I had duty on base last night. WW called me crying at 8:30 PM. Her dog (her daughter’s dog) got ran over by a car last night and died. When she called I could tell that she had been crying. She said that her daughter was really upset about it and wanted to know if my SD could come over and spend some time with us so that she didn’t get real depressed. Of course I said yes. WW said SD might feel responsible because she was the one who let the dog out. I expressed to WW that I was very sad to hear about the dog getting hit. She got the dog when we were dating. I explained how I still cared about WW & SD, and that I was thinking about them. We had a 10 –15 minute chat and then she said she was going to put my SD to bed and comfort her.

WW called first thing this morning while she was on her way to work. We chatted for a while, nothing too serious. I finished up by confirming that SD was still coming over tonight.

Today is St. Valentines Day. So I went through with my plans to be nice to my WW. I got some flowers. (Red tulips and blue iris’s) I got the cheap silver ring with the engraving on it and a card. I got all dressed up in my dress blue uniform. (I’m one hunka hunka burnin man in that uniform! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> … LOL) I wrote a poem today and put it in a card. I swing by her work and go inside and I give her the flowers, the card and the ring.

Here’s the poem….

Even though we’re apart
You’re the only Valentine for my heart.
And I just wanted you to know
That I take a piece of you wherever I go.

I have a paper all faded and yellow.
It’s full of “I love you” notes for a special fellow.
It’s written in ink the color of green
It was written by you, my beautiful queen.

I read it once and sometimes twice a day
To remind me of you while you’re away.
And on days when I think of this terrible trial
I just look at your picture and it makes me smile.

The flowers I bring are called “Hugs and Kisses”
And they’re for you my beautiful Misses.
The ring is silver it needs no description.
Please don’t forget to read the inscription.

I long for the time when we reunite,
of tender days and passionate nights.
I pine for the good times that we spent together,
on bright sunny days and in stormy weather.

Take this poem wherever you go
So you don’t forget, so that you’ll know
Even though we’re apart
You’re still the only valentine for my heart.

She didn’t believe I wrote it… She wanted to know who helped me. LOL…

Let me explain the part about the note on yellow paper… Years ago she wrote me a note on yellow paper with green ink. It was full of I love this about you and I love that about you… etc… It meant a lot to me so I always kept it in my wallet. I still have it… I wrote her a similar note much later so that we would both have one. Apparently only one of us really meant what we said.


While I’m there she takes me outside and says that SD doesn’t want to come over because she’s too depressed. But maybe if my daughters call her she’ll change her mind. (I’m wondering if she took me outside to tell me this because no one at work knows we’re separated… and she’s cheating?)


WW dropped off SD this evening. The girls and I had a real nice time. She brought her other dog over to visit with my daughters. I ordered pizza, we exchanged valentines and just had a nice time. SD is coming back tomorrow to spend the night.

When SD and I had a moment alone I asked SD how WW was doing & if OM had been coming over to her house. I could see she was uneasy about this so I said she didn’t have to talk about it if she didn’t want to. She hesitated then said she didn’t want to talk about it because she would end up blaming her mom and OM for getting her dog killed. She said her mom let the dog out and was saying good night to OM outside when the dog got hit.

How crappy is that??? To just lie to me and tell me that SD may feel responsible. Why? To make me feel sorry for her and let her come to the house? She could have come over any time anyway.

BTW… when I went to get the pizza guess who was at WW’s apartment… yep… OM…

What a cake eating, faithless, deceiving cheater…

OK.. I feel much better now...especially since I filed my taxes...LOL

Poor dog. I'm sorry Amazin. That really stinks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Amazin, sorry about the dog...the dead one an the one who keeps seeing OM.

That was a beautiful poem...well done.

A few years ago, my XW gave me a card with an insert in it, that says "Always remember, you are special, you are valued, you are loved." I keep that card on my bathroom mirror so I see it every day. When I wrote the XW's V-Day card (nothing too romantic), I reminded her of that card I look at every day, and that she, too, is special, valued and loved.

I may still have the original (big) card where she wrote in it "I love you so much." I know she still does, maybe your WS does, too, and they both just need to figure themselves out. As I said to another friend going through a D, "If this stuff was easy, we wouldn't be where we are in the first place."

Thank you LA, EOTP.

Yes the dog is a real bummer... But I had a real nice time on Valentines day with all my girls... SD brought the male dog over for a visit... He and the cat used to play at all hours of the day and night. They seemed to pick up right where they left off... We laughed...

SD stayed over last night and the girls and I are going to do something fun today. We kind of wanted to go bowling but the lanes are all booked up already... I'll have to find something else to do...

While I’m there she takes me outside and says that SD doesn’t want to come over because she’s too depressed. But maybe if my daughters call her she’ll change her mind.

Oh my...sounds like she was desperate to get her daughter out of the house for the night. She couldn't have her there and "celebrate" Valentines Day with her boyfriend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

So...she is cake eating. You are allowing this to happen because YOU can stop the cake eating.

She has two men competing for her attention and favors.

Once that starts happening Plan A should shift gears to Plan B.

Are you considering that?

committed

I don’t think so… SD knows about the OM… And I’m pretty sure he was there all of last weekend and so was SD… (Yes I know it’s disgusting. SD doesn’t want him there but WW is doing whatever her selfish soul desires.) I’m sure she would have done whatever she wanted regardless of SD’s location.



Not yet… I’m going to have another counseling session with Jennifer to see what direction she thinks I should go.

My understanding is that Plan A is kind of like a competition… It’s been said that men can stay in Plan A longer than women because of the competitive nature of males. It’s meant to put her in cake eater heaven and confuse her. Plan B is meant to pull the rug out from under her, let the affair die, protect the BS, let her see what it’s like not to have me in her life, and what life with the OM would be like if he had to meet all her needs…

Am I right?

Did you follow Jennifer's advice & write letters?

Hi Pepper.

Nice to hear from you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes,
I've been writing pretty regularly...

Sometimes It's more of an internet conversation via email... I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. I got the impression Jennifer wanted more of a traditional letter... Not a conversation via email.

I made her an offer to go get coffee sometime...or for me to cook dinner for her and SD. I told her it was an open invitation. She's refused every time, She said she wasn't ready for that. This morning when she came to pick up SD I asked if she wanted to get a coffee sometime... She said yes... I need to follow up and see when.

SD came over on Friday night and stayed until Sunday morning... She brought the dog for the girls... On Saturday I took them out to a local diner for breakfast. Then we went into the city to Dave and Busters. (It’s an arcade place with a restaurant.) We had a blast. They have this photo booth there… You get in and it takes your picture… then you can match your face with someone else’s hairstyle…Everyone outside the booth can see what’s on the screen… We all got one… We laughed and laughed…After that I took them to the Reading terminal… It’s like a farmers market in Philly that has a whole bunch of food vendors. We got something to eat then went home… We had a really nice weekend.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I just got off the phone with her... She's pissed because I filed my taxes separately. When I asked if she wanted to have coffee this morning that was before she asked me about the taxes. After she got out of her meeting she called and asked if I filed yet. When I told I did, she said “You may want to hold off on that, because I talked to an accountant…. Blah blah blah… I think I threw her for a loop when I told her I filed already. She wasn’t expecting me to say that.

When I called a few minutes ago she had all sorts of fog babble… That I’m out to screw her over and have been ever since the marriage started…That the only thing I care about is me… How she doesn’t trust me and doesn’t think she ever can. (That’s the pot calling the kettle black!) That she was getting to the point of not liking me… That I wasn’t ever going to change and that any changes I do make are only going to be temporary. Etc…

Needless to say I guess we’re not going out for coffee…LOL

I need to learn how to reverse babble…

Anyone have any reverse babble suggestions for her comments?

How about, "If you didn't want me to file my taxes separately, you shouldn't be screwing OM."

Well, maybe that isn't plan A. Does she even know that you know?

LOL...Oh I've thought of several things like that to say but have held my tongue.

No she doesn't know that I know yet... Jennifer suggested I wait to expose.

For the CPA's here...

If I file a married filing separate tax return and itemize my deductions does my WW have to file an itemized return? Or can she take the standard deduction?

If she talked to an accountant she must have discovered she is screwed if you file separate....

From the IRS website:

My spouse and I are filing separate returns. How can we split our itemized deductions?

If you and your spouse file separate returns and one of you itemizes deductions, the other spouse will have a standard deduction of zero. Therefore, the other spouse should also itemize deductions.

Is it required though?

Do both spouses have to itemize? Or can one take the standard deduction?

BTW...I already filed... seperate... I claimed all the interest on the house... That's the advice I got so that's what I did...

She can either itemize or take ZERO as her standard deduction. No other choices.

Spouses filing separately can either BOTH take the standard deduction or BOTH itemize. You can NOT do one of each....otherwise EVERYONE would file that way!

OK... Well I guess she's screwed... And she's going to be super pissed...

She wants me to give her all the cancelled checks so she can itemize...I'm sure there's nothing there for her to itemize. We didn't write checks for hardly anything. Just when we had to... like when they wouldn't take visa...

She went into the "see you're screwing me again" routine when she called... and I'm about sick of hearing it. I think I’m ready to expose the affair… (Maybe I need to have a counseling session with Jennifer ASAP) I’m tired of her trying to make me feel guilty and trying to justify her affair to herself… she made the decision to have an affair and then moved out… and now it’s time for her to do a reality check…

Anybody have any advice??? I could really use some here….

Definitely talk to Jennifer.

I won't contradict what the pro told you, but I would have exposed before now.

What was Jennifers reason for waiting?

I'm not sure... maybe to give me a chance to stop any LB's. Try and meet her EN's (Kinda hard to do when she's moved out but I'm trying) She wanted me to write letters to her every other day before we exposed. As a matter of fact I read something in SAA about trying to meet EN's when separated... It specifially said something about writing letters...

You should say something along the lines of, "I'm not trying to screw you financially, but I sure as he11 am not going to bankroll your affair."

I don't see exposure as such a big deal.
She has openly had him around SD....obviously SD's dad knows. I'm kinda shocked that you haven't said anything by now.

I think sometimes if you delay exposure and do a good job of meeting needs there can be a "wow, you knew and you still did all these great things..." kinda reaction.

But I don't think you've had much Plan A success. And at this point how could you NOT know about OM? You've been spending time with SD, why wouldn't she have said something...yanno?

I've read here that the MB program doesn't work with someone with an addiction (like alcohol).

This all seems like a lifelong pattern with WW. Just my opinion, but it seems like she has a long way to go before she would be marriage-material....