My ex left me two years ago. We have a six year old son together and I am the custodial parent. My ex get's him on thurs. after school unil Friday a.m., and then every other weekend Friday after school to Monday a.m. I have been dating someone and we are looking to get married. I live in Texas and my boyfriend lives in Wyoming. He has been in the Air Force for 18 years and is also a pastor of a church. My divorce decree says I can only live within contigeous counties of my ex unless he agrees or we go back to court. My ex only pays $350 a month for child support and he doesn't have insurance for himself or our son. I work for a small company that only provides very minimal insurance coverage. My son has had a few health issues and we are just barely scraping by. I feel that marriage to my boyfriend would give my son stability that we currently don't have. What is the likelyhood of my being able to relocate? My boyfriend is very financially stable and would allow me and my son to come back to Texas as frequent as possible. I don't want to come off selfish by me wanting to move so far away, b/c I really want to do what is good for my kid. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Actually what is best for your son is to have his father in his life. Moving would be a mistake.

I agree with believer...assuming that your X is an involved parent. It sounds like he might be.

Co-parenting across several states is going to be difficult. There are parenting schedules that could work but that could mean sending your child off to Texas for weeks at a time, unless your X is willing to forego parenting altogether and relinquish his rights to the child. In that case, ask your new beau if he might ever consider adopting your son.

Either way, it sounds like you are going back to court.

How about your BF relocating? Is that possible?

I posed a similar queston on the After Divorce board regarding a friend of mine who is recently engaged.
There were similar comments to the above, and this move was only 25 miles away.

You will go back to court for this, particularly if he is an involved father. Are you willing to give up custody of your son to move to Wyoming?

Good Luck.

speaking as a father of a seven year old, it would be a cold day in ****** before i signed off on my kid moving out of state

i dont like being this harsh but based on the wording of your post this looks like it has less to do with insurance and more to do with you wanting to get re married

ask yourself if this is really in your son's best interest... ask yourself if you are ready for the emotional problems he will have when he figures out just how far away dad is after the move... ask yourself if you can build a marriage living with a son who resents you

i'm sure there are a ton of guys in texas who would love to get to know you

It's so easy to say that when you don't have all the facts.....

My boyfriend can't relocate b/c he is military. He is also a pastor of a church. I know what this situation looks like from an outsiders point of view, but not knowing all of the facts it really isn't fair for people to say what is and isn't right in this matter. I was hoping I could find someone who has been through a relocation with a child before or knows some facts on it. And no, I would never give up custody of my child.

If moving and marriage gives my son a better life then absolutely it will be worth it. His dad chose this and b/c of his lack of committment his child is now lacking in many areas. I was a stay-at-home mom most of our marriage and didn't finish college. When my ex left suddenly and then closed our checking account without any notice, I was left with nothing. Our house was in the middle of a remodel which he was doing when he left. This was left unfinished and he refused to complete anything. A year later I still don't have a dishwasher, my electrical in the kitchen isn't hooked up, and I have unfinished tile on the floor. Our divorce went on for a full year due to his irrational behavior. Since that time I started a cleaning business and began working full time while struggling to continue to spend quality time with my kiddo, maintain our house, and regain our lives back. I have given my ex every opportunity to be involved with our son and most of the time he only does what he has to do. My son says that while at daddy's he gets to stay up late playing x-box games that are intended for adults. My ex even lets him watch R rated movies with him and his girlfriend. I realize I am putting him out there very negatively, but I just dont' see how any of this could be the better choice compared to moving and having the opportunity to marry a good stable Christian man who can provide a steady and consistant life. I DONT want to take my son away, but his dad just doesn't help with anything. I wish I could make eveyone happy. A year ago I even tried to convince my ex to maybe try and come back and get counceling, but he doesn't want to be married and definately doesn't want counceling.

ure missing my point... the only way you can make that plan work is by convincing the father to sign that court document

is the guy a bad dad? based on what you say, it sounds like he is. but in the end that is irrelevant

you say it's easy for a stranger to post something harsh, believing that the post is based on assumptions

what i'm saying is that it is not relevant whether you believe the father is a bad parent... even if you had injunctions against the guy because he beat you regularly... he would still have visitation rights as a parent. they may be supervised visits... but he would still have the right

he can voluntarily sign off on it or you could proove to the court that he is a bad parent... and getting somebody's parental rights terminated is very difficult. i was a child abuse investigator for years and was involved in many of these court matters personally

all that aside... why do you think moving out of state is going to make your child have a better life? have you met this air force pastor? kinda sounded like an internet and phone based relationship. has your son met him? does your son not like his father? does your son not like playing xbox until late into the night? just because you didn't have a dishwasher, does that mean you son has a bad life?

i have a stepdaughter whose father was in prison for 10 years up until his recent release. know what? my stepdaughter missed him every day of that 10 years and it caused her alot of anguish

your son needs to see his father and come to his own conclusions about how good of a father he is... if you rob him that opportunity i think you will regret it in the long run... your son will end up blaming you for taking him away from his father as opposed to him learning for himself that he was never a good parent

I also live in Texas and my custody agreement with my ex-husband was 50% custody (we both had primary custody - every other week, did it successfully for 16 years). The other stipulation was that we would remain in Houston, in Harris county or a contiguous county. I had every right to leave...but I could not take my son with me. His dad had every right to leave...but my son would stay here.

We did this in the best interest of our son. Nobody is preventing you from running off to Wyoming and marrying the preacher guy...but it is not fair to your son to take him away from his father. That is why the courts put those stipulations into the custody orders.

Sorry if this comes off as a hijack, but how common is it for the courts to put geographical limits on parents? The reason I ask is the OW and OWH in my sitch are heading to court over custody and one of the issues is that WH and OW just bought a house in a different city. Both WH and OW work in the city where OWH lives and their DS goes to school. DS has been "residing" with OW & WH, but spents approximately 40% of her time with her father. OW's plan was to leave town so she wouldn't have to deal with OWH anymore (fog-mentality here). It appears that the school won't release DS's records without both parents signatures OR a statement from the court stating she has sole custody. But the moving date is Dec 14 and the initial court date isn't until January. OWH's lawyer is pushing for an emergency court date prior to the move but at the last I heard, that has not happened. I guess my questions are:
1. Even if they make it into court before the move, would a judge tell OW she can't leave the city even though she's given notice to her apartment and signed on a house or give interim custody to OWH?
2. How likely is it that the judge would put further constraints on geographical boundaries if they do end up living in different cities (about 30 min apart)?
3. Will this move of OW have any bearing on the judge's ruling on custody (i.e. will the judge consider this an action that is contrary to the child's best interest and rule in favour of OWH as a result)?

Has anyone ever experienced this situation before a court order?

im sure lots of people will tell you that nothing is black and white and sometimes judges make weird rulings...

AND laws differ from state to state

but in my experience working with the Florida court system, the judge cannot stop WH and OW from moving wherever they want... they just can't uproot the child

note how the school won't release those records tabby

you, watch that child will end up staying with his father becuase WH and OW won't be able to enroll the child in school where they plan on moving

i assume the judge would give OWH primary custody with a visitation plan as to OW

Some people play those games before the divorce/custody is final to establish that they have already lived there.
Without a divorce decree, it's unlikely he (OWH) can file a motion, because there is nothing to move against.

If he has a lawyer, the lawyer should be able to stop it.

It is difficult when parent's want to move a short distance away from each other, but another state is a very different issue.

My decree says I must live in the same county, within 45 minutes. If X leaves the county, all restrictions are off. (per my lawyer, staying in the same state is imperative, although some places in the contiguous state are far closer than I am).

We had the same stipulation in our agreement, and it really helped me sleep better at night, not having to worry about my ex waking up one day and deciding she wants to move to Katmandu. She can move of course, but the kids would stay.

I see this post just like the post on AD forum - a woman wants to get remarried, and rationalizes that it is "for the better" for the kids. As I said there, I'll say here - what would the poster say if the tables were reversed - if her H was the one to want to move to a "better life for the kids" and take the kids? Somehow I doubt she would go along with that.

AGG

Exactly. The way I see it, my ex-husband and I are both still able to make whatever choices we want...but we are FORCED to consider the best interest of our son in our decisions. Could I have run off to another state and married somebody? Sure, but I'd do it without my son. Same goes for him.

houston,

Your XH may not be the ideal father but he is never the less, the father. Just as no one expects you to give up your child, you certainly can't expect him to give up his child either. He can CHOOSE to give up the child, but you can't take the child away from him and 'visit' when you feel like it.

Just what would be your incentive to 'visit' the XH anyway? There would be none. The only thing that's going to get you back to Texas is a court ordered parenting schedule.

Someone posted a good question to you. Have you even met this internet BF? Have you ever been to Wyoming? It ain't all Yellowstone Park, believe me. Picture the surface of the moon, but with cattle. That's Wyoming.

hd,

I know your question is about the courts but unless your X is an awful father, don't move your son away from his Dad. As much as I would love to get away from my X, or that she would move away, I don't want my children to be seperated from her.

Your BF should understand this and if he doesn't, then maybe he isn't the right one?

No, I didn't meet him over the internet! We met here in Houston over a year ago. I have been to Wyoming many times and he also visits here. Your assumptions were my point exactly. It is so very easy to place judgments on things without knowing all of the facts. I didn't log on here to get hear sarcastic remarks about my choices, but to get honest opinions and hopefully some factual information. Whether Wyoming looks like the moon or not is irrelevant!!

hdhouston, please address the rest of the comments...about not taking the child away from his father...you chose to respond only to the questions wyoming and how you met your boyfriend.

Do you have anything to add about the fact that it is wrong to take the boy away from his dad?

Read your divorce stip. You want to move away from the childs father. The 'why' doesn't matter.

If the stip does not restrict you from moving outside of the area, go for it. If it does restrict you, then you will need the permission of the father and the court.

You will likely have to come to an agreement with your XH on a new parenting schedule if they allow you to move. "As frequent as possible" is not specific enough.