Knitgirl, I do much much better when I don't see her. I think of her and it's empty for sure, but seeing her go out looking great is so painful. I'd rather have the emptiness frankly. I'm really looking forward to Plan B myself.

I'm disappointed in my attorney. I rather hoped I'd hear more on the divorce's next steps. We're supposed to go into mediation, which I don't expect to solve much. But, then we get in front of a judge and have him start making the hard decisions. Who's going to have physical custody and who's going to move out.



HWW

HWW,

Maybe you're right. It's probably better not to see them, but this withdrawl is agony. At least you have kids. I'm in a big house alone, so I go nuts sometimes. Have you talked with the Harleys at all?? I had my first session with Jennifer, and ahe advised me to take a little different approach than I would have done, so hopefully something will happen.

The thing is, you don't have to choose the same type of demographic. Sure you may be divorced (and maybe not) but you can choose who you associate with. There are some very GOOD divorced people out there. There are some on this board. Not all of them have discarded their morals and are letting it all hang loose. The moral climate is definitely different these days but you can choose not to be a part of that.

Don't think about the future, just concentrate on today and CHOOSE to be a decent, moral, stand-up guy.

Oh Knit, you are right about being by yourself. When the kids are gone, that's when it's the worst. I hope you get up and go shopping. I'm not a shopper, but if I can think of one little thing to go buy, I'll do it just to stay moving when I'm by myself.

Chatting here is also helpful, especially when everyone is on-line together at the sametime.

No, I haven't spoken to the Harleys. I feel like there isn't much they can do right now. My wife is full speed ahead for the divorce and the pursuit of the OM. Until that breaks, I don't know what the Harleys can do.

What was the different approach that Jennifer suggested?

HWW

I had done a poor job of Plan B. I don't have caller ID at work, so I answered. The letter p***** him off, he said it was a Dear John, blahblah. Really lashed out at me.

Anyway, he travels 100%, so Jennifer recommended that I do one more letter before going dark. She said explain how we can can have a life of caring, protecting etc. You know, all of the MB stuff. Then list out ideas of how we can spend everyday together. She felt that from what I told her, he was trying to end it but couldn't seem to (OP left some threatening VMs that I heard, so I know he tried). Anyway, she said that if he didn't respond to the letter, then we talk about Plan B. She was just comforting to talk to, which sometimes you need. I was a basket case this week, so it was good to talk to someone that helped me get a better plan. Worth the $185. She also helped me compose the letter.

Knitgirl, I'm really glad Jennifer was so much help. Yep, the money is nothing compared to the pain and suffering. I think MB has it right, but in my case, my wife is way too far gone. Take solice, because there's no hope for me. I'm starting month five and my WW is out driving around with the OM in broad daylight. My sister and my niece saw them today and snapped some pictures. They rolled down their window and confronted them. It wasn't pretty.

What does everyone tell us . . hang in there? I can tell from your post that you're like me. We're both 'hanging in there', but we're ready for some relief. Knitgirl, you need to remember that I envy you. At least you're in Plan B. I wish I was there. Trust me, I'm still co-habitating with my WW and IT IS AWFUL!!!

You may feel lonely, but come here and talk. I'll be happy to tell you how lucky you are! I can't wait until I can get to Plan B. I can't wait until I get my wife out of the house.

HWW

Well, the wife's affair was photographed today. She was confronted by my sister and my niece. My niece had her camera phone with her and took pictures. My sister said 'hello' to them and caught them off guard. My wife nearly jumped out of her seat.

Later I called my wife and asked, 'where are the children'. She hung up on me.

Question is, in keeping with the tsunami of truth, what should my niece do with the camera phone pictures?

They asked if they could post them on MySpace where everyone could see them.

Why certainly...your neice can do whatever she likes with her pictures.

It's best if you don't "advise" her of what to do and/or tell her to post them and email them around to family members just in case you end up in court as WW's attorney could question you about it during his/her anticipated attempt to portray you as a vindictive betrayed husband that is only in court fighting for custody in an attempt to punish your wife versus the best interest of the kids. (that is one loooooong sentence).

Stay calm...enjoy your summer as best you can with your kids. They will be grown up before you know it and whichever way your marriage goes (recovery or divorce) it's going to be a tumultuous couple of years for your family regardless. They NEED you to be their strength and you will end up feeling pretty good about yourself, again regardless, if you assume that family figurehead position to the best of your ability.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

a suggestion

Cedar Pointe?????

Because your children are a bit older and could, individually, play a big part in any custody dispute (as in they get to give their preferences). You've got to counter-balance WW's "friendly" "reborn teenager fun" style of parenting with some good ole fashion family fun. A trip to Cedar Pointe...without the wife (though in Plan A she should be invited)...is in order.

Mr. Wondering

Plan A died this morning. I had had enough, but I was calm. I told my wife let's get the divorce going. I told my wife I'm going to do everything I can to get custody and keep the kids away from her and her scandalous behavior. I told my wife to move out. I told her she was an adult adolescent. I told her that her affair with the OM was a teenage crush and she needed help. I told her to get out again. I told her the whole community was talking about her because her behavior was so outrageous. I told my wife the only reason she hadn't moved out was because the OM wouldn't let her move in.

I sick of this.

Okay Help...if you are truly through trying to save your M then its WAR time.

Get with your attorney and get the paperwork filed first, asking for sole custody (you can always negotiate joint legal and primary placement), allege adultery, name OM, get depositions started, serve those to be deposed including any enabling friends of WW and OM, document everything regarding finances, child rearing, rasing, meeting needs, past and present. Get it written that OM is not to be near children, ask for state guidelines on child support. If she makes more than you then ask for rehabilitative alimony.

Do not argue with her, talk with her about D, argue in front of the children, if she tries then tell her your attorney handles D, you only discuss marriage reconciliation.

This is a battle with a WW not your W, remember that.

hopeandpray,

My wife has already filed on me. We hit my wife with a financial status quo mutual restraining order. Next step is mediation. Then we get to see the judge.

Plan A is dead. Don't see anyway to revive it either. It's really ugly. The main thing is to get the wife out of the house, and get as much custody as possible. What a nightmare.

Mr.W. Good suggestion, I'm trying to figure out how and when. Kids go to camp this weekend. I may have to wait until their back because of all the other things going on.

HWW

Hi,

Thought I would give y'all an update. The wife and I are still living together; it's agony. As you know, I've been a SAHD working part-time out of the house. My wife is in an affair with her boss and has sued me for divorce. I've worked hard to end the affair, but the affair keeps on going strong.

I don't know where my Plan A is anymore. I have to admit I've lost faith in MB principals. I've stopped talking to my wife. It does no good. She's a ******. I'm amazed I've been married to such a horrible human being for so long. My kids routinely take her side and my relationship with my son is at rock bottom. My wife has done a good job on them.

So, I've had some great interviews and I'm excited about some of my out of state opportunities. I've talked it over with my attorney, and if I get a acceptable offer: I'm gone.

I'm starting my fifth month. Emotionally, I've come a long way. I've certainly lost my love for my wife. She's a w***e in my opinion and she can go to he**.

What about your kids? Are you going to leave them with her? They don't stand a chance in life if that's the case.

HWW,

You have been way overdue for Plan B. Maybe getting a job will get you out of there, but my concern is for your kids. I agree that leaving them with her is not the best for them. Is there any way that you can get her OUT?

No way to get her out, and as soon as I leave the house, she wins. My options are terrible, because Michigan's economy is so terrible. It's probably hard for many of you to understand how bad the economy is in Michigan, but we've been in a one state recession for seven years. I've had numerous interviews, but not a single one in Michigan.

The way they compute child support and alimony leaves me with insufficient funds to afford our current house. There's no penalty for infidelity. I'd have to sell the house and move into a smaller place no matter what. So, I'd move the kids anyway, and the kids would hate me for moving them into a smaller house farther away from their friends. No, the kids have been bribed by their mother. She has the very good paying job in Michigan, so she can afford the house and give them what they need; stability.

I need to get my self back in the career game, in a good location, with a good opportunity. At that point, I'll ask the judge for custody.

No offense, but you have no clue what you are doing. Moving will likely hurt any custody battle. You won't be able to move your children out of the state, and probably would lose out if you moved to a different city. Document when your WW is abusive to you. Carry a digital recorder and get her on tape being verbally abusive. If you lawyer does nothing, get another lawyer. Who cares whether your children are mad at you for moving? Tough, you need to provide an example and some tough love. When they complain you say it is your WW's fault for breaking up the family, not yours. If your WW has to be pay child suppor AND alimony, she'll likely have trouble affording the house as well. Maybe seeing her kids upset about moving out of their house might snap her out of the fog a little bit. You are those kids' only hope. Otherwise, who knows how they'll turn out with your WW running the show.

Also, it sounds like your lawyer is pretty soft. I might look into changing counsel. Do you know anyone else who got divorced? Maybe you can call a non-divorce lawyer and they might give you a good recommendation. A good lawyer would discuss a strategy to get her out of the house. He doesn't even sound like he talks to you much.