cookie. .. .


Yea, I know you do. I was rambling and thinking out loud.


You were discussing methods. I did understand that and I think I tried to back up what you were trying to do. And yes, empathy is the right word, not sympathy. Harley has empathy for all and that is a good thing. I learned to have empathy for my wife, finally, by reading Harley. Before that, there was none, just a feeling that she had lost her mind. I am glad I found this site which led to me finding understanding to the extent I have it.

Larry

Weaver...

I'm still thinking... thinking... thinking....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SC... I would venture a guess that I have had significantly more interactions with evil than most 10 people combined. I have seen man's inhumanity to men on full display and it is not usually due to pain in one's life...I worked as a cop...I have an advanced degree in sociology(a lot of which is hogwash btw)...I work with groups dealing with sexual assault...I have looked evil in the eye... and have seen senseless slaughter over nothing more than a pair of sneakers.

So, you are right... we do not have a starting point.

Oh I know SC. Take your time, no worries. I wasn't talking about this thread, just an observation of what my opinion of hurtful is.

cookie.

Yea, you hang out in great places There ARE other places.


There ARE some just plain old evil mean people out there. I am reminded of an old Richard Pryor skit. He had just made Stir Crazy with Gene Wilder. His skit was detailing how he felt about whitey putting brothers in jail. He went on and on, then talked about meeting some of those same brothers. He mentioned one of them:

"Why you in here brother?"

"I killed five people."

"Why you do that?"

"Cause they was there."

Richard Pryor looked around the audience and then said in the whimsical, almost embarrassed way he could use at times, "Don't let them out!"

Cops call people without any redeeming qualities at all, "Critters." That about sums it up. And it doesn't really matter much how they got to be the Hannibal Lectors of the world, they are what they are. Some folks are just plain mean in certain ways, like the, uh, person I know who has declared that cats are for one purpose in this world, only; as target practice. He meant it and did it.

Larry

ah... but how about the animals that KNOW life begins at conception and still choose abortion.... and I believe with all of my heart that this is pure evil. And frankly, since you brought it up.... IMO, this is the case in most abortions... that people KNOW exactly what they are doing and yet still choose the path of evil.... kind of speaks to my point.

LMAO.... Larry... are you from Philly???? LOL!!!!!!!

mkeveryday. . .


Been using that one a LOT! I love it. Simple and to the point. Thank you. I had forgotten where I stole it fair and square.

You see character as black and white, good or evil in affairs. Ok, that works for you. I have a different mind set that works for me.

Larry

No, but I read WEB Griffin. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Larry

That would explain it! Very funny to see that expression on this forum! You made my day.

MEDC

mkeverday...


Yea, and there there is the feel good at any cost school of counseling. Kinda like lawyers. Everyone is a victim if they pay well.

Some of the concepts of sociology are so full of it, that some shrinks got together and decided to start up something called "Cultural Psychology." Now those same shrinks lost the academic wars that followed, but their premise was valid, IMHO.

My Grandfather was a tough cop from the old days. His idea of how to handle critters made for fewer court dates and safer streets. Social conditioning these days is what it is because of the excesses of the past, real in some cases or imagined in many others.

Larry

WEB Griffin helped shape my view of men and me in the role of a man. I guess you have read his Philly police series, right? I ask for a reason.

Larry

I have not. I have known about it for a while... but sometimes it is a little too hard for me to read things like that as it makes me miss my "calling" a bit too much. Lived it... haven't read it... I will say "yet" for now.

sc~ have you ever considered that under the BSs anger is pure, fierce, intense pain? It is a self-defense mechanism to deal with pain by expressing it in anger ~ and it is not something that can normally, and definitely not easily, be controlled.

Under anger there is fear...so, what are we afraid of? Being hurt again? The pain never going away? Imagining that we will have to forever live a life of doubt in the one person who we thought we could always implicitly trust? That maybe our WS/FWS loves OP more than us? That maybe we really are worthless? Because, afterall, the actions of our WS already told us that.

The list goes on and on...you cannot imagine the fears and hurt that the BS has, all of which at some point or other, comes out as anger.

And do you know what helps the most to stifle that raging anger? It is true compassion, sympathy and empathy, most importantly from the WS/FWS. It is the WS fighting for the BS ~ it is the WS saying "I will not leave you ~ you can be angry and I will fight even harder for you, because I love you and I want you. Even if you are angry.".

It might even be a subconscious "testing of the waters" kind of a thing ~ as in, will you still love me, even if I am angry at you, at what you have done to me? Because I still love you, even though you have betrayed me and hurt me in the worst way possible.

Not sure if this helps you to understand any better what the BS is going through when all you see on the outside is anger. *shrug*

And it would be equally ridiculous to equate ADULTERY with straightforward speech on an internet forum. That reflects your shocking ignorance about adultery, which we already knew. But then, that has never stopped you before from offering your "opinion."

But what is even more ludicrous is for you to lecture anyone on "being rude." A troll who routinely engages in personal attacks and name calling, with a treasure trove of EDITED BY THE MODS posts to prove it, is hardly in a position to call ANYONE "rude" or a "bully." This is your MO. You come here only to attack veteran board members, Marriage Builders principles, and confuse newcomers with your own silly personal philosophies about marriage. Rude, indeed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have no idea what this means because I don't speak the language of psychobabble so I don't know what it means to "feel compassion for the person but NOT the disease." huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Whyever would you feel "compassion" for an addict? That is not what they need. Unless you define "compassion" as a kick in the [censored], a week in jail, etc. That is "compassion."



You can only speak for yourself, sc. But yes, you continually try to portray waywards as "victims." You even equated them to "abuse victims" earlier. And that is why you are continually carrying water for foghorns. I am sure child molesters, drunks, rapists all feel some "pain" too. Don't we all? But we don't all commit adultery. It is no excuse to harm others. I would wager that the victims feel MUCH MORE PAIN.

Yes, I do apologize for getting my facts wrong. But you have not been honest about your past and have been withholding information that does much to explain your wayward mentality and why you only come here to carry water for waywards. Care to be honest about that?

What it does often do is burst their fantasy. When they realize that their fantasy looks pretty putrid in the eyes of others, they are forced to see it through the eyes of others. The WORST thing that can one can do is mince words or ENABLE their fantasy. Rather, it is best to call a spade a spade, a CAD a CAD.

AMEN Mel...

Larry, I do appreciate your feedback. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Since we are in critique mode, let me share my view of your posts. I think they are often very helpful, but I would suggest becoming more familiar with Marriage Builders principles. You had a very strong overreaction to some of his principles/views that you weren't familiar with and it caused an unneccessary distraction on someone's thread. For example, telling children and the viewpoint that the BS must be protected from the WS. Granted, some of those principles are not well published, but I think it is always better to ASK instead of reacting and lashing out. Just IMO.

As far as communication styles, the other day you mentioned that you think folks should do a better job of explaining their points. I thought about this alot because I am KNOWN for fully explaining my points and believe I do a good job of that. Not always, of course, but usually.

However, I think that we communicate with others in the way that we want to be communicated WITH. You, as an individual, need very exhaustive explanation of every point. That would never work with me. I communicate in short, concise sentences that convey my point and drill right down to the bottom line. That is how I best understand something. I rarely ever read your posts because of this. You express in 10 paragraphs what I would express in 10 well thought out, less wordy sentences. Not that there is anything WRONG with that, just that when you ask others to more fully explain things, I think you expect a standard of communication that suits your personality and might not work for others. For me, I am pretty well known for explaining my points, but doing so very concisely with the LEAST amount of words.

It really did get me thinking though, and I think that the real issue is one of different communication styles. Which is a very good thing, of course. Some will respond best to your style and others will respond best to mine. That is the beauty of a diverse forum.