Enjoy the time with your D Amazin. It will be gone before you know it. And you will have lots of memories to share.

Thanks N2F, I'm looking forward to talking to you...

Thanks Queenie...

It's strange... (Or maybe not) Since WW moved out my daughters and I are getting closer... all the drama is gone... No more fighting, walking on egg shells and all that crap... The house seems a lot more peaceful.

My youngest daughter and I talked a little this morning after SD called... One of the things she said that I found prophetic is that she didn’t feel that we (WW, SD, me and mine) were ever a family… She felt like it was always two families living in the same house. If WW ever did come back... that would have to change… In order to be a happy healthy family we would have to be ONE family and not two… WW would have to be a good mom to all the kids and not just one… (All of that out of a 14 year olds mouth… Amazing… she gets it…) I totally related to this on several levels… (It's not all my WW's fault... I helped that situation along sometimes too) She started getting emotional… I asked her why she was crying and she said because she just didn’t think it was fair that we don’t have that ONE family.

My youngest is more receptive to WW coming back to the home than my older daughter... I've asked my oldest daughter how she feels about WW and if she would ever want her to come back… she’s said she doesn’t want her to ever come back. I asked her why and her exact words were “because WW has a vindictive character and I don’t think she’ll ever change.” I asked her another time … If WW and I ever got back together would you be hurt? She said yes she would be very hurt… One of the things that I’m afraid of is that if WW and I do end up getting back together it will really hurt my oldest daughter… I don’t want to hurt her… While we were out today I asked her if she felt like we (WW, SD, me, and mine) were ever a family… she said the same thing my youngest said… No… And that it always felt like we were two families living in the same house.

I do love my wife… but even if she wanted to come back… I don’t know if I could do it…I’m definitely not going back to the “Two families living in the same house “situation… I want us to be one big happy family… WW would have to really understand that… and that she needs to be a good mom to all our kids and not just her daughter… She seems like she was that same way with her own kids… not just mine and hers… She treated her son differently than her daughter. Her son had/has issues… (ADHD/Aggressive Defiant Disorder)… but she still seemed to treat her daughter better than her son…

This is why I was really thinking about Queenie’s message this morning… and why it touched me.

Listen to God and the changes He wants you to make in your life

I’m going to make changes… for the better… for me and my kids…I want WW and SD to be a part of my life but if she isn’t able or capable of making the changes that she needs to make in order to bring peace into to her troubled life … then I may have to let her go…

I want everything to be “RIGHT” but I’m not sure what that is… God is going to have to show me what’s right… I’m just trying to learn how to listen…

Amazin,

I totally hear you...That's where I am at right now. If WS were to come home at this point, things will DEFINATELY different, not the way it was before. Too much has happened and too much hurt. I was not all that thrilled with our M either the only difference is I didn't have an A.

And yes, you got the message about Queenie's quote...I think sometimes that I have been doing what I want as far as recovering my M, but is that what God wants??? hmmmmmm....maybe, He wants me to take this oppertunity to return to Him and His will.....I don't know, but I do know that my ears have opened up a little more today....

Anyway....Plan A.....

When was the last time you sent her flowers??

when was the last time you left her a note on her car, or in her car???

And where are you on the letters assignment you have????

I expect answers this time BUB...got it???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

not2fun

Ok...I got it...LOL...

Flowers... I took them to her in person on Valnetines Day.

Note... I can't remember... So it's been a while...


Letters... Hmmm... I'm having a hard time getting started on the letters and what to say... I was going to say something on your post earlier but I didn't....And with her still pissed about the taxes...it makes it even harder. It still appears to me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me right now...

you asked me on Friday (?) if I had read any of the books... I started with SAA but got to the recovery portion and started getting side tracked... I'm not much of a reader to begin with so if it doesn't have a plot I really have to force myself to read it.

I also have HNHN for parents...but I havne't started reading it yet... I bought that one insted of HNHN's because there was a section in it on blended families.

I also have fall in love stay in love....

As the world turns … these are the days of our lives.

My ex-wife (Not WW) called me this morning. She said her husband broke her nose and that she’s leaving. I don’t know how truthful she’s being. She has a tendency to embellish the truth. When we were divorcing she told my command that I broke her finger and that she had to go to the hospital. Of course my response to the female JAG officer was “I’m sure you can get a copy of the hospital records and the police report to prove that I did this right? When you do I would like to have a copy.” Of course she couldn’t produce one because it never happened.

Anyway, I told her if he’s beating her she needs to get out. For that matter she needs to throw him out.

Now here’s my dilemma: Ex wants my son (actually my step son) to come live with me. She just up-rooted him from high school in December, moved him, 500 miles away and now she wants to move him again. He’s a senior in H.S. and only has 3 more months left until graduation. The EX wanted me to take him in December and I was considering it, but changed my mind when all the crap with WW started.

In December when I was considering this my WW was really against it. She shut me down as soon as I brought it up and it made me feel like he wasn’t welcome. It really made me angry and resentful. I was on the verge of letting him move in with us without her agreeing to it. (I know, POJA but I didn’t know that then) It was a MAJOR love buster. If you ask WW, that’s probably the straw that broke the camel’s back in her opinion.

I really feel that my step son needs me to be there for him right now. But on the other hand I know if he moves in, then WW will use that to justify her actions, her affair and her moving out.

I need some advice here. I think I know what the right thing to do is. But I need some feedback to help me figure it out.

Should I talk to my WW about it before I decide? Should I try to explain anything to her? Or should I just do what I think is right and not worry about her reaction?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

YES !

practice your POJA skills !

Thanks Pep... I kinda thought the same thing... An opportunity to practice POJA.

But what if she say's she don't give a Sh*t what I do. It's my problem not hers?

Or she wont talk to me about it at all...

"I want to know how you would feel about this (situation)."

If she says anything rude

just say

"OK. I just wanted your input. Thanks anyway."

O.K.

Thanks again Pep. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ok... I sent her an email and she responded...

Her exact words,

I don't have to worry about any of that. This is your issue w/ her..

I walked away from it ALL when you cut my throat for the last time over the taxes.

My exact response:

OK. I just wanted your input. Thanks anyway.

She's maintianing that she's done with our marriage... not going to try at all... same thing she said to me on the phone last Wednesday... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So now what? Should I do what I think is right and if she gets pissed... Oh well... I asked her for her input and she didn't give me any.

IMO, you just just go to plan D/FU, and move on from this loser. I don't know how you can take her telling you that you cut her throat with the taxes when she's been screwing another man for the past few months.

those alcoholics DO LOVE their little dramatic exits !

LOL

So, do you WANT a teenage boy under the same roof as your daughter?

I'd think this over for a long time if I were you.

Doesn't he have grandparents?

As far as I'm concerned he's my son and the brother of my girls. I'm the only father he's ever known. So I'm just currious why having having him under the same roof as my daughters would be an issue?

Yes he does have grand parents... in STL.

Ask your daughter for her opinion. Ask if she feels he is her brother.

If she's OK with it, why not?

I already know the anwer to that... They're brother and sisters. I had custody of him from the time he was 4 until he was 13. (And I'm not even his biological father but he considers me his Dad) At 13 I let him go live with his mom.

Looking back I think he really didn't like my current wife. And she encouraged him to go live with his mom. Of course most kids always want to go live with the non custodial parent. Then when they do they find out its not all movies and amusment parks.

I think that's what happened to him. His mom dragged him all over the place. If he comes here this will be his 6th school since 2002. He's sick of the instability.

Then go for it -

I am not convinced your WW will make a turn around anytime soon - her past history is pretty consistant with her current behaviors - and - I am also not convinced of her sobriety (but that's another story)

I know... Are there people like her that never change? I would think that it must be very tiring living like that.

Did you read my post from yesterday? The one about Quenies message...and about learning to listen to Gods plan.

Even if she wanted to come back right now I don't know if I'd let her... I'm definately not going back to the way it was before she moved out.

As far as her sobriety goes... I think she had a relaps superbowl weekend. Her car was parked at my favorite old fart bar for 2 or 3 hours...And I don't think she's capable of going in there and just getting food. I may have more sobriety time than she does... I haven't had a beer since...Jan 19th? About 10 days before I quit smoking... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

She may remain in a suspended adolescent level of development for a lot longer - which is typical of alcoholics.

I'd consider her a risk as a wife for at least 3-4 years even if you reconciled.

Wow... 3-4 years even if we reconcile...

Risk = another affair... more alcoholism?

Why does my opinion surprise you?
You think there is a more accurate timetable?