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#1926603 08/11/07 01:57 PM
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Would posting to you here on this thread be something that WW would see you think?

LA

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Hi LA -

Quote
Would posting to you here on this thread be something that WW would see you think?

I'm not even sure she reads the forums anymore. I barely do myself (hence the reason I missed this).

What's up?


Formerly known as brokenbird

BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05

Second separation. Working on me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Gosh, now I forgot!!

Great to see you. I'm wondering how you're doing and all that. Guess this will be the only place I can know now.

Did you ever get to that plane museum thingie?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

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Hi LA -

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Great to see you. I'm wondering how you're doing and all that. Guess this will be the only place I can know now.

Given the current situation, I'm doing pretty good. Not much change in the marriage currently. But then, as MrW likes to say, doing nothing changes nothing.

We'll see what the next few weeks brings. I'm asking for one thing at this point in time. Whether MP decides to meet on that is up to her.

Quote
Did you ever get to that plane museum thingie?

Alas, not yet. Might not happen for a while now. Need to get everybody settled and unpacked. Also need to throw out a bunch of stuff that we've been hauling around for years.

Not even sure we'll be staying where we are. Depending on what MP decides (and/or what I decide), keeping our current place may not be fiscally feasible.


Formerly known as brokenbird

BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05

Second separation. Working on me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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HB,

So everyone is together there right now, or is MP still back at the old place (and I'm not speaking metaphorically, really...might work both ways, eh?)?

Isn't it amazing how much we haul around? I think that's one of the components of my biggest hate/fears...which is moving, btw...is all those choices of what to let go and what not to...by inches, it feels to me.

And I have a record of losing something really important each time. Irreplaceable.

I hope to get this moving off my top despised things to do in life, because it is number one, ahead of taxes and death. Unreasonable, I know. While you go through this re-organization, hit me with any tips you come across, 'k?

How do you like having the kids there...what do they think of school? Have I got this correct?

LA

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LA -

Quote
So everyone is together there right now, or is MP still back at the old place (and I'm not speaking metaphorically, really...might work both ways, eh?)?

Yes, everyone is in the same place. As for metaphors...no comment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Quote
Isn't it amazing how much we haul around?

Getting rid of our junk has been on MP and mine's to-do list for years now. The move was a prime opportunity to do that...didn't happen. I'm determined to "streamline" as quickly as possilbe - especially since we may wind up in a different (and smaller) location(s) than we are currently.

Quote
While you go through this re-organization, hit me with any tips you come across, 'k?

The only one I can offer, which I'm terrible about doing myself, is what my mom used to do. Go through drawers and boxes every 6 months - if you find something you haven't used in the last 6 months, chances are good you don't need and can toss it.

Quote
How do you like having the kids there...what do they think of school? Have I got this correct?

It's good to be reunited with the kids after 3 months. Lots of things I need to do in that area, as I'm realizing the impact my past behaviors (particularly anger) have impacted them both. I also will be getting more involved with DS, since I realize I've been doing a sort of hands-off parenting approach with him - and given that he's 13, this is not the time for me to be hands-off. Maybe when he's 53 or 63 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

They're not in school yet - should start this week. Schools here require a state ID or license to prove residency, and neither MP nor I had one (she does now, I will shortly).


Formerly known as brokenbird

BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05

Second separation. Working on me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
L
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L
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
HB,

Thank you for the fill-in.

I don't think it's unusual for fathers to be more hands off with their sons...seems like the first part of their lives, mothers have the most influence...see, food source wins.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Then, around 11, 12 or 13, the father to son thing begins and the influence is greater than with the mothers for awhile. Both equally necessary, one especially influential.

Great timing, HB. Sincerely.

One thing I do know...my DH didn't feel he had influence on his sons...so he didn't take his own actions/choices seriously. Choose to believe you're vital, influential in your son's life...what could be the downside?

I understand the going through stuff every six months, and the six-month rule. I think it's reasonable. Only thing...when I have done this...during my purging sprees...three weeks later to the minute of that act of tossing...I need the darn thing.

And I do have stuff only needed once every couple of years. I gotta get the mindset it's okay to buy it or not need it, one or the other.

We got rid of a lot of furniture since the first of the year. That's something. Less places to store stuff inside our stuff. I figure I'll do George Carlin's theory backwards.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Are you getting any RC time in the new town together? I'm thinking all the cheap stuff you figured out how to do...which means you get ready-made-value from it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

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Hi LA -

Quote
One thing I do know...my DH didn't feel he had influence on his sons...so he didn't take his own actions/choices seriously. Choose to believe you're vital, influential in your son's life...what could be the downside?

No downside at all. It's something that I'm just admitting to myself - the various ways in which I've failed DS. We had a talk the other night and I shared some of what I'm dealing with, and where I hope to go, and some of the things I hope to accomplish with him (in terms of our relationship). It's a starting point.

Getting ahold of, and keeping control of, my anger is key. That, coupled with realizing that he's 13, not 5, and his way is not necessarily my way (nor should it be). Lots of opportunity here - if I take it.

As far as stuff goes, I have no problem having the occasional use stuff (like Christmas decorations). I want to get rid of the old electronics (cellphones, computer components), outgrown kids toys, and general junk that we've managed to accumulate in the last 6 years.

Quote
Are you getting any RC time in the new town together? I'm thinking all the cheap stuff you figured out how to do...which means you get ready-made-value from it.

RC time? Remote control? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nope. Not really. To be honest, I haven't even tried. Any RC time we have will most likely be at my initiation, and after 2 years of dealing with essentially the same old, same old, the motivation and energy is just not there.

I've made my request to MP. She knows what I want from her. Beyond that, it's out of my control. She meets me there, or not. She meets me soon, or later. Sooner is much preferable to later, because at some point later may become never, even if she's there.

But all that is tomorrow. Today is now. Matthew 6:34. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Formerly known as brokenbird

BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05

Second separation. Working on me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
Big kudos and hoorays from me about you and your son. And you wanna know a secret? We can't fail our children...we can only fail to have a relationship with them.

You're not choosing that...so you didn't fail him, 'k?

Have you thought about the verse in your sigline? If your wish is to remain in him and his words remain in you...hmmm.

What is the one thing you've asked of yourself?

And the Remote Control is mine. End of discussion.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 598
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Member
Offline
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Posts: 598
Hi LA -

Quote
We can't fail our children...we can only fail to have a relationship with them.

You're not choosing that...so you didn't fail him, 'k?

Well, I have failed him in the past. Hopefully there's still time to rectify that. MP said that DS described the conversation he and I had as "sweet" - which, if I understand current-day teen-age lingo, is good.

I'm seeing where I'm repeating the patterns my parents had, without admitting it to myself. At least I can change that.

Quote
Have you thought about the verse in your sigline? If your wish is to remain in him and his words remain in you...hmmm.

I haven't thought about that verse directly in some time. It ties in nicely with another verse in, IIRC, 1 John 5 that says essentially the same thing. As long as we are following God's will, we will be ok - even if it doesn't seem like it.

Jeremiah 29:11 is another good verse for inspiration - at least for me.

Quote
What is the one thing you've asked of yourself?

I've stopped asking things of myself - I tend to not respond to myself. I'm now focused on directing myself - I seem to do better when I'm directed, at least in some situations.

I do ask myself lots of questions - lots of checkpoints. But no longer do I ask myself to do this, or not do that. I simply tell myself to do this, or not do this. As Yoda said, there is no try. Only do...or do not.

Quote
And the Remote Control is mine. End of discussion.

I'll let you and MP sort that one out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Formerly known as brokenbird

BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05

Second separation. Working on me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)

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