Oh for cry'n out loud Jo, one of the above would have sufficed. I'm old, but not that old.

PS. you wore flowers in your hair in the sixties, didn't ya, Jo? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Picalolo? Hooch?

Too funny!

You forgot grass, though.

Pacalolo - Pronunciation: PACA (like CACA) -- LOW LOW

PACA-LOWLOW

Okaaaaay. I got it, I got it.

OMG LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Always happy to help out, esp if its one of my fav Weavers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Jo!

I'm going to think of you now every time I watch Cheech & Chong's "Up in Smoke".

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well thats fine, cept I don't indulge. Nor do I sport dredlocks.

But I do like those two Jamaican jelly fish in "A Shark's Tale".

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

MEDC,

This is not the only time here I've gotten conflicting advice. In the end, I'm the one who is making the decisions. You seem to expect everyone you give advice to to automatically follow it without doing any thinking of their own. If you want people to follow your advice, you have to be more persuasive. In order to be more persuasive you have to LISTEN. The most persuasive people on these boards are not the ones who agree with me but the ones who have good listening skills.


Mrs.W,


Assuming I have enough information to find them without contacting my past OMs, yes.


They are one and the same. Don't you remember me saying we'll be together when he gets a new job?

Owl,

When I gave a slight hint, he made it absolutely clear to me that he does not want to know right now. This decision is based on what I know about my husband, someone you've never met.

Katie_Mae,

I have addressed this before. Larry has already posted saying he knows my real name and I'm definitely not a troll. And if you call everyone a troll who says things you don't like, you'll run an awful lot of people off the boards who might need help.

Actually Aph... I have made a career out of listening and your words and lacf of action point to a woman that is ***. you have your head so ************that you can't hear or see the truth.

medc,

Oh! You're a shrink! That explains it.

Aph - I THINK MEDC's a retired cop. THAT alone should be explination enough. Their God complex is about as big as a doctor's.

And their supposedly "cute" little banter has no place on your thread, IMO. What purpose does it serve, really??

My H and I didn't tell my MM's BW about the affair. In the end it didn't matter, they divorced soon after anyway. He's now married to some woman he talked into divorcing her H for him. His life is not my concern. My H is. If that pisses off people here who feel telling is the ONLY way to go, well thank God they won't be the ones judging me at the pearly gates.

Aph-

You said:

You're right, I've never met him.

So, based off his response to your "slight hint'...you've decided not to tell him???

Give me a break. I'm generally as mellow as people come on this board...but I've got to say that you are NOWHERE NEAR being a "former" anything. "Slight hints" mean bull doody, and YOU KNOW IT! Once again, this is just you RATIONALIZING AND JUSTIFYING doing what you want...not what's right for anyone else.

Congratulations...I think you've made the top of the list of "most self centered posters" that I've ever seen. You've got all the answers...all the plans. I have absolutely no idea why you post here...you're not seeking help, you're not seeking advice. I really am beginning to suspect that you're a troll who is only here for the emotional drama she can generate. Why else would you come to a 'marriage building' site, admit to multiple affairs, and then continue to blow off any advice or recommendations being given to help you recover your marriage?

If you're not a troll, then I'd heartily suggest that you take some time to give some SERIOUS thought to what you really want from this site and the people posting advice to you.

I'll no longer post to your thread. Either you ARE a troll, and as such a complete waste of time and energy. Or, you're a completely non-repentent wayward wife here to justify her actions, and no intent to truly take ownership of her actions or the recovery her husband and marriage so desperately need...making posting to you a complete waste of time and energy for as long as you maintain your current mindset.

Good luck.

FCF... do you realize that the people on this board laugh at you daily. YOu are a big wind bag.

Okay Aph, I'm going to challenge this. Since you state Larry knows your "real name", using that as your proof you're not a troll. I'd like to know how he knows your "real name".

Is it from you posting on another board and its a "real name" you gave him virtually which you claim is yours but there's no way to verify? Or, do you two actually know each other in REAL LIFE?

Jo

MTA: I'm asking this question only because we have several seasoned posters who are spending their very valuable time supporting you where if you are indeed a fraud their time could be better spent helping people who really need it.

There is a difference in waywards who have a one time affair which is completely out of character and something they fell into because of poor boundaries, like Mrs. W, KYjelly and the other one time affairees.

The other kind is the kind who have character issues, like Aph. I believe for this type of person to completely change their colors, their entire belief and value system to become a person of integrity and who truly gives a rats [censored] about others, is a whole lot of pain.

"the pain of change must be less then the pain of staying the same"

It usually takes great loss to get to this bottom.

It is why the saying "God takes one to the desert and puts him on his knees so that he may finally hear".

Also why I posted about Pinocchio and what it took for him to become a "real" little boy. It took a lot of lessons and pain.

This is why I don't normally bother talking to active liars, it is too hard to tell which kind they are. I gave Aph the benefit of the doubt, but the doubt was big nontheless.

She'll change when someone hurts her the way she has hurt others. And even then, maybe not.

I thought she was a unique and rare case of someone really wanting to become a good person, without having to be brought to their knees by the weight of what they have done first.

And still, time will tell.

If his [OM] life is not your concern, then I'm perplexed as to why you still know so much about it?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

familycomesfirst,

LOL! Yeah cops are even worse than shrinks at listening. They automatically assume everyone's lying to them.

Owl,


No, I decided timing is everything. Of course, you'd know this if you were actually listening because I've only said it half a dozen times. I do plan to tell him when we can be together, which will be after he gets a new job. He can't handle more than one problem at a time. His trouble finding a job as soon as he'd like is very ego-deflating. He doesn't need more problems on top of that to deal with, and he told me that. Besides which, telling him long distance is so obviously a bad idea I am amazed that anyone would suggest it.


Would it have been better if I hadn't admitted to multiple affairs and instead lied and said it was only one?

Actually, there are posters who agree with my decision. I can't help it if you all disagree on what advice to give me. I also have friends who have talked to their own counselors and have come back and said don't tell him till he gets the job. Advice is not something you should blindly follow, especially when you are getting contradictory advice from different sources.

That's your prerogative. But I think the real problem is that you are getting your ego in a bunch. You are upset that I am following someone else's advice instead of yours.

Resilient,

When he decided to leave the other board, he gave me his email address. My email program happens to include my real, full name in the headers. I have a bit of an online presence, so if he really wanted to he could google me and find out all sorts of things, including one of my husband's email addresses, I'm sure.

weaver,

My character outside the realm of sexual decisions is actually very good. I even run a small, charitable organization. Within the realm, I'm too impulsive, compulsive and until recently failed to see the big picture. The big picture is that not only was I being selfish, but self-defeating as well. I didn't believe that secret sex with others would affect non-sexual aspects of my marriage.

I really miss what I used to have with my husband. And even though the sex was good, it still didn't get me what I originally wanted which was a good sex life WITH MY HUSBAND. So now I've not only failed to solve the original problem but I created additional ones as well. I don't have to wait until someone hurts me to change because I've already hurt myself.

Than good for you Aph, you are one of the lucky ones. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I was once a very, very self-centered person in a lot of ways and not so much in others, but after I realized that I had caused great pain to someone, it dang near killed me. It still bothers me and this was a little girl I had in my class in elementary school. I was mean to her and I swear it still eats me up.

All attacks on another are attacks on ourself. We live with the pain we caused others.

There will come a day that you feel so bad about what you have done to those OM's wives, as well as to your BH, that it will eat you alive. And this is where self-forgiveness and retribution comes into play.

When you truly get it, when you truly have changed, you will never question what you need to do again. You won't have any choice.

This is why most on here are so adament that one cannot have changed if they are not fully disclosing to those they have hurt.

Again, let us not forget that the poster matters too...sigh...There were "jokes" made on my original "thread of fog" here...that's the cost of admission 'round these parts sometimes...*shrug*


And their divorce is no concern of yours of course FCF...No fault belongs to you, eh? GOOD GRIEF!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Wow, and to think that exposure to OMW could not only have saved his marriage, but another one too...Still no responsiblity of yours though I guess...UN'FREAKIN'BELIEVABLE...


And I agree with Resilient here...How come you know so much about the life of a man that is of no concern to you? No contact includes not digging for life details of OM yanno... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


Mrs. W

I'm interested to understand the rationale that throwing insults at people is a useful, generous way to help them to learn.

I have rarely come across any situation where labelling another person and calling them names has produced any result except anger and entrenchment.

Perhaps those who use this technique could tell me how successful it has been in their own lives. And whether, at present, they are still in a functional marriage?

TA