Hello HAF,
Short answers? Yes and No.
I haven't read any of your previous threads (could you include links to them in your sig?).
From this one it looks like you've been in Plan A for 11 months. I don't know how you've managed to do that successfully. You deserve a medal for that but you can't sustain it any longer IMHO.
I think you need to start doing Plan B to prevent that resentment from developing any further. That's the whole point of it.
That resentment will also rapidly decrease your ability to sustain Plan A.
Believe me, Plan B is no picnic. People here talk about it being a welcome relief. That is true to some extent but it brings it's own emotional twists with it. IMHO, it's at least as difficult as Plan A but for different reasons.
If you don't want a divorce, why facilitate it and co-operate with your WW? Particularly if you think she'll blow her half of the proceeds on the OM.
I also don't see how the sale of the house is a necessary pre-requisite for Plan B. Why sell it at all?
Going Plan B is not a decision to be taken lightly but if you do decide to do it, here are the things I've learned (FWIW):
1. Establishing and insisting on an intermediary is absolutely vital. It took me two months to achieve this and I could have been a whole lot smarter about making it happen sooner. Here's how.
Once you've sent the PBL, do not respond to any attempt she makes to communicate with you unless it is via your intermediary and on a topic that you have stated you will respond to. WW will try to contact you directly, she will try to do so via the kids (this makes them suffer) and anyone else she thinks you might listen to. Be strong and resist the temptation to respond.
2. Be crystal clear in your own mind and in your PBL on the conditions she must fulfil for you to work on recovery. There has to be a clear path for her to come back that is spelled out from day one.
3. I don't know what your situation is but you must cut yourself off from her in every way possible. There must be no reason why you need to communicate except for an emergency to do with the kids. In particular your finances must be completely separated. I'm assuming you have done that but if you haven't do it now.
4. Get your friends and family around you. Explain what you are doing and ask for their support instead of the Plan D advice they will prefer to liberally dispense.
5. Remember you can start Plan D any time you like.
Sounds to me like your WW wants Plan D and you don't. Plan B will give you the chance to strengthen yourself to prepare for whatever the outcome. If you choose to divorce after a few months of healing then at least you will be ready for it. Right now it seems that you aren't.
Even though Plan B is primarily for you the BS, it also seems to me that your WW has suffered no consequences from her choices. Plan B will bring home the reality of what a divorce will be like. She may not like it.
As with everything in life, there are no guarantees. Plan B may fail for you in the sense that it does not result in an opportunity for you both to invest in recovery of your marriage. But you will have given it your best shot. If the worst comes to the worst and divorce is the outcome, at least you will be at peace with yourself and have the fortitude to endure it. Even after Plan D, marriages do recover.
On the other hand, if Plan B works and you do get a shot at recovery, you will be strong enough for the hard work that you will have ahead of you.
Click
here for some inspiring Plan B stories.
I couldn't have written this response a couple of months ago when I went into Plan B. I just didn't have the right sense of perspective because I was so wrapped up in the drama of the affair. I've surprised myself by how quickly I came to terms with Plan B and managed to put things into perspective. Yes I would like my marriage back but I am no longer desperate for it and have a much healthier self-respect now. I hope you can take advantage of what I learned to accelerate that process for yourself.
Good luck to you!