Yes that is a long time, but when W left she took apart of me with her. Now the void that was left was rebuilt into the great man that I am today, thanks to MB. (not trying to pat myself on the back) But I feel so good about me!

Well from what she told me there was no OM, do I believe her? Not sure. We are getting a D, she filed on me in Jan. and I just got a decree on June 6. So basically she strung me along for 4 months. She left in Sept. filed a petition in Jan.

Is there some unconscious thought process that WAS's have that make them roughly all say the same thing? Man, what's up with that! From what I see on these boards the reasons are very similar.

Or is that a response to the guilt and they have to convince themselves that it was the LBS's fault?

I was talking with a friend of mine that told me that his W came home one day about two years ago and said that she found someone that she can't pass up. I knew a little bit of the story, but not any details. So they get a D because of the bigger better deal or greener grass. She left Texas to go live on the east coast. Leaving her kids behind to live with the OM. They get there and trouble started shortly after they arrived. He beats her, calls her names and he pushed her through a window. She cut her hand bad and is just now getting back to where she can use it again.

Now fast forward to a week ago, she calls XH to ask him if she can come back home! XH tells her that the kids misses her but she can't come back to live with them again. He told her to come and stay with her mother, but her mother doesn't want her there because of what she did to her XH and children. I guess she's getting the bigger better deal that she just couldn't pass up.

I hate to see things like this happen but where does it end? People leave a happy home for misery.

Just another unsuccess story:

I am the member of another web boards. A few weeks ago a man was posting that his wife had an affair, they were going to separate, they have two small children and a house they will have to sell. OM had called the BH and said that his WW had told him that their marriage was over and that she loves OM.

I replied to the man, telling him about MB and encouraging him to look into plan A, exposure and other MB principles. I don't think he checked MB and a few days ago his wife filed for divorce.

The last I read was that the BH is beginning to understand that the relation with his WW started in very much the same manner. She was cohabiting with a man but started dating the man who was going to be her husband. She told him that her relation with her cohabiter was over. The man says that he refused to sleep with her until she separated from her cohabiter but he still feels guilty since he now realises that the cohabiter probably did not think that their relation was over until she moved out. So he married a cheater and a cheater was what he got. I feel awfully sorry for him though, he is writing about the pain when he has to leave his children with WW knowing that she might bring OM to see them.

Just goes to show ya

[color:"blue"]You can polish a Turd till your arms fall off, but at the end of the day ... its still a Turd.
[/color]

How do you know if it's hopless and not worth trying?

SG

The pain in so intense when I think he is out there with OW, taking the day off and having fun, while I am trying to just make it through the day without dying a little more inside. I have the kids and am raising them, I am worrying about selling the house, figuring out where I need to move next, trying to figure out what his next move and lie will be.

Were we really that bad of spouses to have deserved this?

Words of widsom please.

SG

First off SG...like what i read somewhere...if seeing your marriage is over from your POV, you have the option of laying down an ultimatum,legal seperation or the ultimate.....a divorce. What however in NEVER an option is to have an affair.

Two things will happen.....You would have destroyed emotionally the one person you swore to protect and 2. To get through that extreem guilt, you WILL demonize the offended spouse (BS).

We in our initial reaction will believe ALL that they have said and not realize the facts. We instinctively think that our partner...who always have our back....will level with us and tell the truth.

Not so.

Yes we may have neglected alot of things to our detriment...But the one option that we NEVER contemplate....is ADULTRY.

nobody "deserve" anything. But we will suffer the consequence of our action. SG i guarantee you this.....if not now later....He WILL think about what he has done .....and regret it.

You on the other hand ,consider yourself blessed....to have survived the initial devastation and rise to the situation...you have ,by your action stated..."i will not go down quitely into darkness, i will fight to be better, i will go on,i will protect my kids, i am me and i will never surrender to this devatation called affair.....today.... i celebrate life. and i will live it!

No you dont "deserve " it. God will make it clear to you soon.....maybe a "little" patience is needed to see it.

For me ...plan B has returned a bit of my sanity....but i do miss my wife ....my love.

Bump for all the new people around here, I haven't been on for almost a year. My D was final 9-17-07 XW has been living with OM for about a year now, I haven't seen or talked to her since 9-4-07. I saw her aunt and she told me that XW was not happy, so I guess it was not me that caused her problems!

Good for you to know what was always true...

you are not replaceable...

and that while people contribute to a problem, they aren't one.

Good to remember when you're in this struggle with infidelity, fighting for your marriage or healing from it divorced...

you choosing to know you can at most be half of an issue is really important. Half of the marriage per-A.

None of the A at all.

Thanks for coming back with an update.

LA

Is it too late to add to this? My xFIL was (is) a serial cheater. He left his 1st wife to marry his AP who happened to be the woman next door. She had 2 kids, he had 3. My xH and his new "brother" were the same age. He adopted the 2 kids. He was with this wife for the longest of all his wives - over 10 years. He eventually cheated on her with an OW from work. By this time the kids were grown. He moved in with various OW's without actually marrying them until his current W (who he cheated on one of his previous GF/OWs). They've been together 5 or 6 years and seem happy. But a snake is still a snake and his heart hasn't stopped beating.

I wouldn't say that all is always perfect but my ex has been with ow since october of 2004. so, going on 4 years...

mlhb

There is no time table with this, I know a woman that cheated on her 1st husband 17 years ago. She married the guy that she was cheating with and you know the story. He left her after 17 years of marriage and this ripped her heart out, just like it did her 1st husband. But honestly, what did she expect?

My XW and OM are now married and living with her parents.