Oh they fixed it... but it took 4 months and putting up with the VA system to get it fixed!

Well, then let's go for the full 90 days! How's everything else going for you?

Semper Fi,

RIF

I'm doing better every day...

WW is still in fantasy land... fence sitting... she said something to me in an email..."I need to figure out what I'm going to do"...

I'm sure she's confused... It's strange... we haven't been ugly to each other at all... the little bit of communication that we do have has been very civil. There are times that I think she misses me... based on her actions... Calls...emails... etc... But.... she's still seeing and spending time with OM...

Hey Amazin,

Until she bottoms out, I suspect that she's going to continue to spend time with the OM.

You're doing good in not focusing on trying to "fix" her... continue to take care of yourself and the kids... hopefully, she will wake up and realize what she's loosing.

Semper Fi,

RIF

I don't enjoy saying this , however, here it is:

"Until she bottoms out, I suspect that she's going to continue to spend time with the OM" .... or the NEXT OM.

Historically, alcohol has not been her only way to run away from her demons. She has used men (&sex) as a numbing drug.

Do you know if she suffered sexual abuse as a child? Especially from a trusted friend of the family?

I've always suspected sexual abuse … But I'm not sure...

When we first met she had something she wanted to tell me... very emotional... but she couldn't follow through... She never did…

She would have bad dreams... she would reach out… pull me to her… start thrashing and then say no…no…no… I think it was an act because I’m almost positive she wasn’t really asleep when she would do this…

I know everyone is different … what would be her bottom? Loosing me, her daughter, her stepchildren, brothers, sisters, and parents who won’t have anything to do with you? Thousands of dollars of debt?

just curious what you think…

Well I gotsta go… I’ve got to take my daughter to try and get her drivers permit… then I’m going to paint a bedroom.

no idea - none

OK I'm back... The only thing worse than going to the DMV is going to the Social Security Office… Red tape… hurry up and wait… Damn Government Employees… (Oh wait… I resemble that remark…working for DOD and all…..LOL) My daughter didn’t pass… I have to take her back. Yuck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />



Without asking her or her family… Are there any indicators that would suggest she was abused? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I was only wondering if she shared any history of that sort with you.

'indicators' might be promiscuity and using sex to hold onto someone

She never shared with me that she had a history of sexual abuse. But like I said… I have a feeling she does…because of this THING she’s always wanted to tell me about but hasn’t been able to…It’s just a feeling on my part… But one based on past experience. My first wife was sexually abused by her grandfather. It really screwed her up…

She’s definitely promiscuous.

Using sex to hold onto someone? I’m not sure what you mean… Can you explain?

There is one other thing that happened to her when she was young... 16, 17 or 18... She was dating her first husband in VT... They broke up... she went to TX for 4-6 months... Met someone else and dated him for a while... She ended up going back to VT getting pregnant and marrying her first husband... On her wedding day the boyfriend in TX was killed... I got the impression it was suicide by car… She would only give me bits and pieces of the story… she never really told me the whole thing…

Our MC told me very early on that generally speaking, women will give sex to get affection, while men will give affection to get sex.

In my situation, that's exactly what Mrs. RIF did... she gave herself away sexually in order to have the "affection" of other men...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Sounds like every single man and woman out there…

I’m not sure that’s what Pepperband meant… And your MC said “generally speaking”… meaning… this how men and women typically act…

4 days no cigarettes…. Wooo hooo!!!!

I just drove by my favorite pub ... Guess who's car was in the parking lot...

I think she might be getting ready to take a fall off the wagon... This pub has really good food.... but I doubt she could go in and not have a beer...

I talked to her earlier... she just left church... she was supposed to call and we were going to talk...

In the past if there was somthing she had difficulty talking about she would drink to loosen her tongue up...

Makes me wonder if she's afraid of talking to me....

Should I go to the bar?... Any thoughts??? Not sure what I'd do if the OM was there with her... I might loose it...

If you might lose it, don't go. You know she is cheating, and frankly that is enough. The more you "catch her" at it, the fastest your love bank will drain and you may lose your love for her.

Instead find something that you enjoy doing and DO IT.

She know's I go there... Why would she go there???

Just to flaunt it in my face if she has the opportunity?

The other reason may be that its a cry for help...

She is probably not thinking right. Continue your Plan A. Do you have any plans for the day?

I'm painting my daughter’s room... we picked the color out together... kind of a sky blue…

WW and I talked on the phone... She didn't say anything about the pub...

I asked about her first marriage... and the boyfriend who died on her wedding day... At first she got defensive... and asked “Why? So your counselor can tell you how you did everything right in the marriage and I did everything wrong?” I said. “No… I know I did a lot of stuff that was screwed up and I’m fully responsible for my actions.” … She relaxed quite a bit after that…. I explained that she told me about it before but never really went into details… and I felt like she always had something she wanted to tell me but couldn’t… I thought that maybe there might be more to the boyfriend dying on your wedding day than you told me… She opened up and told me about it…

Long story short… she found out that he died on her wedding day about a month after the marriage… She called the mother to find out where he was and she told her he was dead… Killed himself in a car crash at exactly the same time she got married… I’m sure she feels super guilty to this day…

We talked a little longer… she said she was having a really bad day…. (Probably why she was at the pub… Maybe her and OM had an argument?? or broke it off... That's the only thing I can think of that would send her to the pub after 120+ days of being sober...) I offered to cook dinner for her and my SD if she wanted to come over… she declined… I told her it was an open invitation... and that she could take me up on it anytime...

Said she may call me later if she feels up to it…

5 days no cigarettes... working on number 6 today...

Getting stronger every day!

Hey Amazin!

Congratulations on Day 5!

So has your W called you? Hope you're doing OK...

Semper Fi,

RIF

I'm doing great... Yesterday was day 6 and today is 7. Feeling stronger everyday. Did my 1 ½ Mile run in 12:17 yesterday… I’m gonna blow past my goal and have to re-adjust. I've lost 17 Lbs. since the first of the year... Have another 15 to go...

My wife and I still talk... mostly small talk... Occasionally something relationship related... I sent her an e-card yesterday... She said she really appreciated it...