I used to be active on the EN boards but haven't posted much for quite awhile until a few just recently. I've been wanting to post here but have been reluctant. It makes it feel more real and I still can't believe it's actually happening.

My story is long so I won't go into all of it. The main points are I've tried for almost 7 years to make a marriage work with a man who never really loved me, wasn't attracted to me and wasn't interested in sharing his life with me. He wasn't interested in my life back home either. I moved from America to be with him here in Europe.

He's not the man I thought I was marrying. He admits he was "Cary Grant" and it's not easy to keep that up. He didn't want to get married but didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me. Oops. He gets what he's done but there is alot he has never gotten.

I've been to ****** and back. I'm pretty proud of myself for surviving all that life has thrown at me these last years and I've learned a ton. Now, we've decided to let go. Or he's decided to let me, or whatever. I always knew this day would come but I always hoped it wouldn't. I DO believe in MB and in making things work, because it IS possible when both want it.

It's hard to let go of the marriage but not as hard as letting go of my life here in Norway. I've worked really hard for it. It's hard to say goodbye to friends, my STB-EX's family, my home, my business and my dog. 16 hours after I do that I land in the States to start my new life which can't be completely planned for and it's pretty overwhelming.

So that is what I am struggling with. So much happening, so suddenly. I know I have to deal with it and I know I will survive. I'm strong. I know my loved ones send me off with support and best wishes. My family and friends will great me with support and a hope for the best for me. It's up to me to create my life again. At least now I see something of what my future can look like.

I am lucky that my business is easily mobil and I can still keep my clients in Europe and build my business in the States. I'm a Life Coach so I do alot of work by phone already. Whew!!

I know I have alot of healing to do. I'm not worried about a new R. I believe the right person will come when I am living my best life.

This is where I am at in the process. Just wanted to introduce myself. Looking forward to getting to know you all here.

Symphony

welcome to our neck of the woods! sorry you find yourself here, but we are survivors!

mlhb

I'm sorry you're here but glad we can be here for you.

The good news is that you will survive. Tough as it may be, you will be ok.

Hi Mlhb and Cinderella.

Thanks for the welcome and the encourgement!

Sym

Welcome of the cesspool of divorce.

Mine was so brutal and abrupt, I didn't even have time to be shocked.

Everything changed at once, my job, my home, my family was now gone.

I am doing just fine, in fact, even better than when I was married.

Hi Pariah,

I'm lucky in that I haven't been cheated on or walked out on. Just been ignored for some years after the verbal and mental abuse stopped. My shocker came right in the beginning instead of the end. My whole world was ripped out from under me. I've got 4.5 weeks until I leave. I wish it were tomorrow.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that and I am encouraged that you are now finding life to be even better than it was before. Amazing what is possible when we don't give up. I plan to find out what happens when a person doesn't give up.

Before I gave up country, job, home, family and friends by choice. That was alot easier. Now I give it up out of necessity. I do know that it will be ok. Doesn't mean it's easy. And I long for the day that I will feel like I actually have slept. I'm so freakin tired!!

A good life is on the other side of this!!!

Sym

Symph:

As sad as it is to have to divorce, I am glad you are taking charge of your life. It was clear from your posts that your DH never wanted to be married or change his lifestyle in anyway.

It was pretty clear Wannabophim (I've always loved your sign-on!). I still always hoped. Time to get on with life.

Take care!
Sym

My original reply was going to be:

Thank Goodness!

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Have you told him of your plans?
If so, has he tried to pull you back in? I would imagine he will feel some vague guilt and try to convince you to stay.

We made a joint decision and we've both participated in the planning. After we separated a few years ago he said if we ever got to "that place" again then that was it. He would just let me go if that is what I wanted. He's done that.
He's telling people it's the best for both of us. He's getting some time to get his head around it. I believe he will let me go. No matter what happens, I am going.

I've been offered a place to stay for a month before I go and I will be doing that after the weekend. I'll still be at the house but I won't be sleeping here and won't be here much in the evenings. He's at work all day.

I think he's ready for this too and I also don't think he's dealing with it just yet. That will come after I go. He wants to remain good friends and really keep in touch and I don't feel like I will be able to do that. I'm dealing with alot of emotions and one that I am holding off on is some anger that I will need to work through when I have the space and time for that. I can forgive him for alot of what has happened but right now I need some time before I can forgive him for being dishonest with me before we were married.

He is being good about this and helpful when I need it. Friendly.

Symphony

Symphony - I really feel for you. An acquaintance/coworker of mine dated a man for many years - at least 6 or 7. He'd been married before and they were waiting until his marriage could be annulled. It took a long time, from what I gather.

Well...they had a spectacular wedding in her church and a gala reception. (Being married in the church was very important to her.) They survived a year because he managed all those years to hide some hereditary health issues and not tell her, when it came out, apparently, during that first year. Dishonesty about anything important is so wrong.

I'm glad your stbx is being nice about things. I have a lot of hope for you, and I think you will find it liberating and freeing at some point in the future. Wishing you the best...

Hang in there.

Thanks Soolee!

It is hard now but I KNOW it will be better one day and that helps me. I know I have to go through this to get "there". Moving on puts me one step closer to where I want to be in my life.

Not being honest or lying is SO not cool. It's too bad people can't just be honest. Sure, sometimes it's hard, but geez the misery it saves in the long run.

I'm glad stbx is being nice too. It helps alot. I would hate it if this was a long drawn out process with hating and fighting.

It's nice to "see" you.

Hugs
Sym