AMEN WEAVER! You are on a roll, girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I vote for changing the behavior instead of the English language. If being called a CAD is bothersome to the warped minded, then perhaps he/she should stop behaving like a CAD.

Because, the problem is that most people have not had their minds retarded by political correctness yet, so they may insist on calling something by its proper name. Many folks just don't speak doublespeak, sorry.

You'll be talking with them this weekend Mel? Great. Could you do me a favor? I totally understand asking the question of "calling a cad a cad". Would you mind also asking the question the way I phrased it? "When talking about the OP, how do you counsel the BS to talk about them? And when you as the counselor talk about the OP, how do YOU do so? And in a group forum such as on your website...how should the OP be talked about? Specifically, is calling them a cad, ho, whatever, acceptable? Even when its true?"

ML,

SC stated she wasn't upset by cad or the other one. It was from a different poster and she took the time to lay all that out.

I don't understand where you benefit from misrespenting what we all can read and query here?

And not address what MEDC wrote and was edited for? That's calling someone what they are? Really?

To me, gaslighting is doublespeak...what you say is righteous...(and I thought cad was an exemplary way of depicting fantasy OM/BIL, truly) which is calling a liar, a liar, a cad a cad...what's the criterion you use to determine where labeling in a helpful way (to break fog) ends and name calling begins?

I've asked you this before...and MEDC, and BigK and others...and I haven't gotten an answer.

Sure would help me to know where the line is that you draw. So I can follow...like calling someone a prostitute and then apologizing to prostitutes. Maybe what you're doing, I could follow and discern when you're doing what, if I knew what guidelines you had for yourself.

LA

I stand by what I wrote that was edited LA... and for me, it doesn't matter if YOU understand where I am coming from. I happen to use the criteria of if it quacks and has webbed feet... I call it a duck..not your style...but frankly it doesn't matter to me.
To me... and maybe not to others, you are a master of double talk and have become enamoured with always questioning others posting styles if it doesn't fit your ultra politically correct mindset. PC makes me want to puke.
at least you did not use the term abuse in this post.

LA

I will answer your Q ~~~>for myself only

TODAY, on a newbie WW's thread on JFO
(Reba)

I deliberately & repeatedly refered to "adultery" and avoided the word "affair"

reba has romanticized her behavior to a huge degree

my next step might be to refer to HER as adulteress

in practical terms, this WW is servicing a married OM as if she were an unpaid prostitute ... he is telling Reba he wants to leave his wife & kids for her & start a dream life together ... and we all know that just ain't gonna happen

I will no doubt, if I continue to post to her, say something ugly about OM.
I will have her refer to OM as the wife's husband and NOT her "lover"

my standard for name-calling varies & can be a very useful mirror to the adulterous who so blithly drive their family into the ditch at 100 MPH

>she IS an adulterous liar
>she IS behaving in ways that are UNloving to her own children, ergo a bad mother
>OM IS using her body as a convenient hole
>this adultery WILL ruin many lives, not just hers
>she IS & remains a liar until she confesses her adultery to her BH
>she IS weak
>she is getting weaker and more cruel as time goes on
>she is bathed in sin for the time being
>God hates what she is doing

no name calling could possibly be as cruel as what she is DOING

no contest

TA,

This board is full of people faced with the complete and utter devestation of their family and of the very core of their being.

They are being forced to make decisions while under extreme duress such as:

Do I go after the throat of the person I love more than life in court?

Do I wrench my children away from the parent they love so much in order to ensure that they are not subject to scumbag OM or OW?

Do I fight for custody, knowing my children will not understand why I must do this?

Is it in their best interest to fight for full custody? Will I hurt them worse?

Do I swallow my pride and take back the WS who ripped out our hearts and laughed the whole time, so my children are not subjected to what I am about to subject them to?

Do I financially ruin this person I loved so much and bore/fathered my children, to protect us?

Do I force myself to stop loving this person and move on with my life, knowing that they are destroying themselves and once I do I won't turn back.

Can you imagine having to make those kinds of decisions? Those going through your already over-loaded mind that is not quite functioning properly because you haven't slept or ate in weeks?

And then once the WS has a change of heart, the BS must stuff it all and heal the best way he can while

NEVER offending in anyway the WS, or the OM/OP?

You read this stuff all day long?

I am asking you, WHAT DIFFERENCE does it make what we say to an active WS? WHO GIVES A SH*T? If they are close to repentence, believe me they will be on their knees in shame, not stirring the pot.

If they come here while they are active and expect to get treated with respect, then they have more problems going on then just the fog.

I will not treat an ACTIVE WS the way I will treat others.

And if I did, how would that help to change their mindset?

If they get hit with both barrels here, it is just all that much sooner that the fog lifts.

It is just all that much easier that the BS has it during his Plan A.

The BS can't say what we can.

Weaver,

Someone has finally said what I have been thinking all alone. THIS is even more true if the BS was a damn good husband, father, lover, mate, friend, etc in the marriage. Every darn M is not falling apart or having affairs stem from them because some selfish, entitled, immoral, foolish, WS or OP is not getting their needs met. Guess what? There are a lot of damn people in life that aren't getting all their needs met and they aren't out looking for someone else to crawl in the sack with or to manipulate or be manipulated in order to "feel better".

MEDC,

Personally, I don't see where calling a poster a "Big (female gentalia)!" is calling a duck a duck. Could be you were calling her/him a Big Kitty Cat! which ISN'T calling calling a duck a duck.

What bothers me the most, MEDC, is that you have a role, a voice, in Domestic Violence...and yet you said you posted phrase because bullying was your intention because the poster deserved it (my summary).

Good to know. What you do to certain posters, you do to any poster...and we won't know when we deserve being bullied or not.

People you like you here, MEDC...they say, "Ah, he's just that way sometimes. He's really good guy" which is what victims say about their abusers. They excuse, justify and ignore...because you are likeable. To me, you're dangerous.

At least I can see where you are...in plain view. And I do appreciate that. And you gave me a stunning lesson on the JJBA thread...when you said if I took this as an attack, you meant for it to be one...and I learned when you state, "I'm attacking you" I don't hurt at all. I had no idea prior to that. Seriously. In that one post, my mind really widened and I appreciate you being here, being part of this community.

As for me, no doublespeak here. When you profane, you say you're justified. To me, justifications ARE doublespeak.

LA

ummm... LA.... there is another definition to the word I used...but thanks for the chuckle LA...
as far as my having a voice in certain things... yep, I do... and the victims of those crimes as well as other types appreciate people like me that are willing to stand strong with both my words and deed. As I have said in the past LA... I was once like you... I feel I have evolved into a person that has a clear sense of right/wrong and is not afraid to stick my chin out there when confronting evil.
And the "what I do to certain posters... I do to any poster" is just another bit of flatulence.
Really LA... time to get over yourself.

Pep,

I agree 100%...you are what you're doing now. You lie, you're a liar. Absolutely. You put everything in the present tense...you did not call her an idiotic nitwhit without the brains God gave a mouse, did you?

Okay...so present tense: cheating = cheater; lying = liar...

Yes. I get that. And Adulterer instead of affair partner...oh, new insight there. Yes.

Just as you said to me on my first thread, that I'd made this emotional soup...which was right on and cut cleanly through my own fog...so I see you doing to others.

When you said name "no name calling could possibly be as cruel as what she is DOING" did you get that I was comparing the two, regarding what we say to WS about OPs? I wasn't. I was looking at how ML defined SC as a current, unrecovered fogged out wayward spouse right now.

How name-calling each other on the board between regardless of FWS or FBS...one person stating what another person's intent is, what they feel, rather than stating their own intent, agenda, thoughts and feelings.

And I see a parallel between the cruelty of being an adulterer and that of defining others who are not. Because a WS will justify anything...and what I see is that same mindset here.

If someone does call Reba a dirtbag, scumsucking excuse for a human being...and they justify they are calling a duck a duck...they how are they different? A well-intentioned poster may say, "You didn't hold to your boundaries!" and proceed to do this, obviously not having those boundaries themselves.

I saw your post as stating clearly your boundary. Highest honesty, direct, communicating the truth. Did I understand this correctly?

Would I violate your boundary, Pep, if I said, "Pep is a embittered, unrecovered BS, who feels entitled to bash WS and their OPs"?

I think so. (I don't come anywhere remotely close to this believing this, Pep. That's how audacious and extreme I find a lot of the name calling is around here.)

What I see in your posts is clarity and honesty. I don't see name calling. Guess I'm wondering why you volunteered what name calling isn't to you...and would like to know what it is to you. I am grateful you did. I want clarity.

LA

Doing evil, MEDC, is not confronting it. When you bully, how do you stand up to them?

And you said if the poster deserves it, you will. That's not you being flatulent, in my book. It's a promise you keep, MEDC. I learned you make good on your promises.

Like the great advice...if you see your fiance being snide to the waiter, remember, he'll be snide to you, too. He's capable and he chose to do it. Don't think you can make him NOT be snide to you.

I'm learning.

LA

LA, I honestly don't know what you just said, so maybe if you rephrase in another way, I could understand.

I think you misunderstood me, LA. I have never called anyone a "prostitute" here. I have suggested that if someone is going to put out, they should at least get paid for their services as does a prostitute. At least be smart enough to walk away with something since she won't get the guy. I do believe it is an insult to a prostitute to compare her to an unpaid wh*re. A prostitute is just doing business and making a buck, a married woman commits adultery is destroying many people. I imagine a prostitute would be insulted at the comparison.

Don't you think if he felt it was "unacceptable" that he would disallow it, Owl? You already know the answer to this one.

If you want to ask some serious questions, ones that make sense, write them out and I will ask him.

No. This would make me laugh. Not much else.

ML,

I asked:



For instance, "cookiedumb" or "cookieduh"? (You didn't do this.)

My question had nothing to do with talking to a WS about the OP. Mine had to do with how we speak to each other. Or are you saying that this is not name calling because you see red flags for SC's mindset, therefore, she's fair game?

As for prostitutes, thank you for clarifying. A lot of prostitutes sleep with married men and get paid for it. What is the difference between men who sleep with OWs for the sex, and prositutes who sleep with married men for the money?

LA

LA, why would she be bothered by that if it weren't true? I sure wouldn't.

I have no established "criterion."


I didn't say anything about it at all.


One is a man and one is a woman. One gets paid and the other doesn't. Not sure what the point of these questions were, but I hope that helps.

Dang! thars some big hair this thread!!

Pep....I didn't know you used Aquanet too!!

Mel....how's that thong chere? I think my butt gettin big!

This may not seem to fit.... My daughter's favorite poem growing up was "If I Were in Charge of the World" by Judith Viorst. I don't remember all of it...but I do remember my favorite line: "A chocolate sundae with whipped cream and nuts would be a vegetable". That's about what it would be like to wish everybody here on MB had the same perspective.

So if I was in charge of MB....weeeeelllll....I'd make a few changes....but I'm not.

I've been down this road before...and so has the majority of the folks on this thread. Let's get on the "learning curve" here shall we? The best anyone can hope for when the big guns start a'shootin' is a "draw". But you know what?....that's okay....because the world is better with everybody in it. A <balance> is just about the best that we can all hope for in a community as diverse as this one. I can live with that.

I sure love pep, mel and LA. And I've probably disagreed with every one of them from time to time...but mostly NOT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. I won't lie....everybody here knows I don't "pertickularly" like "inflamatory" language. My biggest objection is that it's unnecessary for making <most> points....but so what???

So that's me.

I can be <me>....and let everybody else be who they are too....and hope that if it gets real bad....well the folks with real power will step in.

"Rock the Casbah"
"Lock the Casbah"

"Are they saying Stop the cat box?"