I have another dilemma.

I did our taxes with Turbo Tax yesterday. I did a joint return, then two “married filing separately” returns. (One for each of us.)

I need some tax advice… is there a tax accountant out there?… please speak up!

First… Our home mortgage is in my name only but the deed is in both our names. If I file separately can I claim all the interest and homeowners tax on my return… or do I have to split it with the wife?

If it’s mine only to claim… then I get screwed filing a joint return and my wife gets a good deal… If I file a separate return I get about 1800 more and she gets 1100 less. (This is all based on me getting all the tax benefits of paying the mortgage.)

HELP!



Does anyone have any comments on her behavior.

I’m trying to read her actions but she’s sending me a mixed signal.

I'm a CPA out in the real world. For taxes, the person who pays the mortgage is the one entitled to the deduction. If you can prove that the funds came from your earnings, you can take the entire deduction on the return. Now, that doesn't mean that she won't claim 1/2 of it herself, and then you may have to get into it with the IRS. However, you may have the stronger case if your social security number is on the 1098. Its just kind of a heads-up that this could potentially be an issue that rears its head again down the road, and you could spend the $700 difference in accounting fees trying to challenge the IRS. Or, it may be that your CPA tells you that she's the one taking the risk. I would definitely NOT do your return on Turbo Tax this year. Find a good CPA in your area and take it to him/her.

EOTP,
Thanks for the advice. What I read on the IRS website seemed to indicate that it depends on wether you're a resident of a community property state or not. Also the payment was always through an online bill pay from my bank. It was a joint account but not anymore. I think you're right I need to talk to a professional.

My social security number is the only one on the 1098. My name is the only one on the mortgage. But both our names are on the deed.

Day 13... Still no cigarettes... two weeks tomorrow.

OK... I talked to a couple of CPA's and I called the IRS help line today.

The answer I got from the IRS was… In order to claim the mortgage interest as an itemized deduction … it has to be YOUR mortgage not someone else’s… I.E. If your living in your mom and dads house that they have a mortgage on and you’re making the payments for them you still can’t claim the interest because the mortgage is not in your name…. So… Even if I file a separate return with only half the interest… she can’t file a separate return claiming the other half because her name isn’t on the mortgage… It doesn’t matter that her name is on the deed… it’s irrelevant.

I basically got the same answer from both the CPA’s I talked to. It’s my mortgage that’s in my name so I’m the only one who can claim it on a tax return.

Now my dilemma is…

Should I file jointly or separately?

If I do decide file a separate return how do I tell her that? She’s expecting to file together so she can get a bigger return. Should I just tell her the truth and say sorry… but you made the decision to move out instead of staying. I’m looking out for the best interest of my kids and me. Or… should I just say… sorry I changed my mind… I don’t feel comfortable filing together and trusting you to give me my half of the return. (Which is still true... then not say anything about me getting a bigger return) And since you don’t trust me with money maybe the best thing for us to do is just file separately…

In some ways I feel she may be using me to get a bigger chunk of money so she can continue her affair and pad her war chest in the event we do get divorced. I called her on the phone the other day and she said she spent her whole lunch hour arguing with the bank. (Could it be that they wouldn’t give her the 1098 document for her taxes? Hmmm…)

Comments Please

Amazin:

I used to think that the IRS shouldn't benefit from your marital troubles.

I still think that, but in reality, with WS's, I just about determined that the IRS getting the money is better than the WS making a promise to "split" the refund, and running off with it anyway.

Screw her. She left.

I would have not gone anywhere near the HRB office. But she didn't react well to that reality, did she?

Kinda of a good internal conflict to have slept with OM and do taxes with your Husband the next morning.

Claim the interest, and the taxes, You paid it, she didn't. She's gone.

Guess what? She doesn't like it? Tell her to get over it. Her choice.

She's a recovering alcoholic and chronic cheater.

Please let her fall.

Will you get in trouble with the IRS?

Yes, when she FILES and claims all the mortgage interest and taxes because, "Well it increased my REFUND"

Then YOU have to argue with the IRS for what is yours.....

So, go ahead and file. Claim your kids, and the interest and RE Taxes. If you have access to her info, you CAN file joint, and just have the refund deposited in to YOUR account. Cut her check for what you think she is owed. If she wants more, have her sue you.

Otherwise, just leave her to file her own return. You can always file an amended return with her to be added to your return IF you reconcile.

Otherwise, "WS, This IS your life!"

BTW: I'm a CPA too. If you were sitting in my office, I might give you different advice. As Eyes recomended, a meeeting with a competent Tax Professional can make all the difference in the world at this time.

LG

Thanks LG,



The funny thing is when I did two separate returns on turbo tax… the total amount of money was more and I got a lot more… The WW got a lot less…



I don’t think she has any of the mortgage information and she can’t get it…. So how’s she going to use it on her return? Even if she does …the mortgage is affiliated with my SS number wouldn’t that be an error when she files?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just told the WW that I was having second thoughts about filing a joint return.

She blew up…She immediately asked if I planned on using all the interest on the house as a deduction.

The fact that she asked that question first tells me she already looked into her taxes and about the mortgage and what she could and couldn’t do.

She got real upset and started telling me how I’ve been screwing her over ever since we got married and she’s not going to let me screw her over anymore. She said I’d been slitting her throat ever since we’ve been married. That every time we got any money for anything she got screwed. She said that I gambled away thousands of dollars… etc etc etc… I stayed real calm. I didn’t do any LB’s. But when she started saying how I’ve been F**king her over for the entire marriage and how I’m not going to F**K her over anymore… I almost lost my cool… I almost started to tell her all the things I’m resentful about including all her boyfriends… but… I bit my tongue.

I had a house when we met. I lived in it for 8 years before she moved in. I did a lot of work to fix it up before she moved in. After she moved in we both did a lot more work to get it ready to sell. A year after we got married we sold the house because I had to transfer. She feels I screwed her over because I paid off my vehicle, a boat and several of my bills but I only paid off a $2000 legal bill of hers. She feels she did all the work to fix that house up and deserved more. She’s very bitter about it. She’s also very bitter about me selling the boat that was in my name that I paid off with the profits from the house.

She’s very bitter and resentful about the money issues. She also feels that I just do whatever I want and she’s sick of it. I understand why she feels that way… I did gamble away some money. I did sell the boat with out asking her… I did do what I wanted … And I now know how hurtful that was in my marriage.

But…
I didn’t kiss another woman on our honeymoon.
I didn’t continue to see an old lover of mine after we were married.
I didn’t have and emotional affair and tell another woman that I loved her after we’d been married 3 years.
I didn’t have numerous female friends that I hung out with, went dancing and drinking with on a regular basis.
I didn’t get drunk on my anniversary and have a one-night stand.
And she sure didn’t have to drag me out of the other woman’s house the next morning.

And I’m sure not seeing another woman right now…

With all that… why am I still in love with this piece of S**t?

Why do I feel guilty about wanting to file a separate tax return?

Should I let any of her ranting and raving about money bother me? Even though it is a sore subject with her?

I could really use some good guidance and support here…

Sounds like you have not been following the policy of joint agreement in your financial matters for your whole marriage. I think you are going to need to start working on that.

Amazin:

Yes, the IRS gets the Mortgage Interest. And it gets reported to your SSN.

And she might get a letter from the IRS.

So what.

She's entitled to ALL THE MONEY. ALL THE BOYFRIENDS, EVERYTHING! MINE, MINE, MINE!

So What.

File your return. Use turbo tax and efile tonight.

Stop dealing with the lunatic. And start addressing her from a place of power.

You paid the mortgage. You get the deduction.

You paid the real estate taxes, You get the deduction.

She can't get the info? Surprising. It's really easy to get.

Not if your stupid, then it's a pain in the A$$.

I get the stuff all the time.

Now, about those earlier independent behaviors? Something to work on, and something to address.

Good job on NOT blowing your cool.

She isn't really interested in talking to you about it now. So don't worry about it.

Of course you were screwing her all the time about the money. It justifies her A. (A's?)

Dealing with those issues are for recovery. But not now.

"I hear what your saying, I DID some of those things without consulting you in the past. I have learned many things since then, and one of them is to discuss with you about decisions that should be made jointly.:

And let her stew.

LG

We haven't been following a POJA on anything in our marriage.

I'd either not do what she wanted... or do what I wanted...

But the majority of the time if we agreed on something it was usually because I didn't want to fight with her about it and I would just agree to pacify her... then not do it... I understand how frustrating that was for her now...

I have some passive aggressive tendencies... But I realize that now and I'm working on it...

A lot of times I felt painted into a corner... If I didn’t do what she wanted I got B**ched at…If I did what she wanted I still got B**ched at for not doing it exactly as she wanted... when she wanted it done… etc… At some point I probably decided if I was going to get B**ched at either way I might as well not do anything. (so far that plan really isn’t working out for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />)

A small example: Laundry… I hate folding clothes… just one of those chores I don’t like. She wants her clothes put in the dryer and when the buzzer goes off you have to fold them immediately… while they’re hot…If you don’t then you have to re-heat them for 20 min. then fold them… It would make her mad to no end if I took her clothes out of the dryer and put them in a basket without folding them. A really stupid little thing that if we’d been using a POJA we could have easily overcome that problem…

And that’s just a little one… when it comes to the kids there’s tons more issues.

Hope you will keep reading about the POJA and also NEGOTIATING in marriage. It might help this marriage, and if things don't work out, will certainly help the next one.

I understand POJA and see how it would have solved a lot of our issues... marital and personal. If we would have been using it.

So... LG you say e-file tonight... And don't worry about her being pissed...

I'm just currious isn't that a huge love buster for her though? Especially since she's already resentful about it? Or is she making a mountain out of a mole hill to justify her Affair?

Anyone else have any advice?

Oh, you could give in to her and let her have her way, losing respect in her eyes for giving in, and screwing yourself financially. OR you could do as LG suggested and not worry about her suffering CONSEQUENCES of the choices SHE is making.

I think you know the right choice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes. Listen to LG.

If she were home and not screwing OM, then of course you'd file jointly. But she's not, and she is, so you file separately. Her missing out on the joint refund is another consquence of her actions.

Thanks Princess,

Thanks LG,

Thanks Bitbucket.

Big (((HUG))) and thanks to Believer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have a question...

Pepperband may have a good answer for me but anyone can answer.

When I had breakfast with my wife on Saturday I noticed her getting stressed and agitated because of a crying baby. She reached into her purse and pulled something out. A medallion maybe??? She put it between her thumb and forefinger and began rubbing it like it was a way for her to keep from loosing her cool…I asked her what it was but she just said it was something a friend gave to her.

I’m just curious if anyone else has encountered something like this? Is this something they teach in AA to help someone cope with stress or to help them when they have the urge to drink?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hey Chief
hang in there bro.
what your wife may have had is an AA "chip"
some AA meetings are "chip" meetings chips are shaped like a coin and commemerate certain lenghts of time "sober" like 1 day or 1 month or 1 year etc. chips often have the serenity prayer on them. She may have been told to rub the coin to calm down or to remind herself of her time" sober"
jerseyboy
did you ever attend an alanon meeting ?? did you find out who her sponsor is ???

Yes I know about the sobriety coins.

It may have been but I didn't get to see it. I thought it was oblong like a St. Christopher’s medal.

I haven’t been to an ALANON meeting yet. I don't know who her sponsor is. Pepperband said she probably doesn't have one right now and that she's probably not working the steps.