there are some FWS on here...others that I know (including my ex that keeps trying to weasel her way back into my life) that wished the BS took a stronger stand and made demands. I know for myself and a few others that until the demand of NC was made...contact continued. Some people just need to be shoved in the right direction.
It may not be the Harley way...but it works for some. I am not hesitant to recommend that push to someone if it appears as though it would help.
I agree ... All I can do is go with what worked for us (admittedly this was before I knew of MB ... he11, it was within 15 minutes of confirmation of the A) ... but I told FogFree that I loved her, but I WOULD NOT share her. She had a decision to make, right then and there, and her answer would decide where she spent the night.
I can honestly say that it provided the "shock" necessary to cut through some of the fog and get her to recommit to our M. I also confronted OM by email and phone (he lived 3 states away) and DEMANDED NC ... here is my "gut-instinct" NC letter that I attached to some of their emails I had just discovered and sent it from her work laptop so he knew I had the proof (keep in mind this was before I even knew of MB):
This is (MyRevelation), it seems you have been having an affair with my wife, (FogFree).
I suspected something was wrong, found these emails, confronted her and she confessed EVERYTHING in detail. This could be your lucky day if you are willing to reply to this email, make one phone call and then break off ALL contact immediately. (FogFree) has asked me to allow her to stay and work through this and has agreed to never contact you again.
I have hard and electronic copies of all emails exchanged between you two, and will have been able to retrieve all deleted text messages (both incoming and outgoing) from her cell phone shortly.
I also have your:
Full name
Home Address
Wife’s name
Children’s name
Place of employment
The Headmasters name and contact info
Cell phone #
Office phone #
Home phone #
Email address
…and I have the names and contact info of 5 private investigators within 10 miles of (his hometown) that I will be interviewing later today.
Here’s the deal…(FogFree) and I have both called in sick today to put this matter behind us one way or the other. You have until 3:00pm today to respond to this email confirming its receipt and writing a narrative confessing to your participation in the affair including complete details from when you met in Cancun to the subject of your last phone call yesterday and any plans for future meetings. I love my wife very much, but in order to forgive her, I must know that she is telling me the whole truth and nothing but the truth and that this affair is OVER. This narrative will be used to confirm her story. After you reply to this email you must call us on our home phone (my home phone #) and both of us will be on the line. The purpose of this is for you to hear from (FogFree) herself that it is over and for you to never attempt to contact her again. Then you must agree to these terms to both of us.
If not, all of the evidence I have will be delivered by private investigator in person to your wife, employer, sons, and possibly others. I am not playing games. Let me be clear…if you don’t reply by 3:00pm today, or if you don’t call, or if you ever attempt to contact (FogFree) again after today…I will turn your world upside down as you’ve done mine. (FogFree) has also agreed to not answer any phone calls after today and save their history, and will not reply to any email or text messages and forward them directly to me.
I will also call and leave this same message on your cell phone and office voicemails so there can be no mistake of its receipt.
These are my non-negotiable conditions. You do as I say, and we will become just a memory for you without ever contacting your wife, etc. Anything less, and I’ll bring your whole life crashing down around your ears. You have messed with my family and I will not stand for it.
May you burn in the firey pits of ****** for the pain you’ve caused my family.
He did call us and once on the phone, he started out trying to be a jerk, but after he heard what I had in mind for his world, he couldn't backpedal quick enough and FogFree got to hear how she meant nothing to him and he was ready to throw her away in a heartbeat to save his sorry [censored]. She got a good dose of humility when she realized how cheaply she was viewed and used. That part was better than I'd hoped as he showed his true colors as a world class slimeball and she got an expensive lesson from the "School of Hard Knocks".
Admittedly, FogFree broke NC twice within the next 3 days to attempt "closure", but the OM did not respond to either attempt. My guess is that he thought I had sent them to him trying to get him to break NC, since he knew I had access to her laptop and cell phone. Shortly thereafter, the fog started to clear and I consider us to be nearly recovered after 6 months, and I think those who have read some of FogFree's posts here will agree.
I will admit that our situation was not nearly as bad as many have had to face, nor nearly as long in duration, but I have never questioned my pro-active stance in DEMANDING NC immediately, and would have made her leave the marital home that night had she not agreed to it.
I now know that this didn't follow MB principles, BUT IT WORKED VERY WELL FOR US, and even after I've learned of these great principles, I still advocate reacting from a position of strength and confidence for BH's, and I agree that the begging and pleading are turn offs for WW's.
Anyway, I was just offering up a little perspective on where we come from and why I believe as I do.
