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Joined: Nov 2004
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Mr & Mrs OnlyUCan,

I am sorry that I replied directly to Melodylane on your thread. I won't do so again.

MB is full of supportive people who have lived in your shoes. People who are friends of your marriage.

I hope both of you will choose to continue to post here.

LA

Joined: Jan 2007
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LA and OUC,

I hate to ^bump^ without at least saying something encouraging.

So I am.

I've learned from both of you but I'm concerned about OUC. Please post.

Ace

Joined: Nov 2002
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I'm not upset at all about the post in my thread. I totally understand where both of you were coming from and appreciate all the input that has been given to me. Everyone has their own opinion and they are entitled to share from their experience. This allows all of us to learn from each other.

I'm just ashamed that I am still in this relationship after all this time and that the same things are happening to me. It's humilitating.


BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36

6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
Joined: Jan 2001
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OUC,

Need to get you past your shame and into some personal recovery. How can we help? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

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I feel paralyzed....filled with guilt. From the outside looking in or if I were giving advice to others, I get it. But for myself, I'm completely numb.


BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36

6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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OUC,

Thank you for coming back and sharing. Shame stifles our lives. You're not crazy to feel filled with guilt. You're not nuts to be where you are right now.

You are where you are right now. Took thousands of choices to bring you here to this moment...and every choice from this moment onward remains yours.

Would you please consider regular posting here, reading a lot of books, and Alanon?

You are NOT a bad mother, wife, daughter or messed up human being. Your WH's choices are his own...and not about you, 'k?

LA

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I thought we were past all this. I threw away all the books I had, they were depressing and reminding me of what I thought was the past. It's really a sick sick feeling having to do this all over again. I told him tonight that I have had it with him. So he left...he's been gone for about 4 hours, another form of punishment, I suppose. Thanks for asking me to come back. It's hard to be here, but at the same time, I've appreciated the support over the years immensely.


BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36

6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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OUC,

You should never be ashamed of trying to help your M. You have a stubborn azz as a spouse and right now you need to strengthen yourself.

Please go get the books you know will help you get back in control.

This is so his 'punishment' will not hurt you as much. This will pizz the WS in him but if you have that teflon MB coat, it will slide off and whack him back in his face. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Joined: Apr 2001
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Quote
I thought we were past all this. I threw away all the books I had, they were depressing and reminding me of what I thought was the past. It's really a sick sick feeling having to do this all over again. I told him tonight that I have had it with him. So he left...he's been gone for about 4 hours, another form of punishment, I suppose. Thanks for asking me to come back. It's hard to be here, but at the same time, I've appreciated the support over the years immensely.

OUC, thanks for coming back. Please consider what I said to you in my earlier posts, it would be insane to believe that you can change him and to choose to live with abuse. You must ask yourself WHY you choose to live like this. He will not change unless he chooses to do so, and you do not have the power to effect that change. This is not a marital problem that MB is equipped to address, but rather a personal problem of your husbands.

Your mission is to a) accept him how he is and b) come to accept that you cannot change him and c) make a decision to either live with his ABUSE or NOT. Only you know if you can live with abuse, but if you do choose to stay, you will have VOLUNTEERED for it. You will no longer be a victim and can no longer complain when you are abused.

So, I will ask you what I asked before, why do you choose to live like this, onlyucan?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101



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