Mrs. W,


There's no way of knowing that for sure. He could have chosen to continue his path in spite of the exposure. Ultimately, he's responsible for his own choices whether someone chooses to expose his lies or not. I chose to quit without either exposure or the threat of being exposed, so obviously exposure by others is not necessary for someone to quit. It may make it easier, yeah, but it's not necessary. The fact that he has not changed is all on him, not fcf.

TA,


LOL! Isn't that the truth! I know I am much more likely to respond to rational arguments, especially when coming from someone I already respect.

ME ME ME

I *thought* this was supposed to be about your betrayed husband, the victim of your adulterous serial cheating.

No matter how we try, you continue to place the focus back on YOU.

And, I'm always astounded how you have ALL the answers Aph. Must be nice to know everything.

Now THIS is rich.

A serial adulteror defending statements from a questionable F-WS.

If that's what you'd like to believe MrsW, knock yourself out. I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you. I am 6 years into recovery and have had two additions to my family since Dday. We recently had our 11th wedding anniversary. That is what matters to me, my family. I might have lost my way back then, but that is water under the bridge for me. xMM's life is his life.

Oh, I will say that I know this info because he sent me an email apologizing for almost causing my M to end. He said looking back it was a selfish act and feels bad. He had a bad accident and was almost killed and he felt like it was karma. He then updated me on his new marriage. I never responded, but it was hard not to at least peak at what he had to say. I guess he felt it was okay to break up her M because he claims he rescued her from an abusive M and they had no kids. I wouldn't doubt it if he eventually cheats on her, but that is their business.

Because I didn't do everything to the letter that MB promotes I'm a "questionable" FWS? ****EDIT****

Written by FcF regarding her OM:


and then ...


Heck of a guy. Loads of integrity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And BTW: Did you tell your husband he emailed you and you read it?

As a matter of fact, I am an equestrian! Good guess.

Aph - question for you. Did your parents have a good R? Mine did not. I was part of the problem for a long time because I wouldn't let him in. I haven't had good male role models in my life, I usually expect those close to me to let me down. It took the A and seeing how my H stuck by me for me to finally wake up and realize I had a good man and that if I continued down the path I was on, I would seriously F myself up. Try not to focus on your H's negatives. He might be sensing something "off" about you and that is making him testy. I know my H and I fought the most during my A, he could sense something wasn't right.

I also understand about the timing issue. Right after I told my H about the A he was laid off from his job of 9 years. He became very depressed and he would sleep all day. It was hard, he had no energy to go look for another job. A friend of his helped him land a really good job, thank God! That helped his confidence tremendously. I also plan A'd him, even though that's a BS thing, it's good for the marriage. I also confessed to his parents about what I had done, that also made him feel better.

I didn't say I agreed with his reasoning for breaking up their M, did I? I don't think he's a great guy at all.

And no I didn't tell him, he flips out at the mention of MM. Go ahead and bash me for that, I really don't care.

For a group of people who find Aph and I SOOOO questionable, you sure like posting to us!! I know you LOVE having the opportunity to pick apart our every action.

I was going to not respond to you, because I do care how others feel and don't feel like getting into a spitting contest, but your sig line pretty much pegs you as someone with a chip on their shoulder, just so you know. That is how I viewed it anyway.

I do love big words (little words, medium size words). I just ordered a CD program that will help me increase my vocabulary and help me to be able to converse with people better educated than I.

A lot of people on here are writers (doctors and cops too I would guess... BTW you offended two groups of people with that little DJ). Words are very important to writers, I would imagine.

You may benefit by learning about DJ's yourself, as well as doing something about that little chip you got on your shoulder.

And there it is folks...FCF is no FWW at all, plain ole garden variety WS...Wayward is as wayward does...

Great one to take "lessons" from Aph...Your choice, of course...

Mrs. W

FCF...You do realize how very contradictory the two above statements from you are, right? A recovered marriage includes RADICAL HONESTY and your marriage does NOT, in fact, have that-without that you don't have INTIMACY...You BETRAYED your husband all over again by reading that email from the OM and you continue to betray him by keeping him in the dark about that fact...I feel immensely sorry for your BH...Bless his heart...

Mrs. W

Like I said, those who want to pick me apart because I don't follow MB guidelines to the T are wasting their time. It is not a one size fits all mold, despite your protests to the contrary. My H wanted to KILL the OM. I did what I felt was best in MY situation, your opinion on it really amounts to a hill of beans in my mind.

My H does not need your sympathy, thank you.

*********EDIT********************

Did you at least share this with your H? Or did you hide it? (=perpe2ate the secrecy)


He should have shared this with his W, perhaps as a NC letter after d-day. Not now.


Yes, that was me, in my karma, running over his dogma.


And you shared this info with your H? Or kept it your little intimate secret?


But if you could have put a damper on his philandering by simply being truthful, why wouldn't you? Exposure isn't a revenge tactic, it's simply the right thing 2 do.

-ol' 2long

That's the real issue here isn't it? You guys feel I don't grovel enough and ***EDIT***so I'm not repentive enough in your eyes. I usually do nothing but post to BS's here, in a supportive manner. I decided to post to Aph's thread because I saw her getting treated the way a lot of WS's who come here do. She's being called a troll, a*****EDIT****, told she has no integrity or morals, ad nausea.

I know tough love can be helpful... but some of this makes me wonder. The "tag team lets get the evil WS's beat down" mentality here is disturbing, IMO.

Wow. That may well be the meanest thing I've ever seen on this web site. Wow.

FcF,

Don't you think keeping secrets from your spouse is wrong?

Don't you think it will eventually deteriorate your marriage?

Don't you think a marriage built on complete openness and honesty is the best plan for a marriage that was almost destroyed by lies?

I can't imagine you didn't promise your husband that you would tell him if there was contact from the OM.

I would be willing to bet that at least 90% of the BHs on here felt like they wanted to harm the other men in their sitch. So you, your husband and your situation really are not that different despite your protests you are.

Jo

This wonderful truth from Weaver bears repeating.

This has NOTHING to do with "picking YOU apart" and EVERYTHING to do with defending MB principles and your poor BH from his ACTIVE WW-I'd say whatever I had to to try and wake you up and spare him another moment's pain...Dr. Harley says that this is a very NARROW path, so yes, that DOES mean that it IS a "one size fits all mold"...NC means NC and BETRAYAL is BETRAYAL...I realize that no one's opinion matters to you, an ACTIVE WS, EXCEPT your own...Certainly not your BH's and that is what is so sick, twisted wrong and sad...


Sadly, he does need it and he does have it...


The better question is why are YOU here? If you don't believe in or follow MB principles, what is YOUR purpose here?

And yes, my dad did just die yesterday...I am devastated...I'm dealing with my grief the best way that I suppose anyone can, crying off and on, praying and trying to keep busy in between until it is time for me to leave for Atlanta...That was a very uncalled for thing for you to point out, but I do realize that the pain of others means nothing to active WSs-I didn't even have to make that point, you proved it quite nicely on your own...Wow, you are really a piece of work...God Bless your poor BH and children...

Mrs. W

FCF:

When my dad passed away 2 years ago, I posted a thread here almost immediately upon learning the news. My kids and my W had just gone out of town that morning, so I had the big house all 2 myself.

Some of my MB friends quoted poems about pilots that my sisters and I used at the memorial service. My MB friends pulled me through a difficult time that day.


Mrs W, I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you. Please take care.

-ol' 2long