Are there any of your XH/XW's who have chosen the OP over their M and are living happily ever after? Is the grass really greener?

Is the grass really greener?

Have you read anything here???

My WH has chosen the OW over our M. He told me awile ago that this year has been a year of no conflict for him. Guess he means no nagging wife and kids, just happiness with OW.

I have read here that most A's don't last. His has lasted over a year already, they've been living together all that time. Guess the grass is greener for him and he'll be in that 3% bracket where the A's last.

Well my XH chose fence-sitting rather than reconciliation, so I chose divorce. It wasn't an affair - we were separated, but I tried before the D to patch things up, and he wouldn't commit. He was doing some bizarre things financially and otherwise, so I did what I had to do to protect myself.

She moved here with him, she moved back home and he's planning a vacation to visit her.

I had a R post-M too - and that grass was NOT greener either. That's why I'm here - to fix myself and if it's at all possible, to repair my marriage, post divorce.

My grass wasn't greener, and from what I've seen of XH's R, it wasn't greener there either.

I see that now, but I don't know if he does - or ever will. That's what I'm trying to find out. In fact I tried to get together with him to talk about things tonight and put my feelings out there - and I couldn't reach him to get together...

The grass is only greener over the septic tank - Erma Bombeck

JinGA

Lol, I know, but I was just asking.

Is it possible? I guess. Not likely.
Unfortunately, I can use my own mother as an example here.
She engaged in an affair with a younger man who promised her the world while my father (a career Navy officer) was assigned to a ship.
She moved out, left my older brother and I to essentially fend for ourselves (I was in high school and he was about 20 or so)--it was tough, but we both had jobs and made do as best we could.
That was in 1983.
She is still with the OM, ruined many relationships, burned many bridges, causing so much devastation and pain.
I can tell you that they are both miserable, neither can stand the other, and I have no doubt the OM has had several affairs even after marrying my mother. She, on the other hand, drowns her sorrows in alcohol.
My father, after almost losing himself to alcoholism in his pain, remarried and today is a happy, doting grandfather. Ironically, all those things the OM promised my mother, my father has and is leading a life of joy. He is so deserving.
My mother has almost no relations with any of my 3 siblings, it's so sad. I will not trust her to care for my own children, and I have seen her perhaps 5 or 6 times in the last year--she lives in my same town.
I am sorry to say that the one thing I carry with me to this day from growing up is that I trust no one completely, not even my wife who I love dearly.
I am glad that my father followed the Lord and he carries this happiness with him every day.
As to my mother, I only have pity for a life squandered.

I don't wish ill upon my WW, as much as I know that statistically I have a better chance of being hit by a flying cow as she does living happily ever after with Roger Ramjet, LOL.

But seriously, I actually hope she does find what she’s looking for, because my WW is totally lost in the wilderness right now. Moreover, and speaking from a selfish standpoint with the best interests of my kids at heart, if she remarries, I’m going to push for child support, something she can’t do at present time.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm sure there are those out there who marry the affair partner and make it work out. That's certainly possible.

But don't kid yourself. Nobody lives "happily ever after". That's a fantasy. The fact is, we all wake up with bear breath, throw our socks on the floor, and have crabby days.

Even Elvis.

SB

Oh no!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> There goes MY fantasy. (JK! I did grow up in Memphis though... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />)

We once used a graffito (a single item written on a wall of graffiti which is the plural and actually refers to the entire collection) that I wish I could figure out how to do here. The best I can do is describe it.

We would write out the phrase "The grass IS greener on the other side."

But the phrase was written backwards.

We thought we were clever because we could write backwards, but the meaning is clear.

Mark

My favorite graffiti was this exchange - which was written on the wall in Lubbock, TX

"Is there intelligent life on Earth?"

I couldn't resist writing back....

"Yes, but I'm only visiting."

SB

What's that handy and true saying around MB?

Oh yeah...

The grass is always greener where it is watered and tended with care...

period.

Makes either side equal...and what you invest in, will thrive.

Affair partners don't invest, and they don't thrive. Their wayward state of mind continues...

Until it doesn't.

Just like fantasy...can't outlast reality.

Reality wins in the end.

What's that other part...oh, yeah...the side WS's are on turns brown...from the lack of focus, care and commitment...and the WS looks down and says, "See! It's brown!" and the BS's job is to say..."Yes, it is...because you've pi$$'d all over it!"

And I believe, that's what they do in their next marriage, and their next one after that.

LA

P.S. ROFLMAO, Schoolbus...good one! Now...off to jail with you!

Oh Mark! You're TRICKY!

Shes_Great, I personally believe that the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but that's because the yard is covered in do-do. After all, it is [color:"brown"]TURDLAND[/color] over there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

In the course of my first M, my exH engaged in a total of 13 A. If the grass was really greener, one of them would have worked out. He had a total of three "big A" (meaning moving in together, long-ish term), and he broke up with all three of them as soon as there was anything other than "perfect fantasy" in the R; #1 she spent all his money and had none of her own--when he ran out of $$ she left him. IMAGINE THAT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> #2 had four kids under the age of 8yo. The first time he had to stay with the kids alone, he SCREAMED at them and she broke up with him. IMAGINE THAT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> #3 was also bipolar just like he was, and when they were manic together it was a force of nature. But one day they were ANGRY manic and abusive toward each other, and she told him to get the expletive out. IMAGINE THAT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Since the divorce, he's been in several R all with similar endings. Who could have foreseen that being single and free would be less green than being committed with a loving wife and family? Hmmmm.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The grass is definitely [color:"brown"]BROWNER[/color] on the other side of the fence!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hey, I think that one ended up with my XH! Except she dumped him in April but she's still hanging on - I think she still smells money! (And I think she's still getting it).

JinGA

Well...let's see...

Four kids by four different men in 2001. It would appear that she DOES get around!! Maybe it IS the same OW!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Well my XH GF came with 2 baby, 2 baby daddy. My DD is quite sure that there is another baby, another baby daddy, based on conversations with the younger child who talked about her "sisters". From what the child told *me*, she's an aunt. I don't think her mother is biologically old enough to have an older daughter of child-bearing years, so that "niece" must be from a half-sibling by the same father as her (confused yet?) If that boyfriend was much older, he probably had older kids.

I figure when the gravy train is finally done (and XH has been broke for most of the last year, despite a good income and reasonable property settlment/child support arrangement) - the GF will find another sucker. Given the apparent track record, she's good at that. It's been almost 2 years, I'm sure she's close to being done with him, she's probably giving him one last squeeze to see what else she can get.

She lived with him for a year, with her kids, left her kids with him alone for a week at Christmas (family emergency) then went back home for "follow up" for 6 weeks, leaving her kids with XH - then 3 days after she returned, she told him she was moving back home and left 2 weeks later.

Why XH hangs on to this, I have NO idea.

JinGA

What an interesting question....

Hmmmmm.

My first marriage ended in divorce because of XH's A with his mom's best friend. He married a much younger girl weeks after our D was final (not the bf he'd had the A with...) and THAT divorce is imminent now, although they lasted many years.

A friend of mine was the WW who eventually married the OW/WH. They're doing fine, but have NO remorse over their A. They believe that they have TRUE love. Whatever... but they've lasted well over ten years or so and have a thriving happy family. *shrug*

My DH's OW, I fear, is one that WILL cheat again. She still hasn't admitted her other A's to her H. She admitted one to my H (that she still denies to her H) and my H has also discovered another one that OW had. So... serial cheater.

But I will still believe "once a cheater, always a cheater". BUT, he's a reformed cheater. I'll do my best to help him stay that way, and so will he!

My ex-H is married to the OW/now wife. They've been married for 2+ years and I hear thru the grapevine they've recently started seeing a therapist.

I'm no expert, but do you think someone in their "newlywed" years should be seeing a counselor so soon.

NO!

I'm still in my second year of M to my huney, and I am head-over-heels, ecstatically in love with him!! *love sick sigh*

I think seeing a counselor in their "newlywed" years is not a good sign. IMAGINE THAT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Who could have foreseen a commitment that started as an affair that DIDN'T LAST?? hmmm....

Good stories, keep them coming!