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#1953462 10/12/07 09:49 AM
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Hello,

Need help with some things. I have been married for 10 years. The day after the honeymoon my husband lost his job. That really hit me hard. Moved around a lot because after that he could not seem to keep a job. Went through three repossessions because got behind on the car note. I felt so drained and I had no one to talk to because I felt like people were laughing behind my back. I could not talk to my family because they were all talking about my husband. Never had a family that just discussed their problems so I did not know how to talk to my husband.
Eventually I started to withhold from him. In six years he could count on his hands how many times we had sex. He begged for us to get help and I just would not go anywhere.
Well after six years of begging he cheated. He was with another women for about a year. They broke it off and then he went back and she got pregnant. He begged me to forgive him and they have never been back together. She will not let him see the child because he and I are back together.
It has been about two and a half years and things are no better. I get days when I just really do not want to be around him. Now he complains all the time about me not showing him any affection. He complains that I do not initiate sex with him and he do not feel loved or wanted. I feel like he do not hold me or talk to me unless I have sex with him. I am very miserable because it is like no matter what I say he just do not get it. He thinks it is all about him. If I say anything he would say that I would not have these problems if I would have never withheld from him and if I would not do it now.
I am lost. I do not know where to go from here. I do not see a way to fix this other then ignoring what I am feeling and just do what he wants. Help I am lost.

Joined: Mar 2007
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Do you have children?

Have you ever gone to counseling? I believe that is where you should start, I would also advise you to read all the articles on this site, if you look to the right of the screen you will see all the infidelitie articles, very good and accurate on what to do.

you might want to check out counseling with this site, with the Harley's

first thing you should know is, the cheating is not caused by your lack of sex, there is no excuse, period. If your H wants to justify it that way he will learn the hard way that he is wrong! this is not your fault no matter what.

There are good people on this site that can help you, probably post alot better advice then I can. Listen to what they tell you. No one here will steer you wrong.

I am sorry that this has happened to you, its very painful. You will get better, but you must be productive in making yourself feel better, and this is a good place to start.


Me-49 and staying there, course AARP sent me my card ugh
H-49
DD and SIL
GS the light of my life! 1 and a half, full of you know what
DS med school
always working on me
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Ghandi
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Answer one question..think carefully about it before you do answer it.

When he wanted to get back together...why did you say yes?


Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
noodle #1953465 10/12/07 11:26 AM
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First yes I have two children.
When he asked about getting back together I said yes because I do love him. I also felt like it was probably my fault. I don't really think it was my fault but I did have a part in it. If I would have never with held from him then he would not have been tempted. I also feel like my kids deserve their mother and father in the household.Also ashamed of what every one else would think. Now I am afraid of what they will all think about the baby.

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So, what are you doing to heal the marriage? And, what is he doing to help you heal? After an affair, time alone doesn't heal things...the relationship itself has to change, there have to be some measures to restore love and trust.

Have you read this?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5062_qa.html

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Nicole,

The OW my husband had the A with was in it to get PG. We have an A with OC as well. It is very painful. You can't start anywhere without firist fixing the M. As noodle asked why are you still there, also you have COM. Do you want to recover your M? If yes, then start reading. Will your WH go to counseling? You should speak to the Harley's, many MC don't have any idea about how to save a marriage when an OC exists. They are more focused on the OC than they are on the M or the COM. You need to find one that is focused on helping you recover the M first and foremost, and deal with the other issues later.

Best Wishes

Fled


Me BS
D Day 4-2-2005
OC born 12-2004
DS 21, DS 12
Married 1993

May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.

Recovering....it's a long road, even with a dedicated FWH
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Nicole...are you still here? How are you doing?


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