then tell your overbearing, *itch of an Ex WW to go to hades and that what you do with the children on your visitation is none of her business as long as you take good care of the children and keep them safe. If she continues to make trouble take her azz back to court for modification of custody for interfering in your visitation. One trip like this back to court and she will be more accomodating, I promise.