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#1868525 05/01/07 07:16 AM
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Okay, here it is. This will be JJ's thread. A second thread concerning marriage, divorce, etc as related to the Bible will remain on GQII.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Can I hang up some curtains?

LA

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MM,

Would you consider taking Jilly's name out of the title? If someone used Active Topics, they would see her name.

I want us to heal and learn here...and I would appreciate it if you did MM's Thread or something.

LA

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I think it's very cool what you did, MM....great idea. Thanks you so much!

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(((NOW)))

Have a question for you, if you have the chance.

LA

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MM,

Thank you... for all of the work you have done. I am also reading the split thread too. I hope to learn a lot.

LA... of course you can hang some curtains.

NOW... thanks for your other post... the one LA did the call out thread on about understanding the depth of forgiveness.

And yoo hoo FH... what was it that Dorothy said to the scarecrow... well ditto.


Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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LA, I'm here off and on throughout the day, what's on your mind?

JJ good to see you!

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MM,

Would you consider taking Jilly's name out of the title? If someone used Active Topics, they would see her name.

I want us to heal and learn here...and I would appreciate it if you did MM's Thread or something.

LA

Dont worry, LA. I dont think there will be anymore trouble! If there is, then it will be time to get the mods involved.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 566
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Here is the link to the other thread called Quiet Corner.

quiet corner


Just in case anyone wants to know where that one is too.


Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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Jilly for some inexplicable reason MM decided to set up this new thread for you rather than use the one Pep had already set up.

Control? I don't know.

Suffice to say, if I can be of any help to you here I am happy to try.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Thank You Big K. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


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NOW,

I saw your post on the depression thread...thank you for reminding me!

And yes, I asked just as my head was filling up with batting so thoughts would not connect.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm better! I slep 12 hours straight last night...and now I'm about as fast a slug right now, I know that was healing. Whew! (And I love how you took the time to check up on me, too.)

Okay...my question...well, it was unformed, like a vague urge...and I think by not asking then, I've gotten it a little better formed now...I hope.

After the JJBA thread, I figured out I don't know how to fight fairly. I wanted to ask you what you know about doing that...and what God says in the bible about it...anything. Because I was doing my best and I still came away with the old crappy resentment, victim-status crud...and so I'm working through that thread to get to my own lessons...

Hey, I caught myself telling my MS yesterday, "There's no loss if you can find a lesson." I like that!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for remembering, holding and asking...means a lot to me. Now, hold this kleenex, 'k?

LA

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Quote
Jilly for some inexplicable reason MM decided to set up this new thread for you rather than use the one Pep had already set up.

Control? I don't know.

Suffice to say, if I can be of any help to you here I am happy to try.

Control? How would I control this? (Mortarman scratching his head?!?!?!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,326
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LA,

Sorry to take so long to reply...been a busy few days...I am glad you're doing better...there must be something in the air because my oldest daughter is just getting over a nasty cold, and she still has a lingering cough. Now my youngest is starting! Ugh.

I'm not really sure how to answer your question...I don't really consider myself "good" at fighting fair. In the past, and even still, I tend to get snotty and biting when I "fight". I tried very hard not to get that way on the other JJ thread, because it never turns out well. So I just try to keep in mind, we are really all in this together, we are all a lot more alike than we think, and we all need to treat each other with respect. Also what helps a lot is to keep emotions out of it, although that's much easier said than done. If someone responds to me with what i might see as a personal attack or dig, I choose to ignore the emotional response I get and just really try to listen to the message, the words themselves and respond in as neutral a way as I can.
As for what the Bible says about it, I can't think of specific verses that answer that, so I guess I just try to think about how Jesus would respond. Whenever he was attacked or someone tried to start an argument in order to trick Him, he responded in as few words as possible, and always got to the underlying issue. I have found for myself that keeping responses short is best, and I try to stick to responding only to what was said without interjecting a whole lot of other issues or assumptions about what people "mean." In other words, I take what was said at face value. I tend towards reading things into what is said, so I really watch out for that. It always ends up bad! It is for that same reason that i try to keep responses short and to the point, because I may say something off the top of my head that really doesn't have much to do with the issue at hand, and a lot of times, it is those statements that jump out at people, and gives fuel for the fire, kwim?

Anyway, I hope this helped....and like i said, I am no expert at fighting fair! But it really does help to avoid "reacting" and just stick to "responding". Make sense?
And to remember there is another human being at the other end of the "fight" that may just be as vulnerable as you and just not showing it!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

NOW

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NOW,

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for sharing as you do so often, in a way I really get it.

I'm learning about this slowly...and it's on again, in the same way...and it's different for me. I'm not feeling reactive. I'm not feeling attacked...my own belief in myself has solidified a bit more...my biggest fear is that I'm continuing to do evil...as I did in the fog...so if others are telling me I am, then I'd better listen.

Jesus didn't listen to others. He knew he wasn't doing evil. Least, that's what seemed to me. Which is why I think I can get to the neutral response, past the emotionally reactive one. Not sure, though, when I am called names. Guess I'll see, eh?

I think that's why God brings us the same lesson again, (and again)...because over time, we see more clearly, from growing. I won't fight that something not be brought up again...only for my own growth, it's worth seeing again.

And as you said, for the others who are as vulnerable as I am because we're all humans...we are born vulnerable and will die so. No matter what we believe. I'm not the only one with stuff to learn and grow from...to heal inside me.

Thank you very much for that reminder...came from my old inferiority, I'm-the-only-one-broken mindset.

How are you doing?

LA


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