HWW,


Did your wife actually read this, and was she willing to discuss it with you? If so, you are fortunate. If I emailed something like that to my wife, she would respond to it with ridicule. I learned early on that there is no way to reason with her, trying to do so only results in frustration.

journeyer,

My wayward wife never specifically responded to the conversation guidelines' email, but our conversations have improved. When we were negotiating something last Sunday, we brainstormed a topic with her participation. Then, I was not enthusiastic about any of the solutions, so we stopped and she seemed to understand.

HWW

I haven't had any communication with or from my wife since Monday, and I'm not going to be able to speak to her again for another week. My withdrawls are severe. I miss my wife.

My wife called my sister and had short superficial chat with her. Why would she do that? It's as though inside my wife's fantasy, my wife is still trying to pull it off. She's still trying to pull together her 'new' family with the OM taking my place.

I almost think I should ask my entire family, all my friends, to not talk to Melissa until she goes NC with the other man. I almost need a family and friends Plan B.

HWW.

My wife called my sister to briefly talk. My sister thinks she's going to call again.

My sister asked me for advice on talking to my WW in keeping with MB. I gave her links to this site, but is there some quick advice I could give her?

I need to go over the importance of NC with my sister.

HWW,

Oh good lord! Unbelieveable. Does your sister have caller ID? If she does, I would have her screen her calls and not answer. She doesn't need to be in the middle of this, and your W needs to understand that she can't have her cake and eat it too. Your sister could also just tell her, "I'm sorry, this is an uncomfortable situation for me and out of respect for HWW I think it would be a good idea for us not to chat for a while."

I'm sorry you are missing your W, HWW. She truly is lost, isn't she? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

KM

Katie,

Yes, very lost, and every time I see her I get to start my withdrawl symptoms all over again. """phew"""

Ok, that's interesting advice on my sister. So, you think my sister should not speak to her much, if at all.

You know, I've previously told my wife that my sister will be the contact between my wife and me post divorce. I told my wife that the only way I will be able to emotionally disconnect from her is to never see or talk to her again post divorce.

So, you wouldn't try to work the NC issue through my sister?

Hmmm... I don't know, HWW. What do others think? The only thing that worries me is that you have depended on your sister for emotional support, and I worry that you will never truly be "free" from the emotional turmoil/withdrawl from you W if you keep getting reports from your sister. If your sister wasn't someone you were close to, I'd reconsider. Does your sister feel like she's in the middle? What does she talk about with your W? And how do YOU feel after hearing that your W has spoken with her?

I would tell your sister to tell your wife that she will no longer talk to her until she stops cheating on you and starts working on her marriage again. At that time, she will be more than welcome back in the family. Then....click.

I love this! I worry too about what WH is going to teach DS3. "be unhappy, it's OK to run".

KatieMae,

Sorry, I was traveling all day yesterday. My younger sister and I are very close. She's great. She's also the individual who will be the contact between myself and my wife during Plan B and D. My sister wants to help. I'm ok with my sister speaking to her. My sister can help me pop the fantasy bubble without LB's from me. I'm sharing the MB philosophy with her. My sister is intelligent. I'm not worried about her saying the wrong things.

My sister is angry at my wife, but tells my wife that she loves her. The recent conversation my sister had with my wife was short and superficial, but she thinks my wife will call her back to talk some more.

Katie, you're correct, I am very attached to my wife. I love hard. I am an addict and my addiction is my wife. Since we are still in the same house together, my withdrawls start up every time I see my wife. I understand what's happening to me now, but with the help of this forum and my family, I'll manage to stick with Plan A.

I'm working with my attorney on Plan B. Because of the children, it's going to be a while. I do not want to loose any rights to primary custody. For me to move out would be detrimental to my custody case. I've even suspended my job search outside the region because of custody.

My wife has a strong conversation need. I have told my sister that my #1 priority is NC with the OM. Until that happens, I can not begin to recover my marriage. My sister understands the concept.

Kiliki, I look for good opportunities to teach my kids lessons everyday. It gives me strength and alows me to endure. I don't know how I would get through this without prayer.

Yesterday, I was in the Seattle airport. A woman and a young boy sat at the gate near my son and me. As I walked back to our seat, I watched the woman hug her son and tears were rolling down her check. I sat down a couple of seats away.

I could tell the woman was suffering. She was sad and scared. Because of what I've been going through, I knew she was a separated mom sending her son off to see his father. Somehow, I knew. So, I gently touched her arm and asked, 'is everthing alright. Is there anything I can do?'

With tears in her eyes she turned to me and told me her story. Her divorce was going to be final July 6 and she was saying goodbye to her son for two months. She was in such a rush and so distraught that she didn't bring enough money to get out of the parking lot. So, she was thinking she would have to ask or beg someone for a little extra cash. I handed her a $20 while my son watched.

The woman's suffering lifted a bit and her son came over and talked to my son. She was still very sad, but she talked and talked to me for 30 minutes until we had to board the plane.

My son and I were having a little trouble talking to each other up until that point, but on the plane he snuggled with me. Everyday comes an opportunity and with breathless expectancy, I look forward to each.

I'm definitely thinking about this as an option.

The main goal here is NC with the OM. I'm just not sure.

My week without the wife is over; she's home. As time goes by, Plan A gets harder and harder. With dread, I know I will have to begin withdrawls again. I am now starting month four.

Some of our best friends invited us to a small dinner party. They said, 'we like you both; we want to be neutral; it's difficult to invite one without the other.' Does anyone think that I should go to the dinner party if my wife goes also? How should I handle this?

When do BS stop wearing their wedding rings? My wife stopped wearing hers around D Day.

HWW

bump

When and if you are divorced. You have been courageous to fight for your M to this point. Why not stick it out until the bitter end if that happens.


I would go wherever I wanted when I wanted without worrying about WW's intentions to go or no and I would (even if I had to fake it) have a blast.

I spoke to my attorney today. We're starting to push harder for a separation.

Hang in there HWW. Remember to get a lot of what you are looking for in the LSA as a lot of courts like the status quo when it comes to the final court dates.

I assume that you are going for primary custody if not SOLE custody and child support, exclusive use of family home, no one not married or kin to the children on overnight visits, OM not around children, alimony/spousal support, etc

I'm going to try to get everything I can, but my state is a 'no-fault' state. I've got a very good female attorney on my side.

HWW

You know, at the end of three months, after following a pretty solid Plan A, after enduring hours of humiliating angry outbursts without returning any outburst or judgement (I've only made one consistent demand: NC with the OM), after making large personal changes in myself (as much as I can in three months); you would think I would see at least a little waffle. I have not seen my wife pull back at all whatsoever. I took my wedding ring off yesterday.

Dr. Harley is correct, when you follow his Plan A Plan B, you eventually fall out of love. I can definitely see this happening to me.