I agree Bryan. Hey, you are not around much...but I want to thank you as your straight talking helped me through a tough time when I first got here.

Hello all,
Thanks for your support. The past week has been very good to us. WW has committed to us in many ways. For our anniversary on 1/12 she gave me a card that says 17 things she wants for us to achieve TOGETHER in 2008 and that she looks forward to making another list in 2009. Indulge me k? Here is the list...
take romantic vacation together
install hot tub together
workout together
attend church
buy a new car for you together
train our crazy dog
paint our house together
finish master bedroom together
plan our financial future together
go camping hiking together
bike rides with kids
family vacation together
speak each others love languages
speak our childrens love languages
make our house a home for our family
come up with 5 long term goals
be the best parents we can be

And in this card that she made for me she included her email password.

Then something great happened 2 days ago. The OM sent her an email saying the girl he is now dating looks just like my WW. So he has found something to move on to and my WW said she feels nothing but happy for him (and slightly depressed about it being over). Last night we were reminded of a time about 3 weeks ago and what she said was "Oh yeah that was the night I had my emotional breakdown (over NC with OM) and it was all for nothing!" And then she grabbed my hand and gave me a kiss.

Things are going excellent. She is finding ways daily to restore my trust. She is saying and doing all kinds of things to rebuild trust and have a better marriage. Lately we really enjoy being with each other so much. Nothing but good news. Thanks again to all you MBers', Dr Harley, and God.

Oh, man, that is GREAT NEWS, BP!!! I am so happy for you!

Congratulations. I am surprised but quite happy for you.

Good for you, BP. Be guarded, be careful, be aware of the rollercoaster jiggles and reoccuring withdrawal symptoms.

For us, withdrawal happened for over 6 months but we didn't know what it was until a year ago when I registered for MB. I falsely felt recovered during that time and it could have been disastrous when I let my guard down. (In fact, that's why we had 4 D-Days.)

My WH had given me all the passwords to his accounts....and then started new ones. And he seemed sooooo committed to me/us. But...... he was just further underground.

Don't mean to scare you, BP, but you sound so much like us. (Except we didn't have MB until I found the books just before D-Day #4.)

Thanks and please keep us updated on your progress.

Ace

^^^^^

B, are you sure?

No, Mel, not sure. But I put 2 and 2 together, BigPicture/BigMistake. Plus they have counseled with the Harleys, married 17 years, there was an affair, and now NC, and SF problems.

bigpicture,

I think you're hanging on to any shred of hope you can hang onto. I know, I was there.

But you're having the wool get pulled over your eyes. Your WW is cake eating. She's keeping the OM on the backburner and telling you stuff that gives you hope. It's a horrible and cruel game she's playing, but there is still contact and this crap about him getting a girlfriend is a possibly good development, but you have no way of knowing if it's true or not. She must swear no contact for life and actually do it.

It's simple to take steps to make that happen. Block his email for starters.

You have to take some hard steps to draw boundaries if she breaks the contact.

bigp,

I just read through a bit more of your thread and offer this to you.

I believe there is a very real and very hard crash for betrayed spouses who have a WW return. I believe that there is a lot of energy spent on "reconquering" the WW, getting her to return, and then experiencing a brief honemoon period before reality sets in.

The reality is that you've taken back a cheating wife, who has slept with and done things with another man and you must now fight your own crash over the WW coming home.

I haven't been through recovery, but I imagine this is what it's like since I'm sure I would have had A LOT of resentment to work through if my WW had come back to me.

It's been 3 years and there's times when I don't have fond feelings of rainbows and bunnies filling her days. Quite the opposite.

I can imagine anger and resentment that a betrayed husband has to deal with.

Others can correct me if I'm wrong here, but I can't see how a betrayed spouse can just put this behind them easily and move on.

What you're going through right now is taking its toll on you whether you realise it or not. The day will come when broken NC is one broken NC too many and you will be fed up beyond belief that she continues to disrespect you over and over again.

Just keep in mind that you're in a fog of your own right now and that there is a "mission" that is driving you and that mission is to get your wife to come back to your marriage 100%.

You may get exactly what you wish for. And that will bring baggage all of its own.

Mel and Believer,

NO NO NO NOT same person.

I already made my mistakes . (like I won't make anymore ha ha :D)

Oh, good to hear that. I was really afraid it was your wife.